Transgendered Island

“Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
A tale of a faith trip.
That started from this topic port,
Aboard this tiny ship.”

Last month I sat and watched CBS milk yet another two hours out of Gilligan’s Island which for our younger readers is a sitcom from the 1960’s. After five seasons, countless reruns, reunion shows, several TV movies and now The Secrets of Gilligan’s Island; I wonder why I watched it. I guess it is a part of all of us to try to capture something from our youth, and I freely admit that I watched and love the show for its pure escapism.

Now today with wisdom it seems so childish. I never questioned some of the totally absurd things that the producers had us swallow, like how so many guest stars could just find their way onto and off the island and still no rescue. Why Ginger carried a full wardrobe of evening gowns and jewelry for a “three hour tour, a three hour tour?” If you saw pictures of the boat; there was no way that she, four passengers and her luggage could have gotten on board. And how on earth did she manage to walk in sand in heels? I never questioned Ginger because I so wanted to be like her and still do. (sigh)

And then there was the inventive professor who could make anything from some bamboo, palm leaves and twine which got me thinking about transgendered people in general. If a group of TG’s were stranded on that island they would have been off of there in no time. And the reason is simple, “no stores!” Actually, as a group, I do not know of any other part of society that is more resourceful, imaginative, inventive or creative as we are. Think about it. How many of us not being able to buy expensive breast forms have developed our own? We have use stockings, balloons, baggies and other containers filled with anything from bird seed, water, Jell-O and who knows what other multitude of concoctions to help us achieve a more attractive and realistic bust line. I even know one girl that sculpted, molded and her made her own forms with liquid latex. As children, how many of us would take towels and sheets to make our own gowns. If you gave our TG castaways some clamshells, coconuts, palm leaves and some string you would have a formal cotillion by the end of the day.

As far as resourcefulness, we are tops. Seems like we have to do everything on our own. Just ask any girl out there about getting hormone and not having a prescription and you will see that we do find ways to get things done. I have been amazed at the stories I have heard from girls who could not dress at home. Some resorted to dressing in a ladies restroom, or in a stairwell of a parking deck, or in a dorm room while their roomie was in the bathroom, or while driving a car. One friend actually showed me that trick on a busy interstate highway. She was very adept at driving with her knees while fastening her bra. WARNING… Do not attempt to do this while passing a tractor-trailer rig.

I then began to think about secrecy and how well we are able to hide our lives and our wardrobes from others. There has to be a business opportunity in home security with that skill. Just let a CD into your home and with in minutes she will be able to show you how to hide your valuables. You have to admit that we are gooooood. Think about it, David Copperfield could not make room full of clothes disappear at the sound of a car entering the driveway as fast we can. So it would be a cinch for us to hide stocks and bonds, jewelry, a small safe or even a GMC Suburban.

Therefore, as a group we would never have been on that island as long as the cast of Gilligan’s Island because we certainly would have figured a way to attract attention, and we would have also figured out how to walk in sand with five inch heels.

Everyone sing:

“The ship set ground on the shore,
Of this uncharted desert isle,
With Beverly,
Christine too,
A CD and his wife,
A Drag Queen,
An M2F and a F2M.
Here on Transgendered Isle.”

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