Can't Touch That
Continuing on from last month, I thought I would instill on your some more pearls of wisdom that got from my voice classes at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. See what a bargain you get here on the TGForum, I pay to learn this stuff and you get it and so much more for your subscription to the forum (no Cindy did not pay me to say that but I am open to any change that she might throw my way).Going back to the basic premise of how women communicate by consensous, I would like to look at the physical ways that women talk. Speaking as a woman involves a lot more than pitch and intonation, it also includes word choice and phrasing and even more interesting is the physical aspects to their speach.
Sure we all know about fay or the using our hands to express ourselve. Will women are usually much more animated than men in this area. Some people feel uneasy about doing this. The easy way to get your elbows away from your sides and then it just seems that the hands start moving. Whatever you do, never stick your hands in your pockets if you have any. That is a male thing they use to keep their hands still.
And speaking of hands in pockets, posture is very important. If you notice how men and women stand, a male puts his feel about shoulds distance apart which gives him a firm stance. Women on the other hand stand with their feet together or very close with maybe one leg slightly ahead of the other.
Facial expression is also very important in communication not only for the speaker but even more so for the listener. Remember our premise, well as the speaker talks the listener wants the speak to know that she is understanding and there in the conversation with her by giving the speaker little head nods of agreement or shaking her head in sympathy or expersions of empathy to the situation. To really show intensess listening the listener will also tilt her head sort of like a dog use when you speak to it. I call it the dog tilt because it is very similar to what a dog does when you speak to it.
Every notice how women will lean toward each other and lower their voices? No this is not a conspiracy but rather a way that women signal each other that what they are discussing is important or serious. And there again, when the first woman leans forward, it makes the other woman also lean forward and thereby drawing the listener into the conversation and we have consensous communication. Communication between women is sharing and all these little things helps both the listener and speaker share in what is being said.
My last little tip is the one that I have the most difficulty with and that is touching. Here again those old male habits are showing themselve. As males we were brought up to respect the space of others, which to invade someone elses space could lead to confrontation - can't touch that. Now women do not have this hangup. It is normal for them in conversation to touch them on the arm or leg. Sometimes it is to get the attention of others or someone as a show of concern and closeness. But for me it is really hard to do and feel comfortable about it. I asked my instructors and it seems to be more common with older women these days or with women that are very good friends. So maybe women are adapting the more male habit of honoring space but I hope not because men communication in very sterile and no emotional ways and I so love the closeness that all women seem to share and when I communicate with them as equals it is very very rewarding.
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