I stopped and looked around me,
To see who it could be,
Had set off the alarm,
It surely wasn't me.

Imagine my discomfort,
Imagine my chagrin,
To see the little lady,
Swiftly moving in.

And now my dreaded nightmare,
Was coming true at last,
The incident I dreaded,
Was looming hard and fast.

The lady was quite nice though,
"Don't worry sir she said,
Sometimes it malfunctions,
There's nothing here to dread."

"Something must be causing it,
I'll have a look in here."
She pulled out both my girdles,
I blushed from ear to ear.

"This won't take a moment."
As the other bag she took,
The lady from the check out,
Came over for a look.

"I took off all the labels."
She said in high disdain,
While the lady from security,
Kept searching on in vain.

I stood there like an idiot,
My face as red as beet,
Embarrassed to the core now,
Their eyes I could not meet.

"Aha! I think I've found it."
Her voice was harsh and loud,
"It's right here in your makeup."
Her face was looking proud.

"It wasn't in your girdles,
No worry, sir," she said,
I think this was the moment,
I wished that I was dead.

I gathered up my parcels,
And shot right out the door,
As for shopping there at Wal-Mart,
I won't go there no more.


Janey Lang
1st. Nov. 1997.