From: SRU: The Return Policy (April Fools Day, 2000) Date: Wednesday, March 15, 2000 From: bashful526@aol.com Dear Friends, Here's my contribution to my own April Fools Day challenge. Bashful Nothing is impossible! Some things just take longer. SRU: The Return Policy (April Fools Day, 2000) By Bashful Dannie was watching the store while the old man did something in his study. He had some project he had apparently been working on for quite some time. He didn't talk much about it but it was something he found very challenging. Dannie wondered about sneaking in and seeing what he was up to but the last time she crossed him had been very unpleasant. She could still remember what flies tasted like and they were gross! No more lily pads for her. The young couple came into the store with the man nearly dragging the girl. She wasn't being forced, she just wasn't interested in coming in. "I want to see the manager, NOW!" the man demanded. "Don't shout at her sugar, just calm down and I'll make you happy again like I did when I woke you up this morning," the girl said. She was a beautiful woman with a very impressive set of breasts, long blonde hair, bright blue eyes and terrific legs displayed by her mini-dress. Dannie suspected she was some of the old man's handiwork. "Not now Darlene, I need to get something straightened out," the angry man said. "Can I go next door to the shoe store while you talk to the manager? I need some black high heels," Darlene said. "No, I need you to stay here with me. Besides, you have a half a dozen pair of black high heels." "I know, what's your point?" she said. The man shook his head and looked at Dannie again. "The manager, PLEASE!" "He's occupied right now, can I help you?" Dannie offered. She flashed her sweetest smile. She was learning what special weapons women possessed, even women without her magical potential. "NO! I want to see that old man and RIGHT NOW!" Dannie winced, the upset man could be very loud. The Wizard must be concentrating very intently not to realize what was going on in the store. "Let me find out if he's free to see you," Dannie said and she ran to the back of the store. Dannie wasn't sure what she was going to do. She had strict orders not to bother the old man when he was working on his 'special project'. The project really intrigued her. He would work on it for hours at a time and usually come out grouchy and ill tempered. Whatever it was, she hoped he finished it someday, The door to the study was closed so she turned to tell the man he would have to come back later. Just then the door to the lab burst open and the Wizard came out…SMILING! Dannie wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. She had seen him smile as lot of times but never quite like this. "I've done it!" the old man said. "I've defeated the evil genius that contrived that accursed object. The evil thing that has been the bane of my existence for more than three years now. I have solved his diabolical riddle, I have won!" "Wow, was it some evil spell or an incantation that you had to decipher?" "I'm not sure that you are mature enough to understand the intricacies of the malevolent device, Dannie. I will show it to you but do not feel bad if you don't understand what you are looking at. I found this item in another reality years ago and I have been trying to unravel it's secret all this time." The old man took her into his study and pointed to the item on the table. "Cool, a Rubik's Cube, I haven't seen one of those in years." Dannie said. "WHAT, you know of this device?" "Sure, I had one when I was, let's see, uh four years old. They were quite a fad for a year or so," Dannie said. "Well, surely very few mortals could succeed in solving the mystery and aligning all the colors," the old man said. "I didn't think it was that hard." "HA! The arrogance of youth. Here, you try it young lady and when you have solved the problem of this cube I will be ready to teach you how to move between dimensions, if you are not to old to walk by then." The old man picked up the cube, twisted it several times, mixing up the colors and handed it to Dannie. "Oh, there's a couple in the front, the man's very angry, he demanded to see you," Dannie said. "Ah yes, the day after 'April Fools Day', he's just the first, of course." The old man smiled, a smile that Dannie was much more comfortable with. She followed the old man out into the store twisting the sides of the puzzle toy as she went. Just before they stepped through the curtain, she handed the cube back to the old man. "Giving up already? Dannie, you'll never be a sorceress if you don't put more effort into your studies." "I didn't give up, I'm done," she said. The Wizard looked at the cube, the colors were aligned on all six sides. "You used a spell, you must have, the idea is to use just your brain, not magic." "I didn't use a spell, it's not that hard, really," Dannie said. "Balderdash!" Dannie cringed, she hadn't heard the word before and she thought he was uttering a spell, when nothing happened, she relaxed. "Honestly, it's just a toy," Dannie said. "We'll discuss this later," he said handing the cube back to her. The old man strode into the shop and smiled at the man and Darlene. "Hello Bernie, my goodness, Darlene is beautiful isn't she? It's nice to get a chance to see my work, so often I don't get that opportunity. Now was there a problem?" the Wizard asked. "You're damned right there is. She's still a girl! I bought an April Fools gag, today's April 2nd, she didn't change back!" "Bernie, I sold you a transformation into a beautiful girl with a high sex drive, large breasts and somewhat reduced uh…brain power." "Right a bimbo and that's what she is but she WAS my best friend, David. I just wanted to play a trick on him. David was the only reason I was still in college. He motivated me, he helped me pass Algebra and history. David wants to be a doctor. Hell, DARLENE CAN'T SPELL DOCTOR!" Bernie said, he was screaming by the time he was finished. "I can too, D…O…C…T…E…R, doctor. See 'Mr. Smarty Pants'!" Darlene said. Bernie looked at the old man, his face getting redder by the second. "If you are dissatisfied, I'll gladly refund you money." The old man reached into his robe pocket and pulled out two twenty dollar bills and handed them to Bernie. "Okay then I'm sorry I yelled, I'm just a little upset. I mean Darlene's a great girl but I'm trying to be practical. I'm never going to play pro football so I need my education. David and I have a deal, he helps me pass my course and I help him with the girls. I always figured it was a fair trade off. I hope I may even find him a girl someday who likes him enough to be his girlfriend. So, when will he change back into David? Thinking about it, today is Sunday, tomorrow morning would be a good time, if you know what I mean," Bernie winked as he hugged Darlene close and she giggled. "Change back, I don't understand. The spell was unsatisfactory, I'm not charging you for it, what's the problem?" The Wizard asked. Dannie was holding the cube and she had idly mixed it up again as she watched the old man playing with Bernie. Darlene was bored and came over to stand next to Dannie who handed her the cube to play with. "I want Darlene changed back into David, that's the problem, haven't you been listening? I need David to help me pass college, wake up old man." "Ah, now I understand. I can change Darlene into David but that spell is slightly more expensive." "Okay, I see the scam you're running here, fine, how much?" Bernie said. "$18,000.00," the old man said. "What! I can't afford that! Why is it so much more?" "You bought the other spell on sale. The sale is over, I'm sorry." "But, but, but…" "However, I suppose I could allow you to make an even exchange of the first spell for the other one. If that's what you REALLY want to do?" the Wizard said. "Yes, that's exactly what I want to do," Bernie said. "Very well…" before he could start though, Darlene walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. "Here's your cube back, mister," Darlene said. She handed the old man the Rubik's Cube, with all the colors matching. The old man actually started to glow when he saw the aligned cube. Of course only Dannie could see the glow but she was scared enough for all of them. Gaining his composure, the Wizard waved his arms and muttered something unintelligible. Darlene and Bernie both froze where they were, Darlene's long blonde hair began getting shorter and her breasts began to shrink. At the same time, Bernie's body began to shrink and his dark brown hair began getting lighter and longer. In a few minutes it was over. David stood where Darlene had, now wearing jeans and a polo shirt while Betty stood where Bernie was, wearing the mini dress and heels that Darlene had been wearing, she was identical to Darlene in every way. "What happened?" Betty asked. "I processed your even exchange. I exchange one spell for the other. Since it was an even exchange, I had to make everything balance. Don't worry, Betty. You'll graduate from college and you still won't play pro football but you will be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. David will take good care of you, just as it should be, right David?" "Yes, c'mon Betty, we need to go study for that history test tomorrow. If you know it well enough, later we can do that special thing you like so well, with the whip cream," David said. Betty's eyes glazed for a minute as her mind made the final adjustment then she smiled up at David. "You're such a nice guy David, I guess I will move into the co-ed dorm with you after all. Can we stop at the shoe store next door before we go back to the campus?" Betty said as they left. "Okay, when do I get to learn to move between dimensions?" Dannie asked. The old man started to glow again causing Dannie to make a very wise decision. "You know what? I don't think I'm ready for that yet, why don't you let me know when you think I am?" "That's the smartest thing you've said in a month. I was beginning to think you liked the taste of flies," the Wizard said. Dannie shuddered and decided she needed to clean up the back room for awhile. The End.