Back and Forth

I am not full-time yet but I am getting to the point where I am spending more and more time in my preferred gender role. Which means I am constantly going back and forth between female and male roles. This is difficult at times because even though I am in drab, Beverly is very much still present with her speech, mannerisms and personality. I have caught several times about to send a company memo signed by Beverly (that could out me long before I am ready for the company to know).

I know I am not alone because most of us reach a point where we are flopping back and forth between genders. Some find this very difficult to handle because of the totally different personalities that each gender presentation has. And some people actually seam to have a true split personality so much so that they hate the other persona even though it is them. I know I went through a period where I despised my male self. I was struggling to add more androgyny to my looks and it stood out so because my male persona had for years rejected anything remotely feminine. So I curse my male self for digging me into such a deep hole that I was having a very hard time overcoming.

And then my dear friend Tiffany taught me to integrate both personas into one. By taking the strengths of each gender and blending them into a whole being, where by no matter how I am dressed it is still me. Great concept but it was not easy to do but with time it was done. And with time Beverly's traits have come to dominate and now whether I am with friend dressed in a skirt and blouse or at work dressed in a coat and tie (yuck) basically Beverly is here all the time. I still have to watch how I my sign e-mails at work but flopping down the stairs does not hurt as bad.

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