I guess I would have to say it all started at the age of 8 when I sneaked off with the girl from the third floor and hid in a dumpster enclosure.  I had a huge crush (as all crushes are at this age) on this girl but instead of passionately kissing her firmly on the lips, I asked her if I could try on her black patent leather shoes.  What was I thinking?  I don't know.  But I have always had a thing for shoes and I suppose that this was the start of it.  Anyway, she handed them to me and proceeded to run away.  I didn't chase after her but instead stayed behind and tried on these wonderful symbols of little-girl fashion.  You know the type.  Black patent leather with a small strap across the top and usually worn with frilly ankle socks.  They felt so good.  But alas, they were girls shoes and I could certainly not wear them around.  So I took them off and returned them.  The relationship with girl never went anywhere (probably due to my somewhat odd request) but to this day I remember her with great fondness. 

After that incident the urges went dormant for 5 years.  The next time these desires surfaced was when I was 13.  Hormones were raging and I was desperately trying to discover every nuance of my physical body.  For some reason I found myself having these incredible urges to try on women's clothes.  At this point I began snatching my mom's clothes at every opportunity and dressing up in them in private, usually in the bathroom while I was taking a REALLY LONG shower.  When I was done I would quickly sneak the items back into their proper places taking great care to put them back EXACTLY like I found them.  Another opportunity presented itself on visits to my grandmother's house.  My grandmother had quite a stash of old clothes she had forgotten about in her attic.  Nice clothes from when she was a young woman.  When we would visit, I would rummage through them and put them on while I slept at night.  I was fortunate to be put  in one of the rooms right under the roof which adjoined the attic.  There were soft negligees, silky stockings (I mean real silk!), and frilly lace underwear.  Oh, how incredible it felt to sleep in these feminine things and feel the soft fabric brushing gently against my skin.  I was never caught but had close calls a few times.  Eventually I made off with my favorite of the items and stashed them in an old box at home. 

Then one day it happened.  I was in my mid teens.  During one of my Mom's more thorough cleanings, she discovered the stash.  They didn't know what to do.  My Dad eventually came to my room to have a serious talk.  He wanted to know if this was a fetish or what.  I told him I didn't know.  He was clearly upset and said he wouldn't do anything about it but I was to dispose of the things immediately.  I was devastated!  Caught!!!  What was wrong with me?  Why did I have these weird urges?  I decided to get rid of everything.  Ah, my first purge.  We all know what they are…That point where we realize that what we are doing is not socially accepted and that we must be twisted or crazy in some way.  Isn't it sad how society has such hangups about gender and sex that children become nearly suicidal, caught between the NORMS and their own intense desires to be something different.  Maybe someday we can just be ourselves no matter what our physical gender is.  Well, the purge and my feelings of utter disgust with myself, stopped the dressing…for a while…  But as we all know, these things NEVER really go away.  How I wished I could be just like every other boy.  But I am not a "normal" boy and now I realize that this really does things for my personality that would not be there if I didn't have a feminine side. 

Once I got to college and I wasn't being spied on, the urges came back, and this time with a vengeance.  I got more bold, buying things from thrift stores and catalogs and moving them around with me when I changed living arrangements.  As the years wore on I dressed more and more and was, fortunately, never caught.  But I still went through more binge/purge cycles.  Every time I would get a new girlfriend I would reexamine my behavior and convince myself that it was unacceptable.  Maybe, I thought, this was just a result of not having a terribly active sex life.  Maybe if I just had more sex I wouldn't have these urges.  WRONG.  I found myself trying on my girlfriend's clothes when the opportunity arose.  It was always so exciting to get dressed in lacy underwear and beautiful dresses and admire myself in the mirror.  But that is as far as I would let it go.  I could not go out and NO ONE could know. 

Then two years ago I discovered the internet.  Oh, what a place!!!  I could bemyself and no one needed to know.  I found incredible amounts of information both scientific and self-help.  There really were other like me in the world.  And amazingly, their stories were all very similar to mine.  Some were more vocal than others and some had decided to go as far as making a physical change to be the woman that they truly were inside.  Oh, how I envied these fellow sufferers.  For they too had experienced the continuous and personal anguish that plagues all of us who have chosen to remain "true" to the societal norms.  The new-found education the internet provided allowed me to realize that I am not a freak and that I too had a place in this world, even with my feminine side. 

With all of this, my feminine side finally took flight!  Tiffany was born!  In fact this is when she got her name.  I chose Tiffany because it was such an elegant and truly feminine name.  Tiffany always reminded me of someone who looked ravishing especially in an evening gown, and oh how I longed to look ravishing.  I love this medium.  Freedom and anonymity all together.  I now have many transgendered friends and have vowed NEVER to purge again.  I am what I am and the world will just have to accept that.  Maybe someday they actually will and all of us can be ourselves without reservation or fear of horrible consequences.  Maybe I can even take Tiffany out on the town someday.  To let her live it up as the truly beautiful woman that she really is.  Someday...

Using computers to do my job as well as play, I would have to say, is what consumes most of my time.  I spend a lot of my free time on the "net" either chatting with my girlfriends or surfing various topics.  I like to chat.  I prefer interfaces which are more real time (i.e. using JAVA, etc.) than those that are web based and require constant updating.  I know several programming languages, including BASIC, Visual BASIC, ForTran, and Pascal.  I am teaching myself HTML and PERL and am taking an internet course in 'C'.  What a God-awful language C is.  No offense to all of the C lovers out there but could anyone have invented a more convoluted language.  Even the most simple processes are so complicated as to make them nearly impossible to accomplish.  I think, for now, I'll stick with the other languages I know for my programming needs. 

My second love is music.  I play several instruments and absolutely love to sing.  If I weren't such a practical person I might even have tried my hand at making some money as a musician.  But alas, that is truly the life of a pauper.  If I ever find myself on the street without anywhere else to turn, maybe I'll give it a shot, but for now I'll stick with the engineering cash cow.  Besides, if I had to rely on music for a living I'm sure it would lose most of its appeal. 

My thrid love is flying.  I love to fly.  As a youngster, I wanted to fly as a profession but this too, proved to be a fruitless pursuit.  Instead, I chose about 8 years ago to get my private pilots license.  Oh what a feeling!  To soar through the air with the utmost ease.  I love it!  But this hobby has been on the back burner for a couple of years now due to time and money issues.  I hope someday soon I can get back to it. 

I am also, fascinated with space.  I am drawn to all sorts of science fiction, particularly that which explores things which are on the leading edge of modern science and philosophy.  I believe that many of the answers to our most intriguing questions lie out there in the far reaches of the galaxy.  Yes, like the X-files slogan says, I believe that we are not alone.  I find it the height of human arrogance to believe that out there among the billions and billions (as Carl Sagan would say) of stars that there are no other life forms whether similar to our own or not.  Yes, I am a Trekkie, but not a die hard one.  The only Trek show I watch faithfully now is Voyager.  The others are either reruns or seem so contrived that I have a hard time palating them. 

A hobby which really spans all of the others as well as every other part of my daily life, is "girl-watching".  I don’t mean this in a perverse sort of way but rather, watching women not only to enjoy their shear grace and beauty, but also to understand everything about what they are.  I observe their faces… the way they are made up… their lips, their cheeks, their noses, and especially their eyes.  I love to look at long lashes and well-madeup eyes.  They say the eyes are the window to the soul and I believe they are truly what communicates for us the most.  The eyes say so much that we could never express even with the most eloquent prose.  I also study their mannerisms and style.  Such truly beautiful creatures, woman are.  Maybe, if gender weren't such in issue in our society, we could all express ourselves with such style and grace.  Maybe someday, transgenderism will be accepted as left-handedness is now.  A little different?  Sure.  But unacceptable?  Never!  Lets have as much diversity as we can muster so that we can each pursue different avenues of knowledge and then come together to share our treasures with all who would call us friends.