The Negative Side of Passing
During a recent discussion of passing at a support group that I attend, we were listing out all the positives of passing. When it was my turn I told them that passing means freedom. It would allow me the freedom to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to and without fear. And as they continued around the room I suddenly realized in my twisted mind that there is a very big downside to passing.We all want to pass. It has been my dream; and sometimes I pass and sometimes I do not pass. I wish I knew why I didn't. So how can there be a negative to passing. I mean I want to taken for and treated like any other GG out there. Is that wrong? Well in a sense YES. You see by being taken for a genetic female, I am denying who I really am. I am a transsexual woman. In doing that I am denying all my history. In fact, if I pass and to keep the illusion up, I am a woman without a past. I have no history and if someone were to ask about my children, husband, family and friends I either have to play a mute or lie, and there is the problem. I will be living a lie again. Yes a new lie but still a lie. I spent the last couple of years of my life overcoming the lie that I lived for 40 years pretending to be a male which I was not; and just as I am beginning to like me for me and living as my true self, I have to start lying again? I do not think so.
And also think about those new friends you have made and they have thought of you only as your new gender, and one day they find out the truth. Not only are they going to feel like you have deceived them and be honest you have; but also, they are likely leave you. Do you really want that?
Passing. It gives you freedom but also as with all freedom comes responsibility. That responsibility is to be true to yourself and others. I am not saying to tell the world who you are but understand that a lie will come back to haunt you. I have lived a lie for most of my life. I will not do it again.
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