Why Beer is Better than Men

  1. A beer makes life easier.
  2. A beer NEVER leaves the toilet seat up.
  3. A beer lasts longer than seven seconds.
  4. A beer doesn't want to watch pro wrestling.
  5. A beer won't expect you to cook dinner when you're not hungry.
  6. A beer will never leave dirty socks on the floor.
  7. A beer will never expect you to sit in the wet spot IT makes.
  8. A beer doesn't care if you go shopping.
  9. A beer doesn't mind when your mother visits.
  10. A beer does as many chores as a man, with a LOT less complaining.
  11. A beer won't leave you for a younger woman.
  12. A beer won't leave you for a younger man either.
  13. You don't have to worry about getting AIDS from a beer.
  14. Having a beer can't make you pregnant.
  15. A beer won't tease you because you once liked Barry Manilow.
  16. A beer will never smell like a man.
  17. A beer doesn't wouldn't trade you in on a sports car.
  18. If a beer did have a sports car, it wouldn't love it more than you.
  19. A beer doesn't want to go out alone with the other beers.
  20. A beer doesn't sulk.
  21. A beer wouldn't waste its money on Playbeer magazine.
  22. A beer won't switch the TV channel.
  23. A beer doesn't have to sleep with the windows open.
  24. A beer doesn't snore.
  25. A beer can't interrupt.
  26. A beer doesn't care that you can't find your car's carburator.
  27. A beer doesn't think black leather bikinis are neat.
  28. A beer doesn't belch or fart.
  29. A beer doesn't mind having pantyhose dry in the bathroom.
  30. A beer doesn't care that you don't balance your checkbook.
  31. A good beer is easy to find.
  32. Tall, dark, good-looking beers are common.
  33. A beer can't pout.
  34. A beer doesn't have a mother.
  35. A beer doesn't have friends who will drink your beer.
  36. A beer wouldn't yell if you dented the car.
  37. A beer won't get jealous if you enjoy another beer.
  38. A beer won't even mind if you have another six pack.
  39. A beer doesn't buy everything labelled "turbo".
  40. A beer won't care if you gain five pounds.
  41. A beer will be there for anytime of the month.
  42. A beer doesn't want children.
  43. A beer doesn't think poetry is queer.
  44. A beer isn't ready until you're ready.
  45. If the beer is finished before you are, you can have another beer.
  46. A beer can't talk about the women who had it before you.
  47. Hangovers go away.
  48. A beer tastes good.
  49. Having a beer doesn't make you want to take a shower.
  50. A beer would never leave hair in the bottom of the bathtub.
  51. A beer is never late.
  52. A beer will never invite friends home for dinner without calling.
  53. A beer's life does not revolve around the world series.
  54. A beer won't think less of you if you can't name the Steelers' quarterback.
  55. A beer won't even act amazed if you can.
  56. A beer would never make fun of your new outfit.
  57. A beer never needs a shave.
  58. You don't have to let a beer win.
  59. A beer doesn't care what toppings you get on the pizza.
  60. Just because you have dinner with a beer doesn't mean you have to sleep with a beer too.
  61. A beer doesn't have morning breath.
  62. A beer never wants to go to the drag races.
  63. A beer is happy to go where ever you want to go.
  64. A beer helps with the houswork.
  65. A beer will never drink the last beer.
  66. A beer will never fumble with your bra.
  67. You can't get herpes from a beer.
  68. A beer will never take the newspaper apart before you've read it.
  69. A beer always lets you read the Sunday comics first.
  70. A beer is seldom messy.
  71. When a beer is finished, it doesn't roll over and go to sleep.
  72. After you've had a beer, all you're committed to doing is throwing out the container.
  73. A beer container is recyclable.
  74. A beer wouldn't mind if you wanted it to wear a condom.
  75. A beer will NEVER call you "Babe". Or "Sugar".
  76. A beer is never tempermental.
  77. A beer will never complain about your cooking.
  78. A cold beer is a good beer.
  79. A beer is not kinky unless you want it to be kinky.
  80. A beer will never worry about losing its hair.
  81. A big, fat beer is nice to have.
  82. A beer is never too sensitive.
  83. A beer won't steal the covers.
  84. You don't have to laugh at a beer's jokes.
  85. A beer won't mind at all if you're not in the mood for beer.

This list was sent to me via e-mail by my AOL pal Tiger

Copyright © 1997, Mikhail Pokrovscky. All rights reserved

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