My Story

I spent the first 24 years of my life trying to come to terms with my sexuality. There were happy times, but overall I was constantly depressed and extremely lonely. I kept pretty much to myself during the school years and later on, because I was terrified that someone would find out about my "secret". I wasn't a total loner though. During the six years that I lived with my mother, we moved frequently. Every time I would make a friend or two, it was time to move again. Eventually I quit trying to make friends. I guess I was too afraid to let anyone get too close. I was pretty much going through the motions of life on automatic pilot, as was evident in my "dating attempts". I tried to be straight, but eventually I gave up. I started avoiding anything to do with sex.

I thought about college after graduation, but I didn't have the money for it, and neither did my parents. In an effort to continue my education, I joined the army. And the next four years of my life, I continued a sexually repressed life. I had a few encounters here and there, but they were extremely few and far between. And after every one of them came the inevitable feelings of guilt would set in. My depression continued throughout military career, and by the end of it I simply wanted to die. My life thus far had been nothing less than a living hell.

After my military career was over, I moved to Texas. Over the next two and a half years, my family finally found out that I was gay. I had eventually admitted it to myself and decided it was time to get on with my life. Telling my father that I was gay was the hardest thing I had ever done. I eventually started learning about gay culture, dating, and such. Emotionally I was still a teenager. I had my heart broken a couple of times, and even broke a few hearts.

The week after Valentine's day '98, I met Richard, my boyfriend. We have been together since. Richard finally convinced me to quit my job at the detention center and go to college in the fall. In the mean time Richard and I returned to Indiana for my family reunion. My family really surprised me. They seemed to treat Richard like one of the family.

I started college in the fall of '98. I am majoring in computer science, with a minor in physics. My first semester has been really rough on me, because of my class load, and the part-time job, but I have no doubt in my mind, this is what I want to do. As with most relationships, Richard and I have had our ups and downs, but we are still together.