I had been letting my hair grow some in the hope that I could incorporate a new longer hair style in my male role. The male in me is a creature of habit and has not had a change in hair style in over 20 years; so any change no matter how small would be instantly noticed by everyone. My goal is to gradually let my hair grow longer because a slow change would be less noticeable. I wanted a style that I could wear femme yet brush back into a close proximity of how I wear my hair now in my male mode. Using my own hair was suggested by my therapist because a wig is disguise, something to hid behind and she was very adamant that I was in fact hiding with my wig (maybe she was right - the wig does change my looks totally). Also more importantly is the fact that I need to have my hair long for my future transition so why wait any long.
So over the past couple of months, I had refused to get my hair cut; and it became a source of arguments with my mom. I had to admit that it was getting pretty wild. I have thick hair with a natural wave in it which does not lend itself to being manageable, and at this in between stage it is very unmanageable. It is not long enough to do much with yet too long to keep as is.
Well I got the never to ask my very best friend Tiffany to make me an appointment at the saloon where she has her hair done. Tiffany wears her hair in a femme style all the time (even in her boy mode which still gets her ma'am ‘ed a lot). So in preparation I bought some hairstyle magazines to try to find a style that might work for me. I am a novice at this and do not know anything about styling my hair or what styles if any would work with me. So I found a dozen styles (most variations of the same basic style which in fact is similar to Tiffany's style).
So about 15 minutes before noon, Tiffany met me outside the saloon to look over the styles. I had asked her to be there and go in with me because I was very nervous and somewhat scared (I am nervous and scared a lot). I really needed some sisterly re-assurance going in and meeting Debbie, the stylist with whom I had the appointment.
As Debbie finished with her current customer, Tiffany and I approached her. Tiffany introduced us and explained who I was. Oh by the way, I was in boy mode and Tiffany was in her ever present androgynous mode (which is as boy as she gets anymore).
Debbie asked me to be seated and asked what I wanted. I told her that I want a femme style that could be converted back into the masculine style I had now. She ran her fingers through my hair and fluffed it out and thought and then got out a blow dryer and brush to see if she could get rid of the natural wave. She then said that she had an idea and I told her that I would leave everything to her judgment and she never looked that the magazines.
Well she washed and conditioned my hair, and then started to remove length and fullness where it was not needed. I watched in fascination as she trimmed and cut, and then with blow dryer and curling iron and brush she worked her magic. I have to admit that I was getting worried that I would not be able to butch it back up to the old style. More and more she curled and brushed and straightened until she had given me a fabulously feminine hairstyle. I could not believe my eyes. I had come in with the hopes of getting a sort of in between look with maybe getting a truly femme style several months down the road when my hair was longer. I just could not believe the bangs, the full sides and top with volume and curl. I paid her and gave her a generous tip for in my mind she had gone beyond just giving me a style. She was kind and courteous and interested in me and helpful. She had shown me what she did and why but I know that I will never be able to repeat her magic touch.
So I walked out of the saloon with a new femme hair style but dressed in drab. I must have been a sight because when I checked into the motel a few minutes later, the guy behind the counter just could not make out what was going on. He was having a difficult time processing my reservation.
Later that afternoon, I left the motel dressed and without a wig for the first time. I felt a little naked but it felt so good. It was so light and airy so unlike the wigs. I did get a wonderful complement later. Tiffany and I were meeting some friends. We greeted Amy who was also wearing her own hair for the first time and she really looked good and cute, and she had done it all herself. Well Karla came in and saw Amy and complemented her on her hair. She then turned to me to greet Amy's "mother". Karla has seen me in drab and as Beverly but she was total fooled by my natural look. I could not have received a more wonderful complement or have a more beautiful daughter *giggle*.
My natural look. It is not a very glamorous look but according to everyone who saw it last night, it worked so much better than my normal look with the light auburn wig. I do have one complaint and that the new style shows all my gray hair. So I am now thinking able another visit next month to get a color rinse applied to cover some of the gray (I am so vain).
This morning I had to wash it all out and return it back to my masculine mode. I hated doing it but it had to be done. Tiffany and I went to lunch at the same restaurant that we had dinner the night before. We even had the same waiter and I do not even know if he recognized me from the previous evening. One other observation was that my mom (who misses very little) did not say one word about my hair cut when I can in today. So until I can learn to duplicate Debbie's efforts I will be using the wig but I know have a new direction in my journey. I am one step closer to womanhood.
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