There are days when...

I catch myself in a lie
convincing myself I’m happy
while denying the sadness inside
when all I have is emptiness
there is nothing left to lose
deep in my soul
the boy in me wants to cry
and the man in me wants to die
in retrospect
I regret
I wish that I could change the past
but my mistakes were meant to last
my friend is dead
so many things left unsaid
I never said goodbye
I was too busy questioning why
why, why, why,
why did he have to die?

I look to the sky for answers
all I see is clouds
my life
a million rainy days
the rain from the skies
wash the tears from my eyes
but not the tear tattoos
etched in my mind

There are days when...
sometimes, just sometimes,
the sun shines in my world
a subtle ray of light
in the form of hope
but, like life, it never lasts
soon the hope is eclipsed
by the clouds, as it always is,
my happiness is overshadowed
by the guilt of forgetting his face,
realizing every breath I take for granted
is one he never had
the fact that I am alive and he is not