I have just ended a very wonderful three week period where I got out dressed 10 days and 2 days were spent in an androgynous mode where all my things were girl's clothes and four of the days were spent shopping but in drab. Some interesting things happened during this period that I need to remark on because they have some bearing of how I am going to make my journey in the future.I started my travel on Saturday with a visit to Asheville for my group therapy session and a visit with Tiffany and Amy. Those are always special times when I can get out with people I love care about in friendly surroundings. On Sunday, I traveled to Atlanta for business which would keep me there for a week. I got in early and stopped by the Perimeter Mall hoping to find some bargains like the last time but alas the pickings were slim and I left with my money still in hand (a rare event in itself). So later that day I got dressed and planned to get groceries and maybe some other stops. I returned to the Publix's store in Ashleybrook Mall where I had made my first solo a couple of months before and this time I got read. I do not know how or why or how many but I did get read. No one hassled me but I could tell that several people where checking my out and not casually. I did make my purchases and even picked up two Mother's Day cards. This year Mom got two cards, one from her son and one from her daughter. The one from Beverly was a thank you for the love and support that she had given me these last four months. I check out with no incident and had to pass by the uniformed officer at the door who took me in with a careful eye.
I then decided to get a sandwich because of the tornado warning in the area. I returned to the Subway shop and the clerk behind the counter had a difficult time keeping his composure, so read number two. I paid for my sandwich and returned to the motel. I was upset from the reads. I mean how can I hope to transition and live as a woman with the constant fear of being read. I know that people say passing is not important. Well to me it is very important and it is a goal of mine to pass without question.
The next day BeverlyAnn came by and took me to dinner again (she was in drab) to the same Thai restaurant that we visited before. I did not see anyone paying any attention to me; however, BeverlyAnn said that one woman who was out of my view was staring very hard at me and BeverlyAnn just stared back at her and embarrassed the woman *giggle* so I take that as a read also. The evening was pleasant and it is so very nice to have a man to go out with. I just feel very different when one is there and somehow very natural.
The next day was shopping at Lennox Mall. I found two great outfits at Rich's and one was a dark blue long sleeve party dress with an asymmetrical neck line that was so cute and at $16.00 I jumped on it. I then walked into a one day sale a Macy's and stayed until closing. I bought several tops, sweaters, skirts and some jewelry. I just love a 65% off rack and when there is an extra 50% off those prices then I am in shopper's heaven.
Wednesday I went out shopping this time dressed to a local Target store. I got read there too by three guy who were laughing very hard and pointing me out to the others. I was obviously a good source of entertainment for them that rainy evening. I bought a pair of shorts and wanted to find a longline bra but had no luck there. Again I found it difficult to reconcile myself to being read. Why? What was wrong? I wish I knew.
Thursday was spent returning some items that I had purchased because the size and the fit were very different and I do not need things that I can not wear.
On Friday, I returned home but I stopped on the way and bought a pair of pumps and some shorts at Hamrick's.
Saturday, was a visit to TGA which is a support group in Greensboro. I just had to wear that cute little party dress that I got in Atlanta, because I had planned to go to a club after the meeting. Several of us went to a boutique where a very friendly GG works. She gave me several complements on my dress, so I had to buy something from her (like I needed an excuse). The club was crowded, loud and fun. I love getting out and being me.
Sunday saw my hometown debut. I should comment that Mom was not home this week so there were no opposition to my leaving the house dressed. There is a club in town that has drag shows on Fridays and Sundays and is friendly to everyone. I have visited it a few weeks earlier in drab. The club is clean, open, and has a lot of places to sit and talk, a multi-level dance floor and three bars. Tonight the club was pretty empty (maybe it being Mother's Day) but the entertainment was good and some interesting people showed up in the audience which made that interesting too *LOL*. No one paid much attention to me which was okay. This being my first time out dressed in town alone, I did want to attract too much attention (maybe the next time).
Monday and Tuesday were spent catching things up at work. On Wednesday Tiffany came to town on business and we later went out to dinner and then to the club dressed. We had a good time watching the people dancing in the Retro Bar area. The bartender was really sweet and friendly and mixed us wine coolers from scratch since he did not have any pre-mixed. The next day we went to visit a gg that we had met on line a few months earlier and came into a chat seeking information on CD'er since her boyfriend was one. Well over the months we got to be really good friends on line and this was an opportunity to meet a very sweet GG who I wish everyone could have a girlfriend as wonderful as her.
Friday saw me traveling back to Asheville to meet with Nora, Amy and Tiffany. Nora is a very sweet TS from Kentucky who I met at Southern Comfort last year. She had to be one of the two treasures I found at SCC (the other way of course BeverlyAnn). Well we did dinner and returned to my motel room where our girltalk lasted until 5:30 am. A few hours later I was up and out to get some massage therapy and later that day my group session. After group, I met up with Tiffany and Nora for a pot luck covered dish dinner at the Phoenix meeting and then a good meeting followed. Afterwards we and two girls from Rainbow Renaissance, ended up at a bar for a drag show and then some more girl talk. There was this one guy at the bar who has been trying to pick up Tiffany for the last couple of months. Well tonight she was dressed as I called it "bait". She was in this really cute floral two piece outfit that really shows off her legs, so how can a man resist that temptation. I think he got desperate and offered to buy me a drink but I declined (I do not want to mooch in on Tiffany's territory *LOL*). We ended up back at my motel room for some girltalk and pictures and did not leave until 6:30 am (yawn). I did try on Nora's corset and I do not remember when I had a 28" waist be I did and I liked the look. I also tried on a green dress that Nora's wife had made and I looked great in it. If I could lace a backlace corset, I would get one today.
Sunday, I paid a visit to my therapist and got some feed back from her on me. I had to agree with her observations. The one that disturbed me a little was the one that I am a sad individual. If she had said that last year at this time I would have whole heartedly agreed with her. But I have been the happiest I have ever been these last 11 months. I have friends where I only had acquaintances before. There are people who love me and accept me unconditionally for who I really am. I accept myself!!! So maybe I am still sad but I have corrected a lot of it.
This past Monday, I hope that I have found a reliable source of hormones so that was a major step. And on Wednesday, I started electrolysis (ouch!!!). Rhonda is a very friendly person and she told me that she has all "kinds" of clients. I think she was telling me in an offhand way that she is cool with TG's. She said that she is a professional and she does not judge why people come to her. She is there to perform a service. She might be the first non-community person (other than Mom) that I come out to. Friday I went to the doc-in-a-box for a prescription for Emla. It is a topical ointment that numbs the skin and should make the upper lip area more tolerant to the electrolysis. The doctor was very understanding about the pain and time it will take. She has even used the Emla cream also when she had her upper lip waxed.
Today Mom and I went shopping shop. We each ended up getting some things. I got four tops, two of which might pass for guy things and I plan to use them in my A (androgynous) mode.
So I have been read, I have gone out in my hometown, started electrolysis and hopefully found a reliable source for hormones. What does it all mean? Just three steps forward and one step back or maybe a sidestep.
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