Poor Henry

Well, to be more specific Christmas shopping. This was going to be a red-letter day for me. I was going to hit the mall for the early bird door buster specials. I was prepared. I was armed with all the sales circulars from the previous day's paper. I had my list. I knew exactly what I wanted and where to find it. I was organized and I just knew I would be in and out in no time. That was my plan. Wellllllll, let's just say that "was" the plan. Maybe I should have paid more attention to my horoscope that told me to stay at home and "avoid social activities."

Now here I was at a quarter to 6 in the morning looking for a parking space at the mall. Yes I was looking because it seems that most of the city's other residents had a similar idea, and they being more experienced got there before me. So I finally got a parking place and as I was walking toward the first department store on my list I was going over what I would get there. I had a lot of time to do this because I had to park so far away. When I got there you would have thought it was a crowd waiting for tickets to about to go on sale for WWF wrestling. The temperature was in the mid 20's and I am cold standing there waiting in the dark for my so-called bargains. This is not what I had expected. Well the time to open came and went and the crowd was becoming unruly. I think half the women were experiencing PMS because of the language and threats being aired about the store, the managers, the employees, men in general and each other. I had the pleasure of standing next to a couple that were discussing a gift purchase for a man named Henry who was obviously a good friend of the husband. It was very evident that the longer we waited, the lower Henry became on the wife's list of friends. And Henry was a fascinating fellow from the exploits that the wife kept telling her husband about no matter how long ago they occurred.

Finally the doors opened and the wave of women funneled through the small opening (I now know why it is called a door buster sale). I could do nothing. I was trapped. I was being carried along by the current and dared not stop or I would have been trample into a greasy spot on the already dirty carpet. Once inside, I gathered my breathe, composure and bearings, I set out to find the items on my list. I was very interested in mock neck sweater with a back zipper for mom. She loves them. Well by the time I found them (note: sales items are hid around the store so that you have to go to all departments and find them) the selection was limited to ones that were the wrong size and color. So on to item number two. I was lucky and found it with very little trouble because the throng of women surrounding the table was four deep. By the time I got to the table, vultures would have gone hungry looking for any scrapes left on those bones. So far not so good, I am 0 for 2.

The next item on my list was a necklace and bracelet set for my best friend. What luck!! Hardly anyone was at the jewelry counter. A quick look and oh joy there it was. I was about to get an item. So I waited for a clerk to help me. And I wait. And I wait. And I wait some more. It became obvious that only one clerk was working the counter and she was helping the couple who was having a difficult time of making up their mind on if the gift was too good for Henry. Well after what seemed to be twenty minutes the clerk did get to me and was done in less than a minute. She went back to the couple who was arguing loudly now over getting this poor guy a gift at all. I felt sorry for Henry because the wife announced in a loud voice that his parents were never married.

So far I had been there over an hour, and only gotten one item on my list and I was already worn out when a lady past me carrying eight large bags of items with a friend and chatting happily about the bargains that they had found. Where? I shouted to myself as I went in search of the last item on my list, pair of shoes for me. When I got to the shoe department, I stood in awe and amazement as over a hundred women were scrunched in there trying on every shoe in sight. There were three women who were actually trying on shoes and then taking them off and handing it them each other to try on. Dejected I turned around and browsed my way back toward the front door to go home. I knew that I have met a class of women that I could not compete with. They had skills, knowledge, and stamina that I had yet to acquire. I was an amateur to these professionals.

So as I walked slowly the long way to the car with hurt feet and hurt feelings, I knew that I had a lot to do to prepare for the next time if there will be one, but of course there will be a next time. I am a woman and it is my God given right to shop. I mean I did get Christine her present so it was not a total lose. I perked up some as I reached my car and the sun was just starting to rise and light up the side of the mall. And as I drove to get some breakfast I wondered if poor Henry would ever get a gift from his friends.

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