Date: Tue, 26 Nov 1996 23:14:37 +0000 () From: Test long name Reply-To: lee@put.com SRU: HOME OFFICE INSPECTION Pete Rexroth wandered through the mall looking for a shorter way to his car,he'd returned that lousy watch for a refund.Suddenly his eyes fell on a sign on a small store..."Spells R Us".He'd heard rumors about that place,didn't believe a one of them.But while he was here, why not check the place out? He walked from the brightly lit public area into the shop and checked out the displays.Charms,curios,crystal balls,the weird stuff he'd expect plus some he didn't recognize.He looked to see if he was alone in the shop...no,he was not! The woman he saw instantly had his undivided attention. Thoroughly spectacular legs displayed through dazzling net hosiery,extending from shoes with sky-high heels(rather unecessary on a woman so tall) to where they blended imperceptibly with the weave of what looked like an exotic lingerie outfit.A wonderfully curvaceous figure, incredibly firm and full breasts straining at the tantalizingly tranclucent cloth that ended in time to display plenty of cleavage.He'd heard rumors of gorgeous babes coming from here,maybe this beauty was the source of them! He could have admired her body indefinitely,but somehow suddenly found himself looking at her right in the face...which was no less memorable in its beauty,framed by long,shining,rusty-blonde hair."May I help you?", she asked. "Uh...this is a magic store,right?" "Yes.Not stage magic,though we do stock the odd effect,but the real thing." "You believe in magic,huh?" "Yes." Well she might believe in it,since she had practiced magic since,straight-time for straight-time,Pete's ancestors were still figuring out agriculture.She combed through his mind,imperceptibly to him,found some annoying blinkered skepticism. Pete paused for a second,caught between her voluptuous allure and her intimidating self-confidence."I uh...heard this shop was run by an old man?" "Yes...he's in the back having lunch.I can take care of anything you need..." "He's supposed to be a real live wizard?" Pete was oozing disrespect,mingled with drooling lust. "Yes.Cast his master-spells,served his century's apprenticeship... fully certified hundreds of years ago." She gave the establishment their due,though she didn't think anyone with Anselm's qualification would have made the grade when she was his age. Pete couldn't believe how gullible this mega-babe was."Hey,listen. What say you get a break and we go out for some beers?" She probed his mind,noted a girlfriend who was away for a week who he had promised he would date no one else. "I don't think so." Not that she would ever date a man with this fool's attitude. "C'mon,ask the old coot!",Pete said."I'm not buying any of this magic stuff,but I'd sure like to know you better." Wordlessly she headed for the back of the store. Once through the back room door she gestured,and an exact duplicate of herself appeared...identically dressed,not a hair in a different position. It stepped out into the shop...it would go out on a date with Pete,succumb to his blandishments,go home for sex and at the moment of his orgasm collapse dead.As soon as anyone else arrived on the scene it would become impossible for anyone but him to see or feel.It would teleport to wherever he was for days tormenting him before it vaporized completely when he was positive he would see it. She then turned to Anselm,the wizard in charge of this Spells R Us store."Of all the possible planets,eras,timelines,and existence-planes, I don't see why you chose to open a store here",she said. The "old" man(thousands of years younger than she) looked up from his sandwich(fried newt and tongue of dog) and said "Well,market conditions have been rough". "Mostly your doing,Anselm.I don't understand why your District Office gave you a franchise,and at Headquarters we've noted you as the weakest point in the district ever since.Customer satisfaction and repeat business are pitiful!" "What have you seen me disappoint a single customer since you arrived to inspect the store?" "That's just this morning.No,but I did note the magic on the baby doll costume was cranked way too high--" Anselm chuckled."Oh,that's a favorite.Man gets a costume for his wife because he thinks it's sexy,and in minutes she's permanently a little plastic toy!" "And you think that's going to cause customer satisfaction or repeat business?" "Er,no,but it's such fun...and I can cover the losses turning a few passersby into centerfold girls..." "Enough,Anselm.At Spells R Us we're here to HELP our customers. I lowered the magic on that costume so that it only affects her personality at first,she'd have to wear it a full day to become plastic...and would still be a full-sized,functional sex doll consciously enjoying the proceedings,and would revert to her normal self once it was removed. Customer satisfaction...repeat business!" "Sometimes customers don't deserve what they want,madam! Sometimes they need to be taught lessons!" His voice took on a more plainitive tone as he addressed the senior wizardress."Why,there were a few Klansmen in here looking for something that would cause quick fires...I made their next fire brown them into little black children..." "But how often do your customers even learn lessons,Anselm? You mindwipe them more often than leaving them sadder-but-wiser. And you teach lessons to some that destroy innocent bystanders!" "My lady...really,these rumors are exaggerated..." "I've been investigating,Anselm.It's not just that the local college,once known mainly for its football team,is now known for its outstandingly large and buxom cheerleading squad.I've found an alternate timeline where you don't have this store,but stories EXACTLY mirroring your antics are archived on an Internet website in Austria...embarrassing reading." "Oh,you can't trust those hacker types!Just the other day I turned three of them into centerfold models..." "For a good reason?" "Well...well...it was fun!Look,Grandmother--" "Don't `Grandmother' me,you know your descent's a lot more remote." "I grew up on stories of how you turned all of Shark Island, three cities,mountains,merchant fleet,a million people,into a sick crayfish! You can't let me have a little fun with horses and centerfold girls?" "Not if it hurts Spells R Us business!" She abruptly flicked her hand,and another duplicate of herself came into being and went out to run the counter,the first having left with Pete.Twinning herself was something she was very practiced at,she occasionally met men whose twin fantasies deserved to be indulged."What about that couple who came in here... they *both* wanted the lady to have a twin,the man to be unaffected...they were not out to hurt anyone,but you turned the man into the twin!Who did that help?" Anselm sighed."Can't a wizard take advantage of puny mortals these days?" "Not if he's running a magic-shop franchise he borrowed heavily from Spells R Us Central to open.Think customer satisfaction and repeat business!Now,those two girls who wanted to play French Maids...wasn't that overkill sending them to an alternate past?Wouldn't they have been affected enough simply finding themselves homeless French adults after the frat party ended?You are going to have to watch your budget and mind your manners with customers.No more hobnobbing with the adult-magazine crowd!" "My lady,I promise,by the time of my next inspection..." "With your track record,I'm going to have to keep an eye on you." "Personally??But,my lady,surely you have far more pressing responsibilities...thousands of other stores in countless dimensions..." "Oh,not usually personally,Anselm.But I'll occasionally pass my life-essence into that duplicate of mine acting as a clerk,and have it transmit what it senses to me at other times...and shield it beyond your capacity to detect which is the case at any particular time." "Well...if that's what you think best." Anselm sighed with resignation. "I do." Ancaliquara the Golden,Archwizardress Palatine and Governing Director of Spell Merchants Multiversal,described a large circle with her right arm and opened a dimensional portal.She stepped through in a blinding flash of light...or did only her form step through,while her life-essence migrated to the body clerking outside? Anselm finished his lunch and trotted out front to make the best of the presence of his voluptuous new clerk and try to steel himself into helping a customer. Help a customer...what was his world coming to?