Hickphonics
The New Abridged Hick Dickshionary
Introduction
The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in by
labeling African American slang as the language "Ebonics," has decided to
pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington
by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be
taught in all Southern schools.
A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone. The following are
excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary
- HEIDI
- noun. Greeting.
- HIRE YEW
- Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: Heidi, hire yew?"
- BARD
- verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
- JAWJUH
- noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
- BAMMER
- noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
- MUNTS
- noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I
ain't herd from him in munts."
- THANK
- verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
- BARE
- noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
- BARIUM verb.
- What you do when the patient dies. Usage: "I thank I hafta barium today."
- IGNERT
- adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"
- RANCH
- noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
- ALL
- noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
- FAR
- noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
>TAR
- noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
- TIRE
- noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
- RETARD
- Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
- FAT
- noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
- RATS
- noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
- FARN
- adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed....mus' be from some farn country."
- DID
- adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
- EAR
- noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe....give 'im some ear!"
- BOB WAR
- noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
- JEW HERE
- Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
- HAZE
- A contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah....haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."
- CUNT
- A contraction. Usage:"Speek a lit'l loudr 'cause I cunt here yun'"
- SEED
- verb, past tense of "to see".
- VIEW
- contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City....view?"
- GUMMIT
- Noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."
- URINE
- the opposite of "You're out!"
- CAUTERIZE
- made eye contact with her
- OVA
- finished; done with
- SPERM
- to reject, look away from
- DILATE
- to live a long time
- ENEMA
- opposite of a friend
- NODE
- was aware of
- WHITE COUNT
- the number of caucasians
- HERNIA
- pertaining to a female's knee
- FIBRILLATE
- to tell a small lie
- D&C
- where Washington is
- BUNION
- Paul's surname
- RECTUM
- dang near killed him
- PARADOX
- two doctors
- CORONARY
- domesticated yellow bird
- PENIS
- someone who plays the piano
- HUMERUS
- to tell us what we want to hear
- INTESTINE
- currently taking an exam
- OUTPATIENT
- a person who has fainted
- GENITAL
- A non-Jew
- SACRUM
- holy
- PAP SMEAR
- to slander your father
- PELVIS
- the evil twin of Elvis
- SEIZURE
- Roman Emperor
- KILT
- Past tense of the verb kill
- MIST
- Past tense of the verb miss
This list was sent to me via e-mail by my AOL pal Tiger
Copyright © 1997, Mikhail Pokrovscky. All rights reserved
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