Miscellaneous
and fun stuff

Vocabulary

Some funny/interesting words I've learned

Auntie (n.): Middle-aged or aging male homosexual. Used both as a derogatory and an affectionate term.
Chicken hawk (n.): Someone who seeks young partners.
Diddle (v.): To stimulate the genitalia with the fingers.
Fruit fly (n.): Same as fag hag, but sounds less derogatory.
Nine-dollar bill (n.): An "unredeemable" homosexual, who's three times as queer as a three-dollar bill.
Tribade (n.): Female homosexual. To me, this term sounds nicer than "lesbian"... and isn't as obvious.

Some words I've made up or given a new meaning to

Homephobe (n.): Homophobic family member (or roommate). I've got these – they're my parents.
Standard equipment (n.): For me, my Swiss Army Officer's Knife, which I carry on my belt at all times. Mobile phone for some, lipstick for others.
Miss (n.): Effeminate gay man (as in "He's such a Miss!").
Teddy bear: Same as MB; a softie.

Abbreviations I like to use

If you've seen the film "Sleepless in Seattle", you may remember the little girl, Jessica (Jonah's friend), who used a lot of abbreviations when she talked. I use some known abbreviations and I've got a few of my own...

CB: Calculating bitch. This is not a term of endearment!
MB: Mushball. This is.
UB: Unforgettable bonking. ('nuff said!)
BBB: Big bad butch. Someone who looks and behaves like a stereotypical butch (this is more of a joke than a derogatory term).
WBB: Wannabe butch. Someone who looks butch, but doesn't behave like one (again, more joke than a derogatory term).
SSDD: Same shit, different day.
ESAD: An insult that I don't want to have to explain ;-)

Lists!

Mostly humour here. I'll add a list whenever I find something new and funny.

10 Questions Most Commonly Asked of Lesbians and the Answers You'll never Hear

1. What, exactly, do two women do together? (Usually asked by a woman)
A. It takes too long to explain. A lesbian quickie lasts hours. We lie there and discuss politics until we figure it out. But if you like I can show you. How about this evening at six?

2. Which one of you is the man? (Usually asked by a man)
A. We're lesbian, not confused. Look it up!
Alt.A. But that's your role-playing game, not ours!

3. What do your parents think about it?
A. They weren't exactly tickled lavender.

4. Do you face any discrimination because you're 'that way'?
A. None. The lesbian movement is a bodily function that involves the expulsion of our reproductive organs.

5. Why are you a lesbian?
A. Let me show you a picture of my girlfriend...

6. Did anything in your childhood affect your choice?
A. Definitely. There was a cute little redhead in my nursery school that I used to take naps with...

7. Why do you have to tell everyone?
A. I have a P.C. quota to meet.

8. Is one of you 'butch' and the other 'femme'?
A. Yes, but we trade off every time we roll over.

9. Do you plan to have children?
A. We're trying! (Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, know what I mean, know what I mean!)

10. But wouldn't you want your children to be straight?
A. And miss the opportunity to be interrogated by the next generation of psych majors?

Top 10 Things Heterosexuals Need to Know About Gay People:

10. We didn't invent disco music so stop blaming us.
9. We're not sure about Ricky Martin either.
8. We also didn't invent the color black, but we are in complete agreement that you look better in it.
7. We are secretly glad Anne Heche is back on your team. She scares us.
6. Our so-called "radar" does not get us more cable stations or better reception.
5. We think your mini-vans are sooo cute!
4. David Crosby was not Melissa Etheridge's only choice.
3. If he's using two or more hair products at any one time, yes, he is.
2. If she's won Wimbledon sixteen times, she is too.

And, the number one thing that heterosexuals need to know about gay people is...
1. Relax, we don't want you!

More to come – consider yourself warned! ;-)

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Miscellaneousand fun stuff