40 Reasons Why Cucumbers are Better than Men!

• The average cucumber is at least six inches long.

• Cucumbers stay hard for a week.

• A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't count.

• Cucumbers never get too excited.

• You can fondle cucumbers in the supermarket ... and you know how firm it is before you take one home.

• A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.

• You can go to a movie with a cucumber ... and see the movie.

• At a drive-in you can stay in the front seat ... a cucumber can always wait until you get home.

• A cucumber won't ask `Am I the first'.

• A cucumber won't tell the other cucumbers that you're not a virgin any more.

• A cucumber doesn't care if you were ever a virgin.

• Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or get into bed with your boots on.

• You can have as many cucumbers as you like.

• You only eat cucumbers when you feel like it.

• Cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, ski instructor, or hair dresser.

• Cucumbers aren't into meaningful relationships or discussions.

• A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the fridge.

• No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.

• A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.

• With a cucumber you never have to say you are sorry.

• Cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.

• Cucumbers can stay up all night ... and you won't have to sleep on the wet spot.

• Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month.

• Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.

• A cucumber won't eat all your food and drink all your beer.

• Cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor.

• With a cucumber the toilet seat is always the way you left it.

• A cucumber will never leave you for :
  a) another woman
  b) another man
  c) another cucumber.

• You always know where your cucumber has been.

• You won't find out later that your cucumber :
  a) is married
  b) is on penicillin.

• You don't have to wait until half time to talk to your cucumber.

• Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.

• A cucumber won't walk around the house while the shades up.

• It's easy to drop a cucumber.

• A cucumber will never eat crackers in bed.

• Cucumbers don't leave a funny taste in your mouth.

• A cucumber doesn't come home drunk after a night out with the cucumbers.

• There is never any threat of your cucumber leaving home.

• Cucumbers don't steal all the covers, and will stay with you until morning (if you want).

• No matter how you slice it, you can have your cucumber and eat it too.
  

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  WASHINGTON, D.C.