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"What you can change and what you can't, a complete guide to self improvement" by Martin Seligman Five levels are identified, the deeper the level the less the change. Sexual Identity: male or female? This is the deepest level and does not change much. It usually corresponds to a persons genetic gender and physical appearance Sexual Orientation: do you love men or women? It is important to distinguish between exclusive homosexual (about ten percent of the population) and optional homosexual (another twenty precent of the population) Read the book for a full discussion. Every one of the so-called conversions submitted to independent verification has proven to be behavioral change, the equivalent of forcing a left-handed person to learn right-handed behavior (writing, for example) and then claiming, "I have converted this person to being a right-hander." The homosexual orientation remains unchanged. Sexual Preference: preferred sexual activity Some change is possible at this level. It involves what we do when we have sex rather that whether we have sex with men or women. Sexual Role: behaviour, personality and ability This level relates to characteristics that are perceived as masciline or feminine, althoungh the traits are so widely distributed between men and women such labels are hardly helpful. What is considered masculine in one culture may be considered "effeminate" in another. The categories also change over time. Eating with a fork or wearing a wrist watch were once considered "effeminate" behaviour. This level has more to do with social expectations and conditioning, although a few traits have a stong gender bias. It also includes such controversial debates as whether boys are better at maths. Sexual Performance: The level which changes most readily as shown by Masters and Johnson, who have also shown that there is no difference in promiscuity between people with homosexual orientation and peole with heterosexual orienation. |
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How you explain what happens to you has an important influence on how you feel about it and what you do next. Martin Seligman descibes different explanatory styles and how they are applied in opposite ways by optimists and pessimists. We all use the same range of explanations, we just apply them in opposite ways. Change in this area is easy, fast, lasting and can improve you whole life. You choose how you explain your life to yourself. There is a more detailed description in "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman. Explaining GOOD events: The optimist says "This will last for ever" permanent "It will improve every aspects of my life" pervasive "I did it all myself, good things like this are always happening to me" personal. The optimist becomes confident to achieve is all areas, and the positive energy flows through his whole life. The pessimist says "This will not last" temporary "It does not change all my other problems" specific "It was fate, bad things like this are always happening to me" external. The pessimist blocks off the positive effect of the good news and the rest of his life is unaffected. Explaining BAD events: The optimist says "This will not last" temporary "It does not change all the good things in my life" specific "It was the weather"external. The optimist blocks off the negative effect of the bad news and the rest of his life is unaffected. The pessimist says "This will last for ever" permanent "It will ruin every aspects of my life, my life will never be the same" pervasive "I is my fault bad, things like this are always happening to me" personal. WARNING Optimism is not an appropriate response to a life threatening situation. The consequences are potentially permanent, personal and pervasive. Research shows that pessimists have a better understanding of reality that optimists, but optimists are happier, healthier and achieved more. Choose your style to suit the situation. If the consequences are not life threatening be an optimist. |
