BUTCH YOURSELF UP

(This is only for the boys as the girls have gone quite far enough down that road!)

 Lets face it some of you are just too girly for your own good and so at absolutely no expense to you (or us) we have undertaken extensive research to bring you the definitive guide to behaving more b

 Be A Man, Girl!

Despite the fact that South Africa has made huge strides in Gay rights over the last seven years and your rights under the Constitution is guaranteed, there are still some situations where girly behaviour is inappropriate, so why camp it up and have fun when you can repress yourself like 95% of the male sex.

At the Office

Next time the one of the secretaries has a birthday and a male stripper shows up REMEMBER to stand at the back , look disinterested, and act disgusted that some bloke would lower himself. Suggest he’s probably a fag.

At a Funeral

 No matter who is being buried remember to show NO EMOTION whatsoever. If possible look disinterested. When the moment looks right try and strike up a conversation about the rugby, although this technique is recommended only for the experienced butch. Do not show up dressed head to toe in black sash and drape yourself over the coffin moaning I loved this woman more than life itself (especially if you were not related and had never actually met).

 Talking Rugby

Very tricky. There are only ever about two things to say about football in butch company, and if you say anything else you look like an intellectual or a fag. REMEMBER to say fucking before every player’sname. eg. Fucking Joost, Fucking Skinstad. If a player is playing badly suggest he's a fag.

Do not pull your pants down and rub your arse against your favourite player on the TV screen moaning “Shove your man meat up my dirt box and treat me like the filthy bitch that I am". This tends to be a bit of a give-away.

And remember, the Super Twelve are not the Mr South Africa finalists!

At the Movies

Remember to cheer every wanton bit of violence. If one of the protagonists is an inarticulate emotionally repressed thug be sure to identify with him.

Do Not cheer on the vamp. She is usually there to show women the perils of independent thought so it is wholly inappropriate for you to call out "Go, Girl Go!"

 At the Club

REMEMBER! You don't dance!!! If you do, you'll end up looking like a poof. Stand in the corner and drink. Then Drink some more. If this gets boring fiddle with your testicles. Do not go wild at every crumb that the DJ deigns to throw at you. If they play retro Diana Ross or new cover version of one of her songs, you are permitted to do the camp hand movements - after all there's only so much one can be expected to give up.