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Over the last two days, my life has been very musical.
That is to say, the music on the radio and the music at the store has been hitting home a little too much, sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a bad way. So I thought I'd lead you all on a musical tour of two days in the life of me. :-) Originally, when I first start writing this entry, I was explaining what was going on while listening to these songs, but I don't like the way it's coming out. So you're on your own until my disclaimer at the end...
Why do they think up stories that link my name with yours?
Why do the neighbors chatter all day, behind their doors?
I know a way to prove what they say is quite untrue.
Here is the gist, a practical list of "don'ts" for you.
Don't throw bouquets at me
Don't please my folks too much
Don't laugh at my jokes too much
People will say we're in love!
Don't sigh and gaze at me
Your sighs are so like mine
Your eyes mustn't glow like mine
People will say we're in love!
Don't start collecting things
Give me my rose and my glove.
Sweetheart they're suspecting things
People will say we're in love.
Don't praise my charm too much
Don't look so vain with me
Don't stand in the rain with me
People will say we're in love!
Don't take my arm too much
Don't keep your hand in mine
Your hand feels so grand in mine
People will say we're in love!
Don't dance all night with me
Till the stars fade from above.
They'll see it's alright with me
People will say we're in love.
Lately I've been runnin'
Into our old friends
And somewhere in the small talk
Someone always asks where you've been
So I tell them what you told me
And they can't believe we're through
They ask me what I'm doin' now
And in case you're wonderin' too
I breathe in I breathe out
Put one foot in front of the other
Take one day at a time
'Til you find
I'm that someone you can't live without
Until then
I breathe in and breathe out
And I'm driving and crying
Unraveled and flying
The rope that's wrapped around me
Is cutting through my skin
And the doubts that have surrounded me
Are finding their way in
I keep it close to me
Like a holy man prays
In my desperate hour
It's better that way
So I'll come by and see you again
I'll be such a very good friend
Have mercy on my soul
I will never let you know
Where my mind has been
Angels never came down
There's no one here they want to hang around
But if they knew
If they knew you at all
Then one by one the angels
Angels would fall
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
I know what you're doing, I see it all to clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far
...
'Cause I am barely breathing
And I can't find the air
I don't know who I'm kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don't suppose it's worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
Everyone keeps asking, what's it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can't figure out
...
'Cause I am barely breathing
And I can't find the air
I don't know who I'm kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don't suppose it's worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I'm thinking it over anyway...
I've come to find
I may never know
Your changing mind
Is it friend or foe?
Now time for the disclaimer:
First of all, just in case there was any doubt, no, I don't want you to leave my life and I don't want to leave your life. (Yeah, it probably would be simpler if I could just move far away from all of this and everyone, but I'm not gonna do that.)
Second of all, I'm relatively okay now. No, I won't lie and say I'm doing fantastically or even necessarily a solid "good". But I'm to that emotional place where I've got a nice picket fence up around my heart and my head, protecting me, shielding me. For right now, nothing can hurt me.
What's behind this is not any specific news, but rather a general realization that I have to pull back a notch, back to the land of limbo. So I don't want this to change anything. I'm following your lead, giving you the freedom to do what you need to do.
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