The Weakest Link
What village is missing its idiot? Who got into the gene pool while the lifeguard was off duty? Who is a few french fries short of a Happy Meal? Is there any beginning to your knowledge? These little quips were not said by Anne Robinson the MC on NBC’s show The Weak Link but by my manager in one of her departmental meeting with us last month. I admit that I respect a woman with an attitude. How much of this was for show, how much was for shock, and how much was actually meant; only she will know. But what it did for me was to spotlight one of those basics that separate the boys from the girls.I have been taking voice lessons this year at a nearby university. Besides working on things like pitch and intonation, we have spent a lot of time on how women communicate. We spent most of our sessions in conversations that were designed to help me communicate the same way women communicate. Women communicate not only verbally but also physically. Now the basic fundamental difference in communication between males and females is that women communicate in a manner that promotes inclusiveness between the speaker and listener while males on the other hand communicate in a manner that establishes dominance. Children at very young ages learn this. Girls will make decisions based on a consensus while boys will do it by dictation. Girls communicate to form friendships of equals and boy will communicate to establish a pecking order.
As boys grow into men the name of their game is dominance, and men will do things to try to maintain that dominance and will avoid things that show weakness. So as I was sitting there in the meeting wondering whose mind had a vacancy sign as my manager was explaining a new procedure; the only people asking questions were the women. For men, asking questions is a sign that they do not understand and therefore it makes them weaker than those that do not. So with stubborn pride the men sat there and maintained not only their illusion of knowledge but also their ignorance. For women, asking questions is a way to form that consensus and understanding with the other person. Even if they understand something, they will often ask questions anyway as a means to show the other that they understand. I also asked my questions because I wanted to understand, because I did not fear of being seen as weak, because I wanted to be one of the girls, and because I knew that after the meeting the men would be coming to me to explain to them how to do it. Unfortunately, unlike the television show, I can not vote off those that constantly set low objective and consistently fail to meet them. Thus men who refuse to acknowledge that they do not understand are the weakest link. Good bye.
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