Actual Job Application at a Fast Food Joint

This is an actual Fast Food Job Application

Desired Position:Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

Desired Salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle
Education Yes.
Last Position Held: Target for middle management hostility
Salary: Less than I'm worth.
Most Notable Achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Reasons for Leaving: It sucked
Current Employer: If I had one, would I be here?
Hours Available to Work: Any.
Preferred Hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
Special Skills: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
Do I have a car?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
Special Awards and/or Recognition: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
Smoking Habits: Only when I'm set on fire.
Long Rage Goals: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

Do you certify the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge? No, But I dare you to prove otherwise

Sign Here: Scorpio with Libra Rising.

This application was sent to me via e-mail by Jamie41

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