Hell
Have you ever sat across from someone and things are not right? You see the smile, you hear the words, you hear the laughter yet your mind wanders because something is not right. You hear the words again but do they mean what you hear. Your thoughts are broken with the laugher which brings you back to focus on the smile and the eyes. The eyes. Something is not right. There is a twinkle there from the overhead light but is it. Something is not right. You lean forward to catch the words and you hear something else behind them and you look at the face. The twinkle is there but not from merriment but from moisture. The smile is still there but now you see the slight twitching at the corners from the strain to keep it smiling. The laughter is there but it is shallow, empty and forced. The words are now making sense; you begin to understand as you look back to the eyes and see the trickle of a tear running down the side of a check. And for an instant the smile is gone. The strain is too hard to keep it on the face. The words have stopped as the person suddenly is brought back to reflect on all that they have said. The tears flow in a silent river. And then as if suddenly jolted by electricity the smile returns, the laughter is back and the words begin again. But now you understand, now you see beyond the clown, you see the heart and for a brief instant the soul. You have seen their hell, and you realize that you have looked inside of yourself. And unfortunately you know that everything is right in such a wrong way.Last night I saw hell, mine, in the eyes of another.
God it scares me so.
Those are the thoughts I had after spending the evening with two girls who have lost everything and I do mean everything. I do not mean to be negative but the reality check from last night needs to be seen by everyone who contemplates transitioning. The ugly truth is that all is not pretty and "happily ever after" needs to shouted to everyone. I am not telling anyone not to transition; but make sure that it is what is right for you, and do plan and move forward carefully so that you can advoid the hell that I saw last night.
Get your own Free Home Page