My life story is rather similar to those of many of my crossdressing acquaintances and those I read on the web. I had a very dominant mother, who lived much of her early married life through me, and a passive but affable father who was not much of a male role model. Having been in counseling for a number of years, I have a good recall of my childhood, which was not pleasant. As the eldest child, there was little or no psychological space between me and my narcissistic mother, and I was subject to a lot of feminine (and little masculine) influence. When I was between two and four, my paternal grandmother used to braid my hair and put ribbons in it, and our neighbor next door would paint my fingernails. The message was clear--girls were better than boys, and had it much easier in life. They certainly got more affection and attention.

In the early grade school years, I would occasionally cope with my anxiety by wearing my mother's nylons and panties to school. And I loved long hair--it seemed to be the quintessence of femininity. I would play with my mother's curlers and bobbi pins frequently. And I envied the beautiful long hair of the girls on my block. When I developed childhood tuberculosis at eight, I had to rest in the afternoons, and spent much of my "rest period" trying on my mother's things.

My interest in crossdressing abated during puberty and I had a rather "normal" relationship with girls, including a series of girlfriends from grade school through college. The hair fetish, however, remained. When I married in my early twenties, I had access to my first wife's clothes and wig and dressed furtively when she was out--coming with a hair's breadth (no pun intended) of getting discovered on several occasions. We lived in London in the 60s, the epoch of Twiggy and mini-skirts, also of the Beattles, whose hair I envied. How did they get away with it?

I told my second wife in advance of our marriage of my "perversion." Her attitude was basically, "OK. I know. Don't ever do it in my presence. And don't mention it again." I also told my third (current) wife, and she was much more accepting. Earlier in our relationship, she would help me dress and give me advice. And we went out on Halloween as the opposite gender on several occasions.

About five years ago (I am in my fifties), I met another crossdresser for the first time, and mustered up the courage to go out to a friend's house and eventually to several of the Texas "T" parties, which was a great relief and an eye-opener. Here were several hundred males (some with wives in tow) doing what I thought for most of my life was my own unique weirdness. I also began an intensive academic study of crossdressing and gender dysphoria which ultimately resulted in the article on the family backgrounds of CD's which I mention in the section on reasons for crossdressing. I also became involved in a local support group, IFGE, and other CD organizations.

I have gradually come to accept this side of me as something that is not "normal" but at the same time is shared with many other men. I think my quality of life and my appreciation of various minority groups (both of sexual preference and ethnicity) has been greatly enhanced as a result. As with all of us, the journey continues.

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