50 Things That Never Happen on Star Trek

1. The Enterprise encounters a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered before.
2. The Enterprise is sent to check up on a remote outpost of scientists who are all perfectly all right.
3. The Enterprise discovers a Paradise planet called, where everyone is happy all the time. After careful investigation, it is revealed that everything is exactly as it seems.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new life-form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life-form, wearing a silly hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague: The cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
6. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the correct hookup cables.
7. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
8. Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drives and they work better than ever.
9. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify with candy.
10. The Enterprise manages to transport an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
12. Kirk gets into a fist fight and doesn't rip his shirt.
13. Scotty anticipates the situation and has everything working at peak performance before it is needed.
14. Despite Spock's bizarre Vulcan physiology, he isn't the only crew member unaffected by a new weapon or virus and can't help rescue the Enterprise.
15. The episode ends without Dr. McCoy and Captain Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise an eyebrow.
16. While walking down a corridor, one of the crew remarks, "I think we're lost. These corridors all look the same."
17. The Enterprise decides to leave a dangerous sector before there are signs of danger.
18. The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.
19. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in no way connected with the 20th century.
20. Somebody uses a transport shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
21. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, and some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
22. The shields on the Enterprise are more then adequate and stay up during an entire battle.
23. The Enterprise visits the Klingon home world on a bright, sunny day.
24. An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."
25. Worf gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.
26. A major character spends an entire episode in the holodeck without a malfunction trapping him/her there.
27. Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."
28. Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so!"
29. Picard walks up to a replicator and says, "Coke on ice."
30. Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
31. Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.
32. Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry? Did he serve you poisonous tea! He's mine!"
33. Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarty pants, and finally attempts to make some friends of his own age.
34. A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a fuse.
35. Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we know it, and everyone is actually grateful instead of just saying "Good work."
36. The warp engines start acting up a bit, but the problem resolves itself without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
37. Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.
38. Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.
39. Data falls in love with the replicator.
40. Kirk or Riker falls in love with a woman on a planet they visit, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
41. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made significantly easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
42. An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale.
43. Worf accidentally kills a crew member in the holodeck by mistake.
44. Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
45. Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that one consecutive episode.
46. When Worf tells the bridge officers that something appears to be entering visual range and no one bothers to turn the screen on.
47. Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics.
48. Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesn't sacrifice herself for him.
49. Picard visits the sickbay and requests the cure for baldness.
50. After meeting the hostile inhabitants of a planet, the Away-Team's phasers are more then adequate for their defense.

This goodie was bestwowed upon me by Mimsy

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