To Tan or Not To Tan, That is the Question

With the warm rays of sunshine beating down, I want to get naked and lay out on a rock and soak up the sun like lizard. Which brings me to my dilemma. I do not tan; I stroke. I have fair skin and the sun is not kind to me with prolonged exposure, but I also know that a healthy tan looks so good on girls. I normally spend most of the summer fully covered with pants and long sleeves because there is something even worse than sun stroke and that is the dreaded “farmer’s tan.” I have seen some lovely girls in the past that sported the wrong tan lines, and it is such a giveaway that they should have been wearing a flashing neon sign saying “TG and Eat at Joe’s.” So how do I get a beautiful total coverage tan or one that has the correct tanning lines without damaging my skin? Having had a career of working outside, I know the importance of a good sun block to help minimize the risk associated with long term sun exposure. I used to use the highest SPF I could find by the gallon and I think I actually turned whiter than before you put it on.

Alternatives to the sun bathing are tanning booths and chemicals. Tanning booths also have the risk of skin damage from ultraviolet radiation but usually not to the same degree as outdoor tanning because you can better control your exposure. There are also hygiene considerations that you need to explore with the tanning salon operator before you put your bare skin where others have gone before you. The nice thing about the tanning booth is that it “shines” regardless of weather, time of day, and year round.

Another alternative is the “sunless tanning product” that claim to give you a beautiful tan instantly in the safety of your own home. Well to say that these products are a bit messy is a gross understatement. First of all you need to be a Michelangelo to get the product on smoothly. I have been the victim of streaks that you would have thought had been given to me by Captain Bligh. And then there are those hard to reach places on your back. There is nothing worse than to have this big old white spot in the middle of your back when your dress is backless. I am afraid that some redneck hunter will think that it is open season on me. I have found that to do a really good job, you need a friend to help put it on your while you stand there. And for heaven’s sake do not touch anything because it will stain and ruin clothing, fabrics, and towels because this is a dye and you are dying you skin. Of course just as you are in the middle of applying the product, the phone or front door will ring. Let it ring!!

And finally a warning to all you girls out there on some form of estrogen. It seems that one of the many side effects from estrogen therapy is hyperpigmentation. Estrogens cause an overproduction of melanin which reacts to sun light (I do not know if it applies equally to the UV from tanning beds) and areas of skin will turn darker, freckle or become blotchy in relationship to other areas and will remain that way. I have a dear friend who suffers from it on the sides of her neck and face and I have seen the early signs of it also on myself.

All in all nothing does as good a job as the sun and even nicer is that it is FREE. However, there are risks. Is it nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrow of outrageous white skin? So for me I think I will just be blinding everyone with my pink and white body. I understand that albino is “in” this year. I can always wear suntan colored hose which looks wonderful with my parka. Has anyone seen my mittens?

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