I should explain for those who don't know what I am talking about when I say "Don't Tell",

I mean don't tell people you are HIV+, it backfires over and over, it influences your employment and promotion opportunities, and money is precisely what you need for the times coming up, and don't ever cancel your life insurance, HIV+ or not, it is your only safety belt in today's world. voice of experience talking)

Please think very carefully before you tell your work (both present and future) - it will have a big impact, even if you can't see that now.

I'm not saying don't tell anyone, tell your partner if you have one, and you must tell before any sexual contact, and you must tell if you are working around food or you job involves others at risk of contraction.

But be warned telling isn't like the movies where the final shot is walking into the sunset, it just doesn't happen.  You will get support from those who really care about you, but you will find out who your friends are very fast. Just face the facts that there will always be people prepared to judge and assume all too fast.

A lot of people back away because they are afraid of something they don't know about. There were times when I have felt like a leper, watching people's actions and behaviors change, many times they act totally unconsciously. After all these years I am used to it, and when it happens I don't react emotionally to it.  I just accept it. Then you get the opposite and see someone's face show you pity, personally I don't need that patronizing glance, although there are times when I have milked it for all it is worth, hey isn't honesty the best policy?

To those who don't realise you can't get HIV from toilet seats or cups, from hugging and being in the same room, for those who fear for their children near you, I say to you, use the web, ask your doctor, read something, you have more chance of catching Hepatitis than HIV.

Among those in similar situations I found an incredible range of remedies for dealing with HIV, alternative medicines, holistic disciplines, diets and health regimes all pushed and promoted for cure or postponement, none of which I denigrate because they all help to stabilise a situation that is difficult to come to terms with.
 I would advise that you get to know your enemy, so you can understand what is happening to you and why.

'I died as mineral and became a plant,

I died as plant and rose to animal.

I died as animal and I was human.

Why should I fear?  When was I less by dying?

Yet once more I shall die human,

To soar with angels blessed above.

And when I sacrifice my angel soul

I shall become what no mind ever conceived.'

Allow me to become reticent for a moment to say that I have indeed thought of those I may have unknowingly taken with me, but that I would never willingly see anyone not even my worst enemy through this life changing process.  I will grant that it has made me a better person and I can only thank HIV for helping me understand the world and its harsh meaning. In times when I was stronger and could look after myself in a physical and emotional way, I used that strength to help others learn about HIV and AIDS.

Shane