Posted to VAMPYRES@GUVM by the Vampire Duck in 4/91.
Original conversion to HTML by the wonderful B. Middlet
A real vampire may not get a perfect score (but it should be high).  

Score a point for all yes answers:

01.) Do you prefer the night?

02.) Do you bite?

03.) Do you bite frequently?

04.) Is blood your major staple?

05.) Do you go a little crazy went you get some blood on your hands?

06.) Do you like the sight of blood?

07.) Do you have a strong lust reaction and start to salivate at the sight of blood?

08.) Were you personal friends with Lief Erickson, Napolean, or Genghis Kahn?

09.) Does garlic bother you in any way?

10.) Do you like steak tartar (if you don't eat food, or you're a vegetarian vampire, give yourself a point for originality)?

11.) Do you drink blood?

12.) Do you go into withdrawl pains or suffer in any way when you don't get enough blood during the day/week/month?

13.) Were you born over a hundred and twenty years ago?

14.) Are you Chaotic Evil during dinner time? (I couldn't resist)

15.) Do you sleep in a coffin or other enclosed space?

16.) Do you go to horror films for the comic element?

17.) Do you leave horror films frequently starving?

18.) Have you ever killed anyone for their blood (give yourself 3 points) ?

19.) Can you smell blood from a block away?

20.) Can you fly?

21.) Do you have superhuman powers?

22.) Can you take on a martial arts master?

23.) Do you have noticable fangs?

24.) Does the sight of a holy man with a religious symbol turn you?

25.) Do you take "life energy" from people?

26.) Have you ever killed small rodents, insects, or cute little Chip or Dale for their blood?

27.) Do you pretend to be reluctant/sympathetic over some bad habit you keep repeating?

28.) Has a vampire ever bit you?

29.) Have you ever tasted the blood of a vampire?

30.) Have you ever been close friends with any of the undead?

31.) Giving a choice between dying or becoming undead (Firefly's question), did you pick becoming undead?

32.) Do you believe in vampires?

33.) Have you ever met a vampire?

34.) Do you not reflect?

35.) Are you immortal?

36.) Is blood or taking blood one of your biggest priorities?

37.) Have you ever tried/considered/accomplished robbing a blood bank?

38.) Do your friends think you're a vampire?

39.) Does your SO think you're a vampire?

40.) Is your SO a vampire?

41.) When you read Alex J.'s fluff, do you go through a deja-vu?  (give yourself 5 points)

42.) Do you have those hypnotic eyes that nobody can resist?

43.) Is your favorite color red?

44.) Is your SO frequently prone to extreme moments of being tired?

45.) Do you like neck nibling?

46.) Have you (or will you) outlived your great great grandchildren?

47.) Do you avoid the daylight?

48.) Do you avoid holy water?

49.) Do you giggle at funerals?

50.) Do your eyes turn bizarre colors during feeding time?

51.) Do you dislike manaics chasing you with wooden stakes?

52.) Did you survive the black plague?

53.) Do you dislike getting burned to death?

54.) Would you survive a few bullet wounds in vital organs?

55.) In the midst of overwhelming different interpretations, when someone mentions the word "vampire", do you have a precise image of what this is come to your mind?

56.) Do you write vampire fluff based on personal experience?

57.) Do you not write vampire fluff based on personal experience?

58.) Do you have many excuses (like, they're a child abuser!) for killing?

59.) Do your victims (if they live) ever complain about a sore neck?

60.) Has anybody ever called you a pain in the neck?

61.) Do you like the taste of blood?

62.) Do you LOVE the taste of blood?

63.) Is there nothing in the universe that tastes better than blood?

64.) Can you change your form at will?

65.) Do you stay up all night? (no fair if you're a student, but okay)

66.) Do you sleep most (or all) the day?

67.) Do you make long term financial investments?

68.) Do you visit a grave yard more than once a week?

69.) Do you like to leave your mark on people?

70.) Do you like to sit in the front row around a boxing ring?

71.) Does the man in the mortuary pay you under the counter?

72.) Does it take more than coffee to wake you up sometimes?

73.) When you do wake up, do you often feel like you've risen from the dead?

74.) Do people often say this to your face?

75.) Do you secretly watch daredevils and hope for the worse?

76.) Can you run the hundred meters faster than 8 seconds?

77.) Do you read any vampire fanzines?

78.) Do you have more than 10 vampire books?

79.) Do you have around 50 or more vampire books?

80.) Have you read all your vampire books?

81.) Do you belong to a vampyres electronic mailing list?

82.) Have you seen over 20 vampire movies?

83.) When you do see a vampire movie, do you route for the vampire?

84.) Does it piss you off when the humans always win?

85.) Do you have a favorite blood type?

86.) Do people around you occasionally pass away due to blood loss?

87.) Have you ever passed away due to blood loss?

88.) Were you one of those vampire Doubting Thomas' once upon a time

who dared a vampire to show themself?

89.) Did you participate in the California Gold Rush?

90.) Do you carry home soil with you everywhere?

91.) Have you ever been buried?

92.) Are people cattle (opinion type of question) ?

93.) Do you often think your victims deserve what they get?

94.) Do you identify with the hungry hunter?

95.) Does the name vampire enter into your thoughts more than three times a day/night?

96.) Are you a car mechanic or politician?

97.) Do you frequently get blood stains on your clothes?

98.) Have you ever publicly admitted you'd become a vampire under certain conditions?

99.) (let the author know: fill in the blank) To see suggestions for Q.99 so far Click here .

100.) Do YOU think you're a vampire?

Scoring results:  

0-12: Let's face it. You're probably not a vampire. But I'm wary of people in this category. Vampirism may be disparate from their own personality, but because of this, it may be a form of a forbidden fruit for them. These people are the most inclined to increase their scores rapidly given the right circumstances.

 13-33: You're most likely human. While you have less personality traits in common with the vampire, people in this group might like certain aspects of vamprism as opposed to others. Like, they'd like the immortality, but hate hurting people; or, they'd like hurting people, but would fear getting bored doing it.

 34-50: You're still most likely human. But here we start to see people with more and more characteristics of the vampire. Some people in this group would be willing to join the undead given the right circumstances. Others may only now be realizing exactly how much they have in common with the vampire. Still others just love blood a lot.

 51-59: If you're mortal and you know a vampire you may not stay mortal much longer. Part of the probability does refer to the future as well, with this in mind, most members of this group are likely to be human, or if they're a vampire, they're probably a newly turned one.  

60-74: We see more hard core vampire loving humans or newly turned vampires here. If you're mortal and you got this score, quickly check your results on the Vampire Vulnerability Test. If that is high too, you're in big trouble. You probably like the taste of blood, are entirely nocturnal, and have a wonderful viewpoint for making posts. Then again, if you do get this high of a score, quickly test to see if indeed you are human.

 75 and up: You are what you are. And you are a Vampire.