Path of Sadness

You know, I was having a perfectly okay day today and then all of a sudden at 9:30pm or so, it just started to suck. Except suck is too strong of a word. It became one of those days for no reason in particular. I couldn't wait to get in my car and drive home because I just wanted to run away from everyone and cry in my car. And once again, there wasn't anything that put me in that mood. Maybe it was my medication wearing off or maybe I was just getting tired.

the road is long
the memory slides
to the whole of my undoing
put aside
I put away
I push it back to get through each day
and all I feel is black and white
and I'm wound up small and tight
and I don't know who I am

But of course, once you're in a bad mood, it's all too easy to find reasons to stay in a bad mood. So once in my car, I was about to put in my Fuel CD, but thought that would be too depressing (although it's playing on my computer right now), so I put in another CD that was a little more mellow in its sadness. Though it wasn't quite doing it so I let my brain do the trick. I let it wander over everything in my life...mostly over relationship issues, though in all honesty, there's still not enough to fill up a paragraph...possibly because there's nothing new and a lot of it just molds into everything old...and plus, some of it, I don't feel like talking about it here.

unravel me
untie this chord
the very centre of our union
is caving in
I can't endure
I am the archive of our failure

I'm just so tired. And I'm so hungry. But I'm too down to try and sleep (I think when I lie down, it's easier for the tears to spill out so if I sit up, I'm safer). And I'm too tired to go grocery shopping though I have no food here. If I ever just needed a hug and someone to tell me it's all okay, right now would be that moment. Okay, actually I hit that point on Sunday...quite a few times on Sunday actually...(and once again thank you to all of you, especially to one in particular, and you all know who you are.)

you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

And thankfully, Jake just came online (he and I and Webb are the only ones awake at 3:30am apparently) and cheered me up so now I'm feeling fine enough to try to sleep before I get down again...so g'night to everyone...