"Everyone thinks they're the only ones who have these feelings. But that's not the truth. There are people who came before you, and people who will come after you."

Candace Gingrich, a spokeswoman for the Human Rights Campaign and half-sister of House Speaker Newt Gingrich.

INTRODUCTION

Being attracted to someone of the same sex can be frightening _ so frightening that you may deny your feelings, or throw yourself into dating the opposite sex, just to prove you are not gay or lesbian.

But then the feelings come up again. You try to put them out of your mind but you can't. Finally, you stop resisting, and in that instant, your world changes. You discover that being with someone of the same sex feels better than being with the opposite sex ever did. But what will this mean for the rest of your life?

Certainly, life is more challenging if you are gay or lesbian. It requires that you develop the courage to honor your own experience of love above anyone else's judgments about it. But you can do it. Millions of people have, and many say it was the best thing they ever did.

How Do You Know?

There is no one way people realize that they are attracted to the same sex. Some always know it. Some learn it at puberty. Some figure it out it in college. Some recognize it only after getting married to someone of the opposite sex. But whenever the feelings come up, almost everyone wonders: How do I know if I'm really gay, lesbian or bisexual?

On the one hand, it's very simple: If your strongest emotional and sexual attractions are to people of the same sex, you're gay or lesbian. If they're equally strong to the same and the opposite sex, you're bisexual.

On the other hand, sexual orientation is confusing because most of us were raised to think of ourselves as heterosexual. Our parents, teachers and our culture told us that some day, we'd meet someone of the opposite sex and get married. No one ever said we might fall in love with someone of the same sex. That's why we're shocked when it happens.

Unless there's someone gay in your family, you probably never considered the possibility that you yourself might be lesbian or gay. Moreover, you probably have heard many negative stereotypes of gay and lesbian people _ but most of these are based on erroneous or inadequate information; what you need are the facts.