These Shoes are Killers

I learned that I have been shopping incorrectly for all these years. I mistakenly thought that you found the outfit and then found the shoes. But, NOOOOOOOOO, I was told that the secret is to get the shoes first and then find the outfit. I have been doing it backwards all this time. Now my friend does admit that she had had these shoes for a while before she found just the right dress, okay several years but that just means that she has been planning ahead. And judging for her collection of shoes which fill an entire room from floor to ceiling you have to say that she has been doing a lot of planning. And unlike Imelda Marcos who could never have remembered how many pairs of black three inch pumps she had, my friend can describe for you in detail every pair and tell you exactly where in that room it is located. Not only that, she knows the styles and the manufacturer of her shoes and she can often tell you the style and manufacturer of shoes that other people are wearing. Let’s face it; when it comes to shoes I can only light a candle to this girl’s knowledge.

And she does not limit herself to the plain everyday shoes that I wear. Her shoes are high and stylist. For her, check shoes might be considered tame, and she loves heels in the four to six inch height category too. She tells me that if you are going to be making a fashion statement height only adds to the glamour. Personally, the maximum height that I can walk in is four inches. I did get a pair of five inch heels once in the grab bag offering from a catalog from a famous Hollywood store that we all know about (right Fred?). I still remember vividly the day that my package arrived. I had been dreaming of these beauties because five inch stilettos are the ultimate in feminine footwear. So as I tore into the package, I just knew that here at last was the secret ingredient to my feminization process. I was going to look so lovely and sexy and sensual and pass total. And then as I looked down at my brand new shiny patent leather orange pumps I began to have second thoughts. ORANGE PUMPS??? Who ever heard of orange pumps? I do not even have anything in my wardrobe that color except a hazard vest for directing traffic.

Oh well not so that it was a total lose, at least I could wear them around the house and get used to the extra height. Wrong again. The height pushed me so far forward that I had to walk in a crouch to prevent me from falling forward. And try as I could, I could not straighten out my legs at all. I tried in vain to walk around in them but I was in a constant battle trying to maintain my balance, and then there was the pain. Ouch!!! With all my weight only on the front portion of the balls of my feet, my toes were trust into those pointy toes. I was in agony. Still I tried to overcome the problems, remembering that age old adage about suffering for one’s beauty, but I do think that person never tried to walk in these killers.

So with time and age and wisdom (not necessarily in that order), I have come to appreciate a comfortable pair of flats. Now I still enjoy heels and the new wider styles can be very attractive; however, I did see a couple of girls that had on a pair of shoes that I swear Boris Karloff wore as the monster and he looked better in his than those girls did in theirs. I still think stilettos are the sexy shoes out there and I wear mine when I can. To keep in practice I wear them out in the yard. Not only does this help me with my balance but it also helps aerate the lawn. I still have my killers because for some reason I just can not bring myself to get rid of them. And just yesterday I found the perfect outfit to go with them. You see my friend was right about getting the shoes first. Those orange pumps match perfectly my pumpkin outfit for Halloween.

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