Selected ramblings
History: bits and pieces from my diary, page 5
The New Year – 2002
January 3rd, 2002
I spent Christmas at home, but left on Boxing Day to spend the rest of the year with J. It's a bit of a dilemma now, in the wintertime; whether to stay at home where it's warm but the atmosphere is decidedly chilly, or at J's cold little flat where the atmosphere is very warm indeed... Usually the latter wins.
So... I'll probably spend the next two weekends at J's, again.
January 16th
Finally some talk, and a few things cleared up (if only a bit).
I and J were about to get to bed on Friday night, Jan. 11th, and as we were getting the sofabed ready, my father walked by and on seeing what we were doing, called out: 'Hey, that's a single bedroom!' A few words were exchanged, and after J and I got our breathing back under control, we decided to go out and see what the prices were at a local hotel.
So... first to a local pub for a cold cider to calm our nerves a bit. Then on to an ATM, and from there to the hotel. Well, the price was outrageous, and besides they were full up for the weekend... so we had to figure out a plan B. We had no other reasonable options but to go back and face my parents – it was already after midnight. We decided that if the homephobes were still going to be idiotic when we got there, we'd head to the city centre, no matter what the time.
When we got back they wanted to talk and we sat down with them for a long overdue conversation. Meanwhile, mom had given dad the letter to read (for the second time). They didn't understand what I meant (in the letter) when I said I didn't trust them and how that was part of the reason we are registering our partnership. We had to explain to them that it was all about our legal rights to each other – what if one of us would have to go to the hospital... or worse? Apparently they'd never thought that far ahead.
We found out mom hadn't talked about anything to my father, even though she had implied that to me. After that, he started to understand why we reacted to his comment about the single bedroom the way we did.
Dad admitted that he doesn't approve of our relationship (that's no news) but that it's not for him say anything, because this is a matter between me and J, two adults. If we want to tell people, then we will – it's not about their lives. On the other hand, mom desperately tries to pretend that she's okay with me being with J but she's far from that, and that's why it's harder to deal with her than with dad.
Mom seems to be under the impression that this is all about her... and that it's her business to either announce our engagement or to hide it – it hasn't occurred to her that we could just let people notice the rings (if and when they do), and that we don't need to make an issue of it.
The next time I want to talk to my parents about this (our relationship), I'll talk to both of them, and I won't trust mom. Not after this.
January 17th
A small addendum to the previous entry: I've met most of J's relatives (first at her birthday, then at her father's 50th birthday party), and they all seem very accepting. And if someone doesn't accept us, they keep quiet about it. So unlike my parents. *sigh*
January 22nd
This is getting intolerable! My boss (well, one of them, actually more of a contactperson) is leaving this office and moving to some other building somewhere else. One boss left ages ago (two maternity leaves in succession), my nice workmates have left, and now it seems I'm stuck here with the not-so-nice bosses and two workmates I'd rather not work with.
There's the Whiner and the Student. The Student isn't here often, but she knows what she's doing and she's good at it. When I need help, though, she isn't here – she's studying. The Whiner talks on the phone all day long and doesn't work much. When she talks to me, she uses such a quiet, whiny voice that I don't hear her... and even if I did, don't realize she's talking to me. She's also got a serious attitude problem; she's searching for another job, and thinks this one isn't worth doing. Hey, I'm searching for another job, but while I'm here I'm concentrating on this one – I don't want to be fired.
At first, the Whiner badmouthed the Student to me, but when I didn't agree with her, she stopped. Now she's very chummy with the Student, and I bet she's badmouthing me when they're alone. But who cares – I know she's an airhead and not worth the trouble. She can tell everyone what a jerk I am, I really couldn't care less.
March 2nd
Things are definitely looking up. On my winter holiday I went looking for work, left my C.V. and other documents at a few temp agencies, and this weekend, J and I went to look at a flat we'd been interested in for a week. Three rooms, kitchen, spacious bathroom and a balcony. It's in excellent condition and the rent isn't bad. We reserved it yesterday (had to pay 70 E for the privilege; now no-one else gets to even see the place).
The flat is free to move into on April 2nd... I'm thrilled, but also very nervous. It'll be a big change.
March 10th
So we got the flat, and on Friday (the 15th) we'll sign the lease. I'm happy as a clam, but still (of course!) nervous.
I told my parents about the flat and about our plans to move, but they said nothing. During this week, I've been dropping hints and little bits about the whole thing, but they hardly answer me. I'm very disappointed in them... and now, more than ever, happy to soon put some distance between them and me.
April 26th, 2002
I'm alive and well and living with my fiancée... and oh man, it's been hectic! But life is good, and although nothing is ready yet and I've had back problems because of the move, I feel great.
"I just love the smell of detergent in the morning... Smells like... freedom."
Yep, so far the new place (which isn't actually new at all) smells more of detergent than food or anything "homey", but we'll get there. And I'm not in a hurry – not any more.
As for J, living with her is easy. And nice. And although we bicker sometimes, I wouldn't trade her for the homephobes ...ever again! Hell, just waking up next to her in the morning is awesome. OK, that sounded way too mushy, but I assure you I won't say it again. I'm a BBB, that was just a slip or something (yeah, that's it – you caught me at a weak moment, not that I ever have any of those... well, maybe once in a blue moon) and I don't say things like that.
June 28th
Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
Visited my parents today, and it happened again: mom didn't complain about my looks, my hair (which is always too short in her opinion) or anything else. It was quite odd. During the entire visit, I expected to hear some sort of a comment – but nothing.
Also, my parents' reaction to receiving the wedding invitation was a bit of a surprise. They were very calm, and only asked who else was invited – none of the "I don't want to know!" stuff that I'd gotten used to.
June 29th, Pride Week
I attended my first Pride parade today! Fun, fun, fun!
People lining the streets took photos, some asked the participants what the parade was all about, and I didn't see a single disapproving face, only interest and curiosity.
July 2nd
Being away from my parents is OK – actually it's great. But I kind of miss my sister.
August 15th
We're married. Wow :-) The date is 02.08.02... and no, we didn't choose it because it would be easy to remember.
I don't remember much of the actual ceremony, or what the registrar's speech was all about. I remember being nervous and giddy at the same time, and wondering whether I should be looking at J or at the registrar. When it was all over, I was enormously relieved... and grinning like a fool.
The party on Saturday was a much more relaxed affair, although I was petrified the previous evening. Should have just relied on the people to make it a fun party... But no, I feared the worst and got myself a headache. Anyway, everything went fine and the guests seemed to enjoy themselves.
For us, the partying went on for the next couple of days. Sparkling wine, good food and lots of ...well, you know. Cuddling.
September 29th
We've bought ourselves a pet about two weeks ago, on September 14th! It's a Russian dwarf hamster Roborovski, female, and we've named her Putsi (derived from "butch").
Putsi is tiny, incredibly cute (I never thought I'd use this word, but I don't really have a choice), very fast and quite active also in the daytime. She'll take a nap anytime she wants to, even in the evening when we thought she'd be at her most active.
November 7th
My, how time flies!
I've worked for nearly four weeks now (not continuously; there was a fortnight's break between the first three weeks and this week). It's nice to have a job and it's even nicer to have a job that's right up my alley... but. There's always a but.
It's the uncertainty I don't like. Not about the length of this assignment (it's a temp job) but about what is expected of me. And what these people really want. It appears to me that most of the time they have no idea... and that's frustrating.
Putsi is doing fine and has gotten herself a lot of fans. Most of our friends (and families) have seen her now, and I think everyone's liked her. Some people have been completely taken by her... and I've heard the words "cute" and "adorable" from people I never thought would say such things!
December 26th, St. Stephen's Day
We spent most of the Christmas together, at home (hey, it was our first), and it was really nice. We have some decorations, little blue lights out on the balcony, a small Christmas tree in the living-room, some traditional Christmas foods... and lots of candles.
Before the holidays, however, we visited my parents for a few days. This time, they let us sleep in the same room and everything... Progress! Mom did get on my nerves a few times, but I suppose it's unavoidable. It was nice to get back home, although at first I thought I'd miss celebrating Christmas with my parents and sister.
Christmas night was just like it's always been for me, though: staying up late (really late!) with a new book and a slab of chocolate, and listening to some appropriate music. J was dead to the world before midnight, but I stayed awake until seven in the morning.
Today: lots of reading, finishing that huge slab of chocolate, and Hamlet on the idiot box, which I missed, because we had to visit J's parents and we didn't have a 240-minute video tape available. Sigh. I'll have to rent it some day.
Continued in part 6
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