Walk Like a Man...CRASH!!!
Okay, here is another of one of those little things that can really trip you up. Literally. It is walking. Now, I am not talking about that strut that you get in stilettos so high that you suffer from altitude sickness. Nor am I referring to where your rear end looks like it is trying to swat flies as you signal to every red blooded testosterone pumped male that you available as your butt cheeks do the mambo when you casually cross the room. No, I am not referring to "that" walk; but to just normal everyday walking. You see there is a fundamental rule in life that I and several others forget about and that is that females defer to males. Many of you are probably saying right now, "Hey Bev get with the times. This is not the 60's but the 00's" (pronounced the Oh Oh's) Why give in to males just because of their gender? I mean that we have girls out there who are just as strong feminist as anyone in the NOW movement. Women are equal to men so the law says and we have the right to earn 24% less than men do.Sorry I am digressing. Back to the simple act of walking. Do you remember back to your male days when you went to the mall or some crowded location? You stood there for a moment and mapped out in your mind the most direct route to the location that you were going, and you headed off in that direction walking with a purpose and never varying from your planned route. Well men have not changed but we have, or have we. We have not given up all of those male traits and walking is one of them. Ever see a sister in the mall striding out like they just announced a blue light special at Victoria Secrets? Sorry but that is a give away. I once read a girl in an Atlanta mall because of that one trait. She looked great and I would never have looked twice but she was walking too fast, too straight and too determined to fit the look. Women saunter, they wander, they stroll, they ramble; but they do not walk in a straight line. Women do not walk at a constant rate; they pause, speed up and slow down and all very unconsciously. Now we get back that fundamental rule again. And because of their non-stringent walking patterns women naturally yield to the steam roller males rumbling by.
There is another basic principle that I have come to learn the hard way and that is two objects can not occupy the same space at the same time. So as I was walking the other day at a crowded convention center, I needed to get to the far side and I set off in that old mind set. Just then a man was doing the same thing from another direction. We each had only one thing on our mind, to cross the distance as efficiently as possible. Our destinations were set and there was no deviation from course. From that very moment our fates were sealed. There was no way that the pending accident would not happen. We might as well have been the Titanic and the iceberg. The man knew that I would yield. And I never saw him coming. CRASH!!! Fortunately, I did not lose my footing and go down like the great ship, but it was un-nerving enough to upset me for a few minutes. I know that he did not do it on purpose. He probably would rush to a door just to hold it open for me so I could go first but he would not yield in walking. He was playing by the rules, that fundamental rule which I had not learned yet, but it is a good way to meet guys.
So my friends the only time you can walk like a man is when you have on your athletic shoes, a jogging outfit, and doing a 15-minute mile. But remember to yield at all intersections.
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