As long as I can remember, I have always been a sensual being. My delight has been found in the
primitive forces of nature: the crash of surf at the seashore, the thunder of a waterfall,
the explosive fury of a summer thunderstorm, the shrill whistle of an autumn wind. I have been
lured to walk in the woods during a full moon, leaving my clothes behind to walk naked in the woods,
bathed in an astral light.
I have always felt more comfortable in the presence and company of women. At family gatherings, I always
gravitated to the women's corner. I loved the sharing of true feelings and easy intimacy women
share. As I grew older, I made friends with women easier than with men. Most members of my own
sex expressed an uneasiness in my presence, which as I grew older I realized was a reaction to
my overt sexuality.
I was always taller than my classmates, and as a result was allowed to start school a full year
ahead. While I excelled at my studys, I tended not to spend time playing sports with my own gender.
This was due as much to be lack of ability as anything-I simply did not have the ability
to be any good at the playground games. I much preferred music over sports-both of my parents
had played professionally, and I began piano lessons at age 6, switching to the guitar at 11.
It was not until the 9th grade that I discovered my running ability. On a half day, when our freshman
class was forced to combine with an upperclassmens' group, the teacher, who was basically lazy,
decided to send us out on a two mile run. To everyone's surprise, especially my own, I finished
far ahead of everyone, including members of the schools' cross-country team. I was quickly
recruited for the team, and so began a lifetime love affair with running. It brought me a college
scholarship, a lifetime activity, and a slim, girlish figure. I competed on the road running circuit
in my home state for several years, and while no longer active, still manage to run twice daily
for five days each week.
I have always been attracted equally to men and women. Early in my life, while I was married to
my first wife, I made love to a man for the first time as a weekend guest at my college roomate's
house, while the rest of the house was asleep. Rather than being confused, I felt as if another
piece of the puzzle suddenly fell into place. Yet, there seemed to be something else missing.
I discovered what that was one night when I impulsively tried on my then wifes' cutoff shorts. The
feeling was simply indescribable, especially when I added her halter and slipped into her platform
shoes. I then realized what I was- neither a man, nor a woman, but both. (Fortunate for me that my then
wife was nearly as tall as I am!)
Despite the revelation, I surpressed these feelings, and in doing so doomed myself to a cycle
for the next several years, of living a life "in the closet", drifting in and out of failed relationships
with women while I indulged my private relationships in the bi/gay community, gravitating
towards the transgender groups. I went through the purges that are common to all of us, unfortunately
losing some terrific outfits in the process!
This pattern changed when I met the woman I last married. She had the same spirit of
sensuality, and love of the physical that I have. Both of us were cautious with each other
at first, having had past relationships destroyed by our passions. One night I impulsively
blurted out everything at dinner in a restaraunt - my bisexuality, my transgenderism, all of
my experiences over the years. (To this day, I don't know where or why that came from.) To my
surprise, my wife told me that she, too, was bisexual, and had a male personality identical in
depth to my feminine one. We discovered that we were, in essence, perfect compliments to each
other. Although the relationship did not last, it did give birth to the person I am today - by
being honest first with myself, and only after that could I do so with others.
Since this coming out, I was finally free to pursue a voyage of self discovery that had
been surpressed for far too long. The one piece of advice I would pass on to anyone is just this-
"To thine own self be true".
LIFE IN THE CLOSET IS NOT A LIFE - IT'S A JAIL SENTENCE!
I began to refine my technique with makeup, constantly practicing, as well as picking out clothes.
I tend to gravitate towards the sensual, form-fitting,
outfits that accentuate my tall, naturally slender figure. I do take herbal hormones, but have
no plans to graduate towards prescription drugs or SRS. But I would defend anyone else's
choice in this matter. It hasn't been easy, far from it. But once out, you don't want to go back.
I know that I will never go back to the way it was - it really is too painful an existance.
What make's life unique, and insure's our survival as a country, and as
a species, can be summed up in one word -
DIVERSITY!
MY PHYSICAL STATS
Height - 6'3" (With my 5" platforms, up to height of average NBA power forward...)
Weight - 168 lbs.
Hair - Auburn (Just call me SCARLET...)
Eyes - Green
Dress - Size 11/12
Figure - 38-28-30
Shoe - Women's 14(Automatic mail order)
Perfume - Anais Anais
Running - I do 50-60 miles a week now - down from the all time 100-110 I did just out of college.
My most recent competitive season as 1992, when I did a 15:47 5k and a 32:01 10K for that years' PR.
Not up to my college snuff, but time is the great equalizer. I always felt I should have been competing in
the women's division...
Swimming - I swim 15K weekly. Yes, sometimes as Scarlet...
Cycling - 220 miles weekly. Once again, people in town notice a REALLY fast, skinny,
red haired chick who beats most of the guys - boy, though - she IS a tall drink of water..(hee-hee!)
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