lifestyle

A "Gay Lifestyle"?

A term which is often bandied about by both the gay and the anti-gay lobbies is the ‘gay lifestyle’. Whenever I see or hear this word, I wonder what it means. After many years as a gay adult, and with many gay friends and acquaintances during this period, I honestly cannot say that my life parallels any of theirs. We share no monolithic ‘lifestyle’. Sure, there are certain traits which I share with some of my friends, and some with others. But there is nothing which we all share in common – except sexual orientation. I use the words ‘sexual orientation’ instead of ‘sex’, because even among my friends, we all have different preferences when it comes down to the nitty gritty. Some prefer oral sex, others anal penetration, others anonymous gloryhole sex and yet others a good old Tilly. The only common denominator is that we all like to get off with other men, either in the flesh or in our imaginations.

However, the anti-gays always point their fingers at this ‘gay lifestyle’, which is seen as immoral, perverse, a threat to civilisation or anti-social, depending on which dellusion they subscribe to. Given that the gay "community" (another nebulous concept) is as varied and diverse as the straight "community", one can only come to the conclusion that the ‘gay lifestyle’ is just a euphemism for same sex fucking. The ‘straight lifestyle’, by definiton then is a euphemism for ‘man on top fucking woman on bottom’. We know the variations of straight sex go far beyond this definition. So too do the variations of gay sex. But we must bear in mind that the most homophobic of our detractors are usually also the most ignorant about us and our proclivities. So let’s accept that in the minds of our detractors, the ‘gay lifestyle’ refers only to sex. (Funny how the most self-righteous and morally indignant cannot get their minds out of the gutter).

However, the such a simplistic definition does not suffice when one looks at the term ‘gay lifestyle’ as used by gay people themselves. We have ‘gay lifestyle magazines’, and marketers who try to sell us the indispensable accoutrements of the ‘gay lifestyle’. And these are not dirty porno magazines or purveyors of giant dildos! So what then is the ‘gay lifestyle’ to gay men and women? Something to aspire to? Something to clone to? Something which gives us validation? A marketing myth?

As there is no ‘straight lifestyle’, is it therefore possible that there can be such a thing as a ‘gay lifestyle’?