I've never known a woman quite like you. You have never let me down no matter what your condition at the time. When there was not a thing wrong you carried me like no other. When you were not at your best trust me you let me know about it continuously but when asked, you was always there for me with out a question with out a complaint just as true as can be. When I needed some G time, you where there to make sure I had it when I needed to run as fast as I could, you carried me to heights not seen since my years in Germany. You did it with such grace that no one would ever know what you were doing. My love for you is beyond question beyond doubt only two others in this world has challenge that love that I have for you. One is no longer here with us, the other I appreciate more and more every day. Have no doubt though you are the one that leads off the pack even though you don't hold that top spot. My love will always be with you. For you never question, never ask, you just do.
| * Specs 1996 Chrysler Sebring LXi * 4 passenger touring coupe * 24 valve 2.5 liter v6 * 170 horse power fwd * Zero to 60 in 9 seconds (Slow but effective) * been driven up to 135mph * rock solid at speed |
A Letter to Kevin My Greatest Love
Hey you how are you doing. I'm holding on trying to get through day by day missing you a little bit more as the hours go by. I remember the first day that we met in that cheesy club in Warres, Mexico yah know the XO? You and your fellow Marines were getting ready to get your buts kicked by a bunch of locals. You were out numbered out gunned needing to be rescued. That's when the Army came in. We saw what was about to happen and would not allow it. We could fight amongst ourselves but I would be dammed if I let some local hurt one of our brothers in arms. I didn't care if you were Marine and I was Army you we're US Military and that was all that mattered.
I also remember how we use to hate each other with a passion because we had to be the two baddest people in the room, one always trying to out do the other. Never conceding anything to the other, yet I always admired how you went about things strongly but not gaudily. After a while we became friends not being out of one another's sight unless we were at work. I really enjoyed those care free days of '87. The day that you let me know your intentions with me. How you rang my door at 3:30 in the morning me thinking that one of my crew was in trouble. You stood at my door in your running gear, full of sweat, heart racing for you had just ran to escape the feelings within your heart. You reached out pulled me into your arms kissed me with a passion I have never felt before or since. Simply you swept me off my feet and I still haven't landed. You took me to new heights of being and never let me come down. I will always love you for that, never letting me settle for second best. Always pushing me to accept only the best. You took such good care of me that I believe I became spoiled and somewhat brat like . I'll totally blame that on you. You made every year with you a special one. Proposing to me on each and every anniversary together, making each one special not a repeat of the one before. We had four glorious years together there was suppose to be many more.
If I had not left you when I did I do believe we would still be together today. You were my first and truest love have no doubt about that. I really do believe I could have handled things differently but none the less I did not. To my dismay at the time I was under extreme duress, Stevey was the third person in as many months that had suffered at the hands of your jealousy. You put him in the hospital for six weeks. I could not live with another person on my conscious. So I left after four years of being together, I left with out a word with out a trace. A cruddy thing to do I know. Over the next three years we talked at least once a week you never comprehending the reasons why I left. You thought only of my protection from the world. Not knowing I was already as secure as I could be. Knowing that I had you at my side, what else could a man want or need. By the time things had come to a point of reconciliation, you were taken from me ever so unceremoniously. You and your little brother Adrian were broad sided by a semi, on the way to your fathers house. Adrian die two days after, you waited for me to get there and tell me that you loved me and that I was the only one for you in this world. Those words live with me to this day. Two hours later you were gone.
I do want to thank you though for your acceptance of Timmy. He is the truest friend I've ever had other than you. He brings all of your best qualities out but with a dash of sneakiness you never had. He keeps me on my toes makes me think just as fast as you did. I enjoy him thoroughly and hope to have many more years with him as my best friend. Even though I know that you don't like him you accept him that means a lot to me.
Until we are allowed to meet with each other again, I want you to know that I love you as much now as I did during that first kiss and that I always will.
Eternal Love
FeloniousIn Memory of
Kevin Christopher McClelion
February 1971 to August 1999
A Letter to Timmy My Unrealized Love
It's easy for me to sit down and write this because I know that you will never read it. You see you have an adversity to anything that might affect you in a positive why or other wise. I can't really blame you for this for you have had a rough time with the people that you held dear in your life.
Timmy my love for you transcends that of time. I learned this on that night so long ago when I sat up and watched you sleep. A sleep that I thought was so peaceful I found myself envious of you. You personify everything that I use to be and wish to be again but know that I can't. For people change as they go through life and I have definitely changed in the last four years. In some ways for the better in some ways I have not regressed but have to say moved laterally. Until I met you.
I remember that first day that I met you I tried like crazy to do everything to get under your skin but you wouldn't allow that to happen. I thank you for that. You have showed me in so many ways that I was not the brooding bitch that I had thought I had become and that there was still so much more locked up inside of me. Like unfortunately the capacity to love some one again.
Unfortunately that some one turned out to be you. A true prince just waiting to realize his true potential. I look at you and see all the good things that attracted me to my first and to date only love . Kevin. You are everything that he was in spirit. The way you take care of the ones around you, the way you try to lift the spirits of your friends and loved ones. Can anyone ever compare. In my eyes no, there is no one on this earth that can. As I thought about you that night, I thought about the question you asked me and said to myself no but can you deal with it. I of course was you first ethnic conquest, but the more I watch the more I fell. I tried the best I could to hide it but there were certain things that I did unintentionally that let the truth out. I know you had to have caught me watching you at times. I really tried to hide it, I really did. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable around me. By that time we had moved into the realm of best friends and there was nothing I wanted to do to jeopardize that. So I tried to close the book on you knowing there would never be anything between the two of us. In your exact words "we could last a life time but if something was to happen to us I would not be able to deal with the fact if I were also to loose our friendship" that was something you were not willing to risk. I can respect those feeling for I have seen it happen to many of people in the past. I've also seen it make the best of relationships. I really thought that I had it done till that trip to New York. It brought back every feeling that I had twice fold, and it burnt me up. Knowing that I allowed both of us to go there. Yes we must share equal blame for it. You knew the feelings were there as did I. We ignored the dangers and proceeded anyway. I cant blame it, the entire episode on you just as you cant blame it on me. To tell you the truth though I would not trade that four days for anything in my life for you made me feel alive again. That was something that I had not felt in a long time, till that night. I thank you for that and for so much more.
To think of how everyone did everything in there power to keep us apart in the beginning, then how others tried to push us together. I totally understand your feelings about people trying to get into your business. I can't say anything would have happened but you never know. From those that wanted you for themselves to those who just hated the fact that there was a possibility, of maybe there being something there. If they had stayed away no one could ever tell what would have happened. Its a known fact now that there will never be anything between us but I like knowing the fact there might have been at one time, even if that is just a fantasy of mine. Yes people have told me things that would make another person rethink the situation and try and hold on and wait for you. That's not my style though, I know that I'm not your desire. That belongs to some one else.
Like I said to you once before yes I would have loved to have been the one to have held that spot but I know it is not to be. That book on you and I is locked very tightly away in the deepest depths of my soul. I don't even think you would be able to open that book if you tried. I'll not allow myself to feel the yearn for you again. I've been told to fight for you, to make it hard for you to want completely the person you are seeing now . I'll just stand back and enjoy the fact that at one time I was able to be there. I'll watch at times and smile knowing you were the person who brought me back to life again. Like those nights when your dancing on top of the table, the most desirable person in the room. Being wanted by everyone knowing I've been where they want to be. It's a real nice feeling. For you are a true Prince. One that anyone should be proud to call there own.
That's why it hurts me so to see you deny yourself so many pleasures in life. On those nights when you let go and become wide open, are the ones I enjoy totally. To see you have fun and enjoy life is what I want for you. Nothing more. Why should you settle for anything less than the best in your life. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. I've seen your brilliance your tenacity. Curing someone else's problems is not all you know. Yes, you might be good at it but you are just as good at so many other things. If you would just open up your eyes and take a look inside and see what so many other people see. You would be amazed at what you will find. You would find all the things that I fell in love with. You brought the greatness back out of me. Made me look in side and see the things that I was still capable of doing. Please try to find those same qualities within yourself.
Timmy you are my hero the one I would choose to be my champion in any given circumstance. I have faith in you like I have in no other. This you can be sure of. Like I said earlier my love for you is more than physical, now days it transcends anything that this world could offer. Yes I would love to be the one to hold that spot, yes I would love to be there when ever you need someone to lean on but I am content to be your best friend. Something I will cherish till the end of time.
My Deepest Love Always
G
