I went to see "The Celluloid Closet" recently. In this movie Tom Hanks summed up the topic of today’s sermon when he said that no matter what the gender of the people involved, the word love is still spelled with the same four letters: L O V E, and as we Unitarian Universalists often say "Love is the Doctrine of our Church."

I was astonished when I looked on the internet to see if I could find any personal stories of discrimination faced by gay men and lesbians because they were denied the right to marry. I found so much pain and suffering. Today I would like to share just some of these stories. I have chosen ten reasons to support same gender marriage. I have illustrated each of these ten points with two true stories which I found on the internet.

"My children are denied federal benefits that children who have 2 parents have. If one of us dies, the fact that the surviving parent doesn’t get survivor's benefits from social security has a serious negative impact on our children. By lacking that benefit, I need to buy more life insurance to protect my family and that takes money away from my children that could be used to save for college or whatever."

"Rodrigues and Pregil are one of the couples currently seeking to get married in Hawaii which may legalize same gender marriage within two years. Rodrigues and Pregil raised a child together and longed for the benefits of marriage. A welder, Rodrigues is the breadwinner but couldn’t extend her medical benefits to Pregil and her daughter. This year, the couple became grandmothers when the daughter, gave birth to a boy."

This is probably the most important legal reason for same gender marriage - the legal discrimination faced by the children of gay men and lesbians. This discrimination is more widespread than I originally thought. Family law experts of the American Bar Association estimate there are over 4 million lesbian and gay parents in the U.S., with 8 to 10 million children [Family Law Reporter 13, 1987].

"When Juan Navarrete came home from the market in March 1989, he found his partner LeRoy Tranton lying on the concrete, his head covered with blood. He had fallen off a ladder. At the hospital, he slipped into a coma. His brother transferred him to a nursing home and prevented Navarrete from seeing him. Unable to legally prove his relationship with his partner of eight years, Navarrete ... lost him. The morning of the court hearing for visitation rights, the brother's lawyer called to say the session would not be necessary. Tranton died four days earlier, and his body had already been shipped out of state. ``I was so disappointed,'' Navarrete says. ``Where is the human part there? Where is the human part?""

(The second story is by Mitzi Henderson, president of PFLAG, an elder of the Presbyterian Church)

"As a mother, I am concerned about more than my son's recognized definition of family. In fact, because he can’t marry his partner, I have fears for my gay son that I don’t have for my other children. Two years ago, my son fell ill and lost consciousness. Though his partner of more than nine years rushed him to the hospital, he couldn’t authorize necessary medical treatment since, according to the government, my son and his partner are no more than strangers to each other. In health care, every minute counts. Because my son was not legally married to his partner, valuable time was lost, time in which his condition worsened."

Without the right to marry Lesbians and gay men have no legal right when it comes to the health care of the person they love.

(A man wrote) "In 1990 I entered a relationship with a Malaysian Chinese who was in the US on an F1 student visa. When he returned to his country for a visit he was denied a return visa. The grief I experienced as a result of this loss has no parallel in my life. This issue means more to me than tax advantages and "in the eyes of God." A straight man and a woman can avoid the kind of separation that hurts me to this day with a 5-minute ceremony."

I thought this type of discrimination would not affect many people until I found an organization whose membership consisted of "3000 binational gay and lesbian couples fighting for the freedom to marry!"

"The biggest pocketbook issue for many same-sex couples is health insurance. If he had a wife, Frank Percesepe could get excellent insurance for her through his employer, a small manufacturing company in New York. But his partner of seven years is Jeff Giordano, a former accountant now studying jewelry design and paying $300 a month for separate coverage. Some 300 companies now extend benefits to same-sex partners. "There are some steps same-sex couples can take to protect themselves, but it means extra headaches and extra money," says Erica Bell, a New York attorney who has many gay and lesbian clients."

Deb Price and Joyce Murdoch, who live in the suburbs of Washington, D.C., are having wills and other legal documents drafted that wouldn't be necessary if their union were legally sanctioned. "Joyce paid $400 the other day, and that's just the start," says a frustrated Ms. Price. "It's going to be a couple of thousand more before we're through."

There are many other areas where lesbians and gay couples face discrimination: Automatic Inheritance; Bereavement Leave; Burial Determination; Child Custody, Crime Victims Recovery Benefits; Divorce Protections; Domestic Violence Protections; Exemption from Property Tax on Partner's Death; Immigration Rights for Foreign Spouse; Immunity from Testifying Against A Spouse; Insurance Breaks; Joint Adoption and Foster Care; Joint Parenting (Insurance Coverage, School Records); Medical Decisions on Behalf of Partner; Various Property Rights; Reduced Rate Memberships; Sick Leave to Care for Partner; Social Security Survivor Benefits; Tax Breaks; Partner Visitation in Hospital or Prison; Wrongful Death Benefits; etc.

"When my former partner died of AIDS, it would have been nice to be recognized by the Veteran's Administration and Social Security as the caring partner who took care of him until his death. After his death, it would have been great if I could have changed the name on the gas & electric bills without having to have service disconnected and then re-connected with a new installation charge. Since his illness wiped out my life savings, it would have been great to receive a widow's pension from the government. Although many health insurers now offer domestic partner benefits, it would be wonderful if these benefits were a legal right for everyone, & not a concession"

The second story is by Bill (I apologize for his language) "When my partner died of AIDS (a Vietnam veteran), the VA representative told me that the VA would be "thrilled" that there was no widow to pay a pension to. I guess I didn't amount to a piece of shit in the feds' eyes. Although his illness and death drained our savings before he was Medicaid eligible (don't ever have joint accounts with a same-sex partner!), I got no survivor benefit from Social Security."

Janet Elizabeth Flecher of Pennsylvania said: "I am in a legal marriage to my partner Mary Lou of 21 years. due to a sex change operation. There are perhaps 150-200 marriages like ours in the States today.

Deni L. Scott wrote: "Although I am female, I have been legally married to my spouse, another woman, since October 26, 1968. This is possible because I am a post operative male-to-female transsexual who was married when I was legally male. Why do... supporters of DOMA want to invalidate my legal and very committed marriage? Why do you want to make my three sons illegitimate children?...I am a very devout Christian... When Christ views how some people are using His holy name to attack and harm others, He must weep with sorrow. I pray that Christ forgives them and softens their hearts." (DOMA, for those who do not know, is a national anti same gender marriage law.)

"I lose 15% of my compensation package in benefits that are not accorded because my marriage of 21 years is not officially recognized, even though we are registered domestic partners and canonically married in our church."

Marissa wrote: "I was looking over the insurance policy for my motorcycle when I noticed that there were different classifications for married and unmarried persons. I am at a 3MS rate class because I am "single" and 22 years old. If I were married, I would be at the 3MM rate class. The difference, the 3MM people get a lower premium. Why? According to a Geico representative, it is assumed that if you are married you will not ride your bike as much because you would only "ride on the weekends with your wife" whereas if your single you would "probably ride it everyday." Does this scream of discrimination or what?"

On a personal note I recently started an IRA. The agent informed me that a spouse would be able to immediately inherit it. Anyone else would be subject to taxes.

"My life partner and I, who have spent many thousands of dollars on a variety of side-door legal documents in an attempt to protect our children, continue to spend thousands more annually buying additional health insurance because without a marriage license we do not qualify for one family policy. Our children could have used that money for their education."

"A Michigan court ignored the pleas of a non biological mother when the biological mother died of ovarian cancer. The judge even ignored the wishes of the two adolescent boys, raised for as long as they could remember by their two moms, and gave them instead to their biological father-- a man who abandoned them until there were Social Security benefits to be had. If the women had been legally married, the court would have viewed her as a valid stepparent. As it was, her years of parenting didn't even merit visitation."

"Consider my friend Don, whose partner recently died of cancer, and who -because they could not marry -was prevented from carrying out his beloved's wishes for burial, even though they'd been together more than 20 years. Don’t gay couples deserve that right?"

Last night I spoke with a local gay man. He told me of a friend who when his partner of more than 15 years died the brother of the dead man contested the will. Even though the gay partner won the case it took 3 and a half years and $32,000. .

Melillo, Lagon, Dancel and Baehr are the other two couples currently seeking to get married in Hawaii. Melillo and Lagon, both Catholic, wanted to formalize their relationship. "When you're born a Catholic, it's bred into you that you will meet someone, fall in love and get married," Lagon said.

Dancel and Baehr, both 36, were newly in love when they decided to tie the knot publicly. Baehr had attended her sister's wedding, where people celebrated that relationship. "I didn't understand why I couldn't have the same thing."

The second story is by Chris Glaser, author of "Uncommon Calling--A Gay Christian's Struggle to Serve the Church

"When my partner's and my relationship was blessed two years ago by our Presbyterian church in Atlanta, I felt transformed by our exchange of vows before God and a supportive community of family, friends and church members. I felt even more tenderly toward my partner and I understood more profoundly the sacred nature of our commitment. But when the local newspaper ran a notice of our ceremony, other Presbyterians demanded that our pastor be reprimanded and our blessing "undone." Another male couple attending the ceremony expressed regret that they had never had such a ceremony. Less than two weeks later, one was killed in a traffic accident. Because most members of their congregation were unaware of the significance of their relationship, the surviving partner did not receive the support that might have otherwise been offered by fellow churchgoers."

But these ten reasons for same gender marriage (and there are many other reasons) are really only secondary. What is important is Love. This is illustrated in my final story from the internet.

"It will cost us if gay marriage is ever recognized by the state we live in or by the federal government... this is because both my "spouse" and I are on Social Security Disability Income (SSDI) and Supplemental Security Income (SSI)... and in heterosexual "marriages" when two people on SSDI or SSI get married, they lose 2/3rd's of their combined monthly income. My love and devotion is worth the sacrifice."

When two people love one another nobody had the right to stand in their way. I am proud that our denomination has spoken out strongly and clearly for the rights of same gender couples. But of course this comes as no surprise for love is the doctrine of our church.