As a teenager, I was "normally" attracted to girls. But I must admit that, deep inside,
their skirts and blouses gave me as much of a thrill as their hair, lips and bodies! Alone in
my room, I would often stand in front of my mirror, dressed up in a handmade skirt (a
bath towel I had stitched together) and blouse (one of my boy's shirts, buttoned
backward) and imagine myself as one of these girls while playing with my erection. I felt
a little ashamed of this strange behaviour, but not too much. I was quite sure that it was
just a temporary perversion, related to the fact that I was too young to have any real
experience with women, and had to compensate with this auto-erotic sexuality. It would
surely disappear as soon as I fell in love.
When I had my first lovers, it did not stop me being attracted by nylons, panties and other
women's garments. I bought a few items of lingerie when I was around nineteen. So for
many years, this remained a part of my inner sexual persona, but a pretty well contained
one. I managed to have a normal married life, although one which was not very satisfying
on the sexual level. My wife resisted any form of sexual exploration beyond the "normal
way", and she lacked the confidence in herself to talk openly about our sexual difficulties.
For myself, I did not dare expose my "perversion" to her. So there remained a wide field of
untold secrets between us. This is not very helpful when there are difficulties between a
couple. But we stayed together for 15 years (mostly happy, I must say). We had two
children who are now (by the end of 1997) 22 and 19.
During those years, I read lots of magazines about cross-dressing, from the old
Transvestia, produced by Virginia Prince in the early 70's, to Tapestry, published by the
Boston Institute for Gender Expression (IFGE). These magazines helped me to accept my
inner need as such, and not as a disease. By my mid 30's, I was dressing on a regular
basis when home alone. In fact, this (still closeted) activity was less and less sexual, and
more and more "casual". I would just dress up, and sit in my armchair reading and
listening to my favorite music for a few hours, than turn back into my male self. I think I
was trying to "normalize" my femme self.
After my divorce, Priscilla had a few mouths of (limited) freedom. I had a beard, at that
time, so I did not go out as a woman. But I began using make-up on a day-to-day basis
(eye-liner, mascara, light powder... very subtle, but still there!) and I bought a complete
collection of women's panties, nylons and camisoles that I would wear under my male
clothes. When working at home (I was a freelance writer) I would dress as Priscilla and
wear high-heeled shoes often enough to get used to it. But I soon embarked on a new
long-term relationship with the woman who is still my loved one. She discovered my
cross-dressing almost from the start. Even if she is not very comfortable with it and not at
all attracted by Priscilla, she accepts my need to dress, and even offered me to come and
see Priscilla from time to time if I feel the need of it. I use the expression "come and see"
because, in fact, we do not share the same apartment, but live on two floors of the same
Triplex. This arrangement allows us to eat together, sleep together, spend most of our
time together, but keep our own quarters when needed. It allows me to dress fully en
femme a few times a month, walk in high-heeled shoes often enough not to lose the
knack, apply full make-up, earrings and jewellery when I'm alone (when the children are
not home) and wear feminine underwear most of the time.
If Priscilla is still marginal to my life (my sexual life as a man is very satisfying, by now...
and my professional life too), I like to let her go out from time to time. It's mostly for
short walks in the streets, at night, like going to the mail box or to the automatic bank
teller, a few blocks from my place, or just going to my car and driving across town. I have
also made a few excusions to TV bars, twice for Halloween, and a couple of other times
with some TV friends. But I would like to give her a little bit more space in the future. Let
her have her own friends. Let her go shopping, have a drink on a terrasse, go to
restaurants, and dance... and flirt with men, why not? Because I have to admit that, even
if when dressed as a man I have never been attracted by another male, it becomes more
blurred when I'm in my female mode. On a few occasions, I have felt a very strong sexual
drive toward male stallions I've seen in a bar or on the street... noting with regret that I
did not pass well enough to be able to seduce them. Sigh !
I apologize for my poor english writing. Those who read French will appreciate
the equivalent story, in French
or a more detailed
reflexion about my cross-dressing,
its cause, its significance, and it's effect on my personality. And many thanks for my distant friend Jean who did the translation for me.
© 1997 Priscilla@caress.com
During those years, I read lots of magazines about cross-dressing, from the old
Transvestia, produced by Virginia Prince in the early 70's, to Tapestry, published by the
Boston Institute for Gender Expression (IFGE). These magazines helped me to accept my
inner need as such, and not as a disease. By my mid 30's, I was dressing on a regular
basis when home alone. In fact, this (still closeted) activity was less and less sexual, and
more and more "casual". I would just dress up, and sit in my armchair reading and
listening to my favorite music for a few hours, than turn back into my male self. I think I
was trying to "normalize" my femme self.
After my divorce, Priscilla had a few mouths of (limited) freedom. I had a beard, at that
time, so I did not go out as a woman. But I began using make-up on a day-to-day basis
(eye-liner, mascara, light powder... very subtle, but still there!) and I bought a complete
collection of women's panties, nylons and camisoles that I would wear under my male
clothes. When working at home (I was a freelance writer) I would dress as Priscilla and
wear high-heeled shoes often enough to get used to it. But I soon embarked on a new
long-term relationship with the woman who is still my loved one. She discovered my
cross-dressing almost from the start. Even if she is not very comfortable with it and not at
all attracted by Priscilla, she accepts my need to dress, and even offered me to come and
see Priscilla from time to time if I feel the need of it. I use the expression "come and see"
because, in fact, we do not share the same apartment, but live on two floors of the same
Triplex. This arrangement allows us to eat together, sleep together, spend most of our
time together, but keep our own quarters when needed. It allows me to dress fully en
femme a few times a month, walk in high-heeled shoes often enough not to lose the
knack, apply full make-up, earrings and jewellery when I'm alone (when the children are
not home) and wear feminine underwear most of the time.
If Priscilla is still marginal to my life (my sexual life as a man is very satisfying, by now...
and my professional life too), I like to let her go out from time to time. It's mostly for
short walks in the streets, at night, like going to the mail box or to the automatic bank
teller, a few blocks from my place, or just going to my car and driving across town. I have
also made a few excusions to TV bars, twice for Halloween, and a couple of other times
with some TV friends. But I would like to give her a little bit more space in the future. Let
her have her own friends. Let her go shopping, have a drink on a terrasse, go to
restaurants, and dance... and flirt with men, why not? Because I have to admit that, even
if when dressed as a man I have never been attracted by another male, it becomes more
blurred when I'm in my female mode. On a few occasions, I have felt a very strong sexual
drive toward male stallions I've seen in a bar or on the street... noting with regret that I
did not pass well enough to be able to seduce them. Sigh !
I apologize for my poor english writing. Those who read French will appreciate
the equivalent story, in French
or a more detailed
reflexion about my cross-dressing,
its cause, its significance, and it's effect on my personality. And many thanks for my distant friend Jean who did the translation for me.
© 1997 Priscilla@caress.com
If Priscilla is still marginal to my life (my sexual life as a man is very satisfying, by now...
and my professional life too), I like to let her go out from time to time. It's mostly for
short walks in the streets, at night, like going to the mail box or to the automatic bank
teller, a few blocks from my place, or just going to my car and driving across town. I have
also made a few excusions to TV bars, twice for Halloween, and a couple of other times
with some TV friends. But I would like to give her a little bit more space in the future. Let
her have her own friends. Let her go shopping, have a drink on a terrasse, go to
restaurants, and dance... and flirt with men, why not? Because I have to admit that, even
if when dressed as a man I have never been attracted by another male, it becomes more
blurred when I'm in my female mode. On a few occasions, I have felt a very strong sexual
drive toward male stallions I've seen in a bar or on the street... noting with regret that I
did not pass well enough to be able to seduce them. Sigh !
I apologize for my poor english writing. Those who read French will appreciate
the equivalent story, in French
or a more detailed
reflexion about my cross-dressing,
its cause, its significance, and it's effect on my personality. And many thanks for my distant friend Jean who did the translation for me.
or a more detailed reflexion about my cross-dressing, its cause, its significance, and it's effect on my personality. And many thanks for my distant friend Jean who did the translation for me.
© 1997 Priscilla@caress.com