Date: Fri, 06 Jun 1997 23:11:41 -0700 From: Posti@aol.com (by way of Phaedrus ) Subject: SRU Xmas Quickie - A Problem of Definition A Problem of Definition By Bob Stein Jack opened the box from Virginia with eagerness. How had Bob gotten his address? Oh, yeah. 'Posti' also put out the Centaurs Gatherum. And since Jack was a subscriber, it was simply a matter of checking the mailing list. Eagerness turned to confusion as he found a single sandal-like red slipper inside. "What the...?" A second check of all the packing material did come up with a small envelope containing an Xmas card. MERRY XMAS, JACK! GUESS WHAT! I FOUND A SPELLS R' US STORE HERE IN NORFOLK! THE OLD MAN KNEW I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING FOR YOU, AND SAID THAT IF YOU PUT THIS SLIPPER ON, YOU WILL BECOME A MULE. AND HE GAVE ME A SET OF GLOVES THAT WILL TURN ME INTO A HORSE! BEST WISHES FOR AN EQUINE NEW YEAR! BOB A Spell R' Us store for real? Jack shook his head and snorted. Bob was getting sorta silly. Still... He grinned and sat down to pull off his shoes. Never hurt to try. The soft footwear slipped on easily, though it was a little odd not to have an ything over the heel. For a moment, nothing happened. Then Jack jumped as he felt a strong jolt. Damn! It really was doing something! A light fuzz spread from the slipper, moving rapidly up his leg. Excitement filled him, and he leaped up to pull open the door and then ripped his clothes off. That way he could get to the barn afterwards. The thrill faded as he looked down at himself. The fuzz was all over his body now, but it didn't look like fur. And he seemed to be shrinking, not swelling out into the majestic form of a mule. Maybe he was becoming a foal. He tried to touch the thickening reddish covering on his skin, only to gasp in horror as he saw his fingers and hands suddenly shrivel along with his arms. A sudden jolt informed him that he had fallen, and he screamed when he saw that his legs had vanished along with his arms. The slipper was under him, and when he tried to roll off of it, he found that it was attached to his still dwindling body. It occurred to him that his skin and the soft fuzzy fabric of the slipper were now identical, and he also realized that there was a small growth on the other leg stump that looked more and more like another slipper. Completely confused and horrified, he screamed until his mouth vanished. There was a flash of light, and then he was looking up at a gigantic old man. "Ah, Jack! Just in time, too." The huge magician sat down on an equally gigantic chair and pulled off his shoes. Then he picked up something from the floor next to Jack. It was his present from Bob, swollen to monstrous size. The slipper fit perfectly on the old man's enormous, callous-covered foot. And then he leaned down for Jack. "I suppose I could have bought a pair of slippers, but I can't ever seem to find the kind I want. You see, nobody carries these backless kind any more." Then he slipped Jack over his other foot. Jack would have gagged if he still had a mouth. Bad enough he was now casual footwear, but the old man also needed Odor Eaters something awful. But he was still confused. The old man was known for his tricks, but how in the world could he have gotten away with this? "Odor Eaters? I'll do something about that." The old man smirked. "Yes, Jack. I can read your thoughts. Don't worry. Even though I did honor my promise, I'll make you an animal-type mule one day. You see, there are three definitions of the word mule. One is what you expected, the draft animal. Another meaning is a cotton-pulling machine, but those are pretty useless. The third definition is a lounging slipper that does not cover the heel. And you were a perfect candidate for that. There's nothing so relaxing as putting on a pair of comfortable old souls." ***************************************************** Meanwhile, back in Virginia: Lisa came bounding into the living room Xmas morning, clapping her hands in delight. A large padded block with four chromed legs stood next to the tree with a big tag reading "To Lisa, from Uncle Bob." The aspiring gymnast was thrilled, though she wondered how Uncle Bob could have known how much she wanted a vaulting horse. The End