From: The SRU Apprentice - April Fools Date: Monday, March 13, 2000 The SRU Apprentice - April Fools By DanielSan59 "This is gonna be great!" Dannie crowed in delight as she stirred the bubbling concoction in the huge old copper cauldron. *One final ingredient and it's done* she thought to herself as she added the sea urchin extract. There was a small hiss as the clear fluid joined the seething contents of the ruddily glowing cauldron and a small cloud of noxious steam assaulted Dannie's gloating face. "Gaack! Why does this stuff have to smell so bad?!" Dannie complained, rapidy fanning the offensive mist away. She consulted the book lying on the stand to one side of the cauldron. It had taken her weeks to find the volume entitled, Sex Magick, in the Old Man's voluminous private library. It had been hidden behind three other spellbooks dealing with various methods of cleaning and stain removal. She chuckled. It was an oddly appropriate hiding place - the two things, sex and stains, were often interconnected. She found her place on the page and started reading aloud. "Okay...here we go: Once the mixture is complete recite the verses of the following incantation thrice while stirring the mixture thirteen times widdershins. Allow the resulting clear fluid to cool completely then immerse the item to be enchanted into the cauldron for no more than five minutes, but no less than two. The extent and duration of the change induced by the item upon the recipient will be influenced by the period of immersion, so careful supervision is required....Blah, blah, blah, yackety schmackety. Seems simple enough." Dannie clambered onto a step-stool, inserted a broad-bladed wooden paddle into the foul-smelling brew and started rattling off the harsh tongue-twisting syllables of the spell while picturing it's desired outcome firmly in her mind. By the third throat-tearing recitation of the verses, the fluid began to glow an extremely peculiar brownish-pink. Also, the frothing contents of the huge pot clarified enough so that she could dimly see all the way down to the cauldron's bottom. As the final utterance left her tongue and she gave the final swirl of the paddle, there was an incandescent flash accompanied by a thunderous detonation that toppled Dannie off her perch on the stool and left her furiously blinking away tears while cheerfully pink afterimages danced in front of her eyes. "Damn! That was a real kick in the ass!" she muttered from her prone position. It was a *very* good thing the Master had been out at that convention for the past three days. Despite the fact she'd cast a silencing spell on the walls of her study room, there was no way he could have missed the pounding vibration of that tremendous "BAMF!" She groaned and slowly rose to her feet, wincing as her right elbow popped when she straightened it out. There was going to be one heck of a bruise there tomorrow. ____________________________ Jedina smirked as she sauntered into the store. With HIM gone, the protective measures that warded the shop had been rather easily circumvented. She snorted in derision at the assorted hodgepodge of knick-knacks and gee-gaws scattered about the cluttered shelves. It was time to pay the old fart back for the assorted pranks and the resulting embarassment he'd inflicted upon her when they were students. Maybe if she tampered with some of the merchandise...Jedina started as a sudden tremor set every bottle and loose item in the shop to rattling. She quickly sent out her awareness, seeking the source of the disturbance. *Ah! Well, now.* Jedina vented an evil chuckle when her searching thoughts located Dannie in her study room. *While the cat's away, the mice do play. This might be more fun than I thought. Let's see what she's up to.* A few quickly muttered syllables later and an unseen presence ghosted through the silent halls of the Wizard's home and arrived at buttressed stone wall of the study room. A stout but very battered wooden door and the scars chipped out of the opposite wall gave ample evidence that it had been blown outward on numerous occasions. Another quick incantation and Jedina passed through the wall, shuddering as she did so. *Gods, I hate that!* She could actually FEEL the substance of the wall sliding through her body. Dannie had just arisen from the floor when Jedina arrived. She quickly took in the still-bubbling cauldron, the nauseating stench and the open book on the stand. Curious, she quickly scanned the pages of the book. Interesting...very interesting indeed. She'd had no idea that the little brat had come so far in her studies. Dannie moved her way and she quickly darted into an empty corner of the room. ___________________ "Let's see...immerse the object...um hmm...two to five minutes. Okay, no problem." Dannie rubbed her hands together then retrieved her Master's second-favorite robe from a nearby countertop. She gently placed it into the fluid in the cauldron, pushing it down with the wooden paddle. Picking up an ordinary kitchen timer, she muttered, "I'll give it about three and a half minutes. That ought to do quite nicely. Boy will HE be surprised when he puts this on in the morning." She set the timer and placed it on top of the spellbook. "Serve him right. I didn't REALLY mean to turn that whole town into women. And that thing in Dallas wasn't my fault at all. He should have told me not to let that statue out of the shop. Who knew it would blow up when exposed to excessive amounts of car exhaust? But NOOOO! It was: 'Dannie scrub that floor', 'Dannie dust those shelves', 'You're just not ready for that yet, Dannie.' I'll show him just how ready I am. This is gonna be one April Fool's Day he'll NEVER forget!" ___________________ *Hah! This is just TOO rich!* Jedina smirked as she struggled not to let a bark of highly amused laughter past her tightly clenched lips. *The little pest's doing the job for me! It just needs one LITTLE amendment.* Quickly regaining her composure, she whispered a few words and made a clenching gesture with one hand. A doe-eyed look of surprised consternation and pain appeared on Dannie's face and she clutched at her stomach. Her face took on a panicked expression and she quickly threw open the door and began a frantic shuffle to the bathroom. A cruel smile lingered on Jedina's lips as she watched the timer cycle back to zero with a little *ding!*, her fist clenched all the while. Ten more minutes passed before she finally spread her fingers wide. Then she walked through the open door, down the hall, and back out into the shop. Taking a small red gem from her pocket, she placed it in an unobtrusive spot underneath the overhang of a shelf, where it somehow adhered without any form of tape or glue. The small bauble was one of the main reasons she had come here today. It would serve as a focus for her powers, allowing her to pierce the Old Man's protective spells and observe what happened in the shop and his private abode. He was starting to get a little too suspicious and she needed to keep a closer eye on him than she had been. The rest was just icing on the cake, and she hadn't really even needed to exert herself. She couldn't wait until tomorrow. Quietly, she slipped out the door and restored the protective spells. With luck, he'd never know she'd even been there. _______________________ Dannie wiped her sweaty forehead as she stepped back into the room. *Man! That was the longest dump I EVER took! I thought I was gonna die for a second there.* Her mind wandered for a second and then her head whipped around. "Ohmigod! The robe!" She sped over to the cauldron and looked inside. The level of the liquid was *definitely* much lower. Somehow the robe had absorbed several gallons of the smelly substance. Frantically she dug the sopping material out of the half-empty container and rushed it over to the sink. It LOOKED all right as she rinsed it with cold, fresh water, but there was absolutely no way to tell for sure. "Now what do I do?" she pondered miserably. A lot of effort had gone into this spell, and it would probably be a long time before the Master left her alone again. For some annoying reason, he really didn't trust her to be alone for very long, even when the shop was closed. Besides, she'd used up almost all of the ingredients needed for this spell that she had on hand. HE didn't need them anymore - he just sort of willed things and they happened - so there really weren't a whole lot of them around. And the Old Man was really a tightwad when it came to buying new spell components for HER. She had the money of course, and a lot of the things were common herbs or spices; but just where the hell do you go to buy fresh dragon's blood or cockatrice eggs? She continued rinsing the robe for a good half hour, wringing it out every few minutes. By the time she finished, the worst of the smell was gone from the robe. She took the damp robe into the laundry room and threw it into the dryer with a half dozen sheets of fabric softener. The nice thing about being a wizard, she mused as she waited for it to dry, was that you never had to worry about electricity bills. One simple spell, and the dryer would run until it fell apart from old age without ever plugging it in. When the robe was finally dry she took it out and examined it closely. The terrible stench was completely gone, masked by the fresh scent of the dryer sheets. The rich blue of the robe had not faded, nor had the fabric noticeably shrunk. "Oh, well." She sighed. "In for a penny, in for a pound." Besides, she REALLY wanted to see his face when the Old Man found out he'd have to walk around with a nice, perky little set of C-cup tits for a week. Then maybe the old letch would leave her alone for a bit - she was getting tired of all the sly little jokes and inuendos he'd come up with lately. Yes, she was really stacked, but she still wasn't completely used to the fact, even after all this time. HE may have found it amusing, but it still embarrassed her to no end when she knocked stuff over with her chest or forgot to put on a bra in the morning and bounced all over the place. She neatly folded the robe and carried it into his room. She set it on top of his dresser, where he'd be sure to see it in the morning and grabbed his favorite robe and hid it in the laundry basket under some dirty socks and underwear. Then she went back to the study room, and poured the remainder of the mixture down the drain in the floor, as it wouldn't keep for more than four hours. She'd clean it out tomorrow. After setting the study room to rights she went and started supper. Her Master would be home any time now and she wanted things to appear as normal as possible when he got back. _______________________ "So, Dannie, what did you do while I was gone?" the Old Man asked as they sat together in a small, cozy den sipping an after-dinner wine. "Not much, Master. I just puttered around the shop a little and caught up on my studies. Then I made supper. How was it, by the way?" Dannie carefully kept her voice nonchalant as she replied. "Oh, fine, fine. You're getting better in the kitchen, you know. When you first started, you could even burn water. Now the food you cook's almost edible." He grinned and ducked as Dannie aimed a mock slap at the back of his head. The wizard yawned deeply and rubbed at his eyes. "I must be getting old. I used to be able to go for weeks without sleep, but not anymore. I'm exhausted. That convention took a lot out of me, but I made a really made a killing...." They quietly conversed for a good two hours about the poor unsuspecting conventioneers who had stumbled onto his display, often breaking out into laughter at one particularly quirky transformation or another. Finally both decided to turn in. Dannie was starting to feel a little guilty about what she had planned. The quiet conversation and the shared comeraderie had made her realize something that evening. She was growing very fond of that old man, bad habits and all. And he was the first true friend she'd had in a long time. She almost said something, but then he smacked her familiarly on the backside as she got up off of the sofa. "Good night Dannie. Don't walk into any walls again on your way to bed. I really had a time last month repairing the holes that rack of yours left in the drywall when you tripped." this said with a smirk on his face. That did it! Any feelings of guilt Dannie had been harboring vanished instantly in the face of this fresh sally. She smiled sweetly. "Good night, Master. I'll see you in the morning." She turned quickly before he could see that sweet smile turn into a savage grin. *Oh, yes, does he have this coming!* Dannie went to her room and crawled into bed. Anticipation of the morrow's events kept her awake for several hours, but eventually she drifted off into dreamland. ____________________________ "DANNIE! GET IN HERE! RIGHT NOW!" The wizard's stenotorious bellow jolted Dannie rudely from her slumber. "DANNIE! IF I DON'T SEE YOU RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME IN THE NEXT THIRTY SECONDS, THEN BY ALL THE POWERS ABOVE, I *WILL* CHANGE YOU INTO A FROG!" "Oh, Shit!" She moaned as she scrambled out of the bed. "He REALLY sounds pissed!" Dannie scurried from her room as fast as she could and pushed open his door. "Master, what's the mat...*gasp*...wuh oh!" There, propped up against the wall farthest from the door was her master. His eyes were flashing and his beard stood on end, with tiny sparks zapping from hair to hair. His arms were crossed over his chest. Well, not really crossed over, but rather lying atop his chest. In fact, his chest was the reason he was propped up against the wall - he couldn't stand up unsupported at the moment. Dannie's heart suddenly made friends with her tonsils. She swallowed hard, trying to break up the budding romance. She was in deep - REALLY DEEP - shit. The old man lifted his arms from his chest and made a sweeping gesture with both hands that outlined his torso. "Would you care to explain THIS to me?" His voice virtually spattered the ground with sarcastic anger as he indicated his problem, um problems. Dannie swallowed hard again. The Old Man's second-favorite blue robe gapped widely open at the level of his chest. In fact, the incredible protrusions now extending outward from the sides of his sternum had completely shoved the material to the sides of his body, leaving only his arms and lower body covered. The protrusions in question were not the "perky little C-cup breasts" that Dannie had been aiming for. There were not enough letters in the alphabet to describe the masses of flesh hanging from the wizard's otherwise masculine frame. "Um, ah, *me* explain? What makes you think..." Dannie began. "DON'T even try that this time girl!" he roared. "I KNOW it was you! I can *smell* your magic somewhere at the bottom of this!.....Well, girl, SPEAK UP! I'm still waiting for an explanation." Dannie's voice quietly, hesitantly squeaked out, "Um, *cough*, ahem....um...april fools?" ______________________________ *Scrub, skritchity scrub* "Old bastard's got no sense of humor at all. He didn't HAVE to make me put on that damned robe too." *Scrub, skritchity scrub* "I HEARD THAT!" the wizard's voice called from a nearby room. "If *I* have to deal with this for the next six weeks then *YOU* do too! Now get back to work! And when you've finished scrubbing out that cauldron with the toothbrush you can start on the floor and walls. The whole room stinks of that crap you brewed up. If you really piss me off, I'll take away the levitation spell I cast on your breasts when you're done scrubbing and you won't even be able to stand up." *BONG* "Ouch, dammit!" Dannie winced and brought one hand up to rub the back of her head while the other still scrubbed away. She'd had to lie prone on the floor and tip the cauldron over just to be able to reach inside, and her body was still raised a good three feet above it. At least the damn things were good for something - she might not even have a backache tomorrow because of all the support. Quietly, very quietly, she muttered, "Just wait till *next* year, Old Man." *Scrub, skritchity scrub* __________________________ At that same time, very, very far away, in a small hidden room, a normally angry and quietly dangerous voice belled out in peal after peal of delighted laughter as its owner rolled helplessly on the floor. FIN