The Trip
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The Trip

August 23, 2001

Despite the hassles that the U.S. passport agency gave me, I made it to Thailand even though it is a week late.  The trip was long and uneventful. Dr Pichet had made arrangements for my hotel before I arrived and was met at the gate by the hotel concierge. He escorted me through customs and translated for me. Do yourself a favor and learn some phrases before you get here, it will make your life easier. I will see Pichet tomorrow afternoon for routine blood tests and pre admission screening. Dr. Pichet doesn’t require any psychological paperwork, so everything goes smoother, although I must add that it would be advisable to bring something from your shrink just to be safe.

I am staying at the Miracle Grand Hotel, which is close to both the airport and the hospital. The room is great and inexpensive. I am on a 36-hour countdown until surgery. I can hardly wait until Saturday! I have been patient for 30 years, I guess 36 hours won’t kill me.

After the surgery, I will get into my background and what brought my to this decision. Right now I really need some sleep.

August 24, 2001

I went to the hospital this afternoon for the prerequisite blood tests, EKG, and chest x-ray. I also discovered that although Pichet doesn’t necessarily require a recommendation from a psychiatrist, it saves a great deal of paperwork if you have one. The hospital is nice, but a bit on the older side. Staff is friendly and very efficient. I had a young nurse escort me to all of the places in the hospital that I needed to go which was nice. You don’t get this kind of treatment back in the states! Dr. Pichet instructed me to be at the hospital at 8:00 in the morning to prepare for surgery which is an hour sooner that originally planned. That is just fine with me, one less hour to wait!

Dr. Pichet is a nice, friendly sort of fellow who instills confidence in you without being overbearing. He is also blunt and to the point! He uses the same vernacular in his speech that we use in everyday conversation with acquaintances. It was a bit of a shock when he referred to a penis as a “DICK”. I had a long conversation with him regarding the procedure and also asked about pictures. He said that he would have one of the nurses take pictures of the surgery so that I would have them for “posterity”. I am glad that he had a camera, because I left mine at home. That is the only thing that I forgot. I will have to get a disposable when I have time.

I had dinner a little while ago, buffet style. If you have an allergy to shellfish, bring a bottle of Benadryl. They have an interesting variety of foods, not all of them recognizable to the typical western palate. I chose to eat lightly due to the fact that I am having a major surgery in the morning. Lots of shellfish in their diet, which probably explains why I haven’t seen any fat people yet. Also it would be advisable to exchange some of your currency for Baht, which is the national currency, it makes your funds last longer. I will have links to currency exchanges and the U.S. State Department listed on the Resources page. I have 10 hours left, so I am going to take a shower and try to get some sleep.

August 25, 2001

6:00 AM, ShowTime!!!

No telling when I will be able to write today, I will probably sleep for most of the day after the surgery. Now for the shower and the shaving of the privates.

6:30 PM

The deed is done!!! I lost my maleness a few hours ago. After I awakened from the anesthesia, I was shown a bag with something gross looking. Dr. Pichet had put it all in a bag for me! Fortunately, I had just come out of surgery and didn’t recognize what it was immediately. Now that it is gone, I feel like a new woman! Aside from the pain, everything is cool. Sleep time I am feeling a bit nauseated.

I was right, I slept for most of the day and now it is 10:30 PM. Pichet came to see me this afternoon. He said that it took about 3 hours to do the operation. I feel lots of pain, but it is manageable. The major source of the pain seems to be coming from gas.  We take passing gas or urinating for granted until we can’t do it for a while. It almost brings tears to my eyes when I have to do it now. But let’s get away from the body functions for now. It even hurts to cough.

You have heard of guys talking to their privates and giving them names? I could take it to new extremes; my former penis and testicles are in a bag near my luggage! I will have to remember to dispose of them before I go home…I flew all this way, and spent all of this money to get rid of them, and they are handed back to me in a plastic bag! Just a morbid thought from the peanut gallery, must be the painkillers.

I had a nasty case of nausea earlier this evening. Fortunately it went away. I have had surgeries before, but never like this.  No matter what position I get into, it is not comfortable. Pichet says that I will be here for 3 or 4 days, so I have plenty of discomfort to look forward to. I guess I will be dilating soon and that means more pain. Enough complaining for today, tomorrow is a new day with new complaints. By the way, all of the nurses are cuties! And they are all nice too.

August 26, 2001

I just had breakfast, of all the rotten things to put on my plate, hotdogs for breakfast! I will never look at hotdogs the same way again. Breakfast was simple consisting of eggs, ham, hotdogs, toast and juice. I scarfed it down hungrily. No nausea today to interfere with my appetite. Still can’t get comfortable, but that is to be expected considering that it is less than 24 hours after surgery. The IV bottle is gone I am happy to say, it was removed from my hand right before breakfast. I had never realized how much fun a sponge bath could be! I got one of those just before breakfast too. I could really use a cigarette right now, but that isn’t going to happen for a few more days yet.

I think I will take a nap. Maybe it will help pass the time. Still hurts to cough.

August 27, 2001

I got to walk around for a little while today; you have no idea how good that feels after lying on my back for the last few days. I got to see what Bangkok looks like at least a little bit of it at any rate. This is a very pretty country. I will come again sometime and just see the sights. I lost an entire day somewhere. I must have slept right through it. I remember nothing after breakfast yesterday. I woke up this morning and Lo and Behold it is Monday morning.  Hopefully I will get to leave the hospital in a couple of days. The girls are really nice here, but there is no place like home.

Someone was nice enough to bring me a whole bunch of Coca Cola  this morning. Just another one of those things that you take for granted until you don’t have it available.

The day has passed by again. It is now 9:00 in the evening and I feel fatigued. I may stay up for a little while longer, but I haven’t decided yet. The girls come by twice a day to wash me, which is fun. One of the girls asked me if my breasts were silicone! I proudly answered that they are not. Even Dr, Pichet asked me if they were implants. As the lack of scarring on my upper torso will attest to, my breasts are 100% real.

The girls get a kick out of taking care of me. They all have a problem with our language due to lack of use and I am working with some of them to improve their abilities. One more week in this lovely country, and then I will be on my way home. I miss my boyfriend something fierce. I spoke to him briefly this morning and I almost cried. I wish he could be here. This is the kind of undertaking that I would rather have not done alone. Ces’ t la vie! Some things need to be done alone.

I think Dr. Pichet might remove the bandages in the morning if I am lucky. That will be a great relief! I feel like I have the entire Bed and Bath department of J.C. Penney’s between my legs. Not a comfortable thing by a long shot. I looked at the pictures again this evening. What a nasty thing to do to the human body. I am starting to bruise on my abdomen now, I am curious to see when it will go away. Sitting will be unpleasant for quite some time I think. Enough for now, I have a bath coming in the morning. I love this place!

August 28, 2001

A pleasant morning so far, looks like it might rain. I got my bath followed by breakfast. I hope Dr. Pichet makes a decision about removing the dressings, I am not sure how much more food I can store without going to the bathroom. Might be nice if they removed the catheter from my bladder too. I will grab a good book and sit on the throne in the library for a while.

I don’t pull punches when I talk to people, I am very blunt and to the point. This whole experience has been a lesson in patience. It has also been a lesson in pain management. I have read several stories about girls who have gone through the surgery and I don’t recall any of them mentioning the most important part- the pain. There has been lots of pain after my surgery. Pain when I cough, pain when I sneeze (thought someone had pulled my legs off) pain when my bowels move, pain when I move around in my sleep. This is not a painless operation. The first night after surgery I slept because it was the easiest way to deal with the pain. Drugs are fine if that is the way that you choose to deal with the pain, but that is not my way. I feel alive when I feel pain. You can’t be on pain killing drugs all the time.

My vagina is sensate; I can feel the dressings rubbing on my clitoris. Intense and uncomfortable are the words that I use to describe what I am feeling right now. I am also itching like crazy right now. Oh how good it would feel right now to scratch. I would kill to take a shower right now.  Cool, they just brought me another 6 pack of coke. Must have been running low on it. By now all of the nurses have my opinion about Pepsi. They all know that I think it sucks rocks!

Too late for the Dr. I had to make the decision myself. Now he doesn’t have a choice but to change the dressings. I was as clean as I could be, but everything has been rearranged. Guess who just walked in the room! Dr Pichet just came in to see how I am doing. He says that he will remove the dressings tonight at around 8 or so, then tomorrow he will take me to the hotel. The hospital is nice, but I have had enough. I have never been fond of spending too much time in the hospital, and this trip is no exception.

12:00 P.M.

Looks like I may not get to go home tomorrow after all. I just hemorrhaged all over the sheets of my bed. It may have something to do with my urgent bowel movement this morning. I hope it is nothing to worry about.  I hate the idea that I may have done this by accident and might delay my exit from the hospital. This is just one of the things that happen after a major surgery like this. We will see what the doctor says later.

6:00 P.M.

I just got back from my examination. He says that everything is good. The hemorrhage was just minor. He unpacked my wound and cleaned it all up. Aside from the swelling and bruising, it looks pretty good. Feels good not being all packed with gauze and stuff. I even got to pee without a catheter in me. No pain, no mess. Just relief. Dr. Pichet says I can take a shower tomorrow. I look forward to it.

August 29, 2001

8:00 A.M.

The happy twins came by an hour ago and gave me my bath. I think I might miss that. I have had breakfast, the newspaper just got here and in about 3 hours, I get to leave the hospital. Not a bad day all together.

12:30 P.M.

Dr. Pichet just gave the OK to leave the hospital. Now I get to go to the hotel and heal.

1:30 P.M.

Just checked into the hotel for the next few days. Now I get to enjoy a nice shower. The ride from the hospital was probably the most painful that I have ever endured. The taxi driver although nice was able to find every bump and pothole available and if I didn’t know better, I would say that he had a few dug just for the trip home! The hotel staff was ready for my arrival thanks to Dr. Pichet and almost panicked when I got out of the taxi on my own and started walking. They rushed a wheel chair to me and got me to my room post haste.

There is a person behind the scenes that I feel must be mentioned. Her name is Ms. Pimpimol Chongsiriwat. She is the director of nursing for the hospital and makes sure that all of the nurses are doing a good job.  She met me the second day after my surgery and made sure that I was comfortable and had everything that I needed. She was the translator for the nurses and made sure that there were no misunderstandings between the nurses and me. She is a very sweet individual and deserves to be mentioned in this oratory. 

I wish I had gotten the names of all the nurses and assistants before I left, but that is for another time I think. I really need a shower. There is a funk in the room and I believe that it is I.

Ah, much better. A shower feels so good after not being able to wash your hair for several days. I cleaned my new vagina and dressed the wound. Here is a piece of advice for you. Bring plenty of sanitary napkins with you. You won’t have the energy or desire to walk around to get them after your surgery. I just hobble around my room because that is about all I can do at this point. Pain is prevalent and discomfort is extreme. Sitting is painful so lying down is preferable.

I have 4 days to relax and heal. I intend to make the most of them. I have been pondering an idea for financing surgeries like mine for people who might not otherwise be able to afford it. I will get back to this idea later.

10:30 P.M.

I have had my dinner and finished writing about my history, now comes the dilation part. This should be interesting. I am looking forward to a good nights sleep this evening. Dr. Pichet is coming to see me tomorrow to transfer pictures and to check my progress. Hopefully he will also have the necessary document for me to have my birth certificate changed too.

11:30 P.M.

I just finished dilating. It looks like I will have some good depth in a few months. I would estimate about 4 inches right now and hopefully more in a few months. It wasn’t so bad, especially after 800mg of ibuprofen. You just have to take it slow and learn your limits. Don’t go too fast or you will end up in pain. When you bring maxipads, bring the thin ones. The ones that are like king-size mattresses are too thick and uncomfortable. Bring lots of them, you will be changing often.  

Dr. Pichet gave me all the meds and supplies that I need, so there is no extra expense there. He even provided me with the dilation stents that I needed. That was nice of him. I will be using an icepack tomorrow to try to reduce some of the swelling. I only have 4 days before my flight and I know it will be an uncomfortable trip if I am still as swollen as I am now.

I can’t wait until I get home, I miss my boyfriend and I need to start the hormones again. My family doctor is going to get a kick out of this when he sees it. I will be his first post op patient. Like most doctors, I had to educate him about my needs and he has been very good with me. Although he is a local physician, his number is on the resources page along with numbers for psychiatrists and other surgeons. Eventually, I hope to have a list of doctors and mental health specialists for all of the major cities in the U.S. that way everyone can get the help that they need to do this too.

August 30, 2001

10:30 A.M.

I just woke up from the best sleep I have had since Saturday. The key to comfort it seems is to sleep with a thick pillow between your legs. I woke up at 7 and went to the bathroom and promptly went back to sleep for another 3 ½ hours. I feel pretty good. The pain is diminished and it is a bit easier to walk. Maybe tomorrow I will go to the market and get some souvenirs. Right now I think I will go down and get something to eat, then I will shower and perform maintenance on myself.

8:00 P.M.

I just put the finishing touches on my brief dissertation concerning the reasons why I decided to have SRS. I will put that somewhere on my website when I get home. I have given some thought to where I will put them and I think some new pages are in order.

10:00 P.M.

There is a reason why we are told to dilate frequently throughout the day and I just discovered it. You need to dilate, because the body ‘sees’ the neo-vagina as a wound that needs to be closed and the dilation is what keeps the new orifice open. I will ask the doctor how often it is recommended to dilate. I think twice a day at first and more frequently later, but the doctor is the best judge of that.

3 days left, and I can’t wait to get home. Thailand is a beautiful country, but I miss the U.S. and my boyfriend. Home. I can’t wait.

August 31, 2001

8:30 A.M.

I had a rough sleep last night. I think I overdid it in the dilation last night. I am hurting and the swelling has come back. It even hurts to sit down again. I think I will take it easy again today. The ibuprofen helps quite a bit, but this is an unusual kind of pain. Probably akin to childbirth. Not everything is upbeat when it comes to SRS surgery. The major drawback is the pain. Time for breakfast and the ritual cleaning. 

Dr. Pichet is supposed to come by this afternoon I hope he has some good news for me. Breakfast was rather plain, pancakes just don’t taste the same here as they do back home.

3:00 P.M.

I just had my examination by Dr. Pichet and he gave me a clean bill of health. He also asked me to have lunch with him. We ate at the Thai restaurant here in the hotel and had a long conversation about our respective cultures.

We talked about many other things including why he raised his price for SRS. He raised it because of all of the negative questions that he has gotten from people interested in having the procedure. He does this because he enjoys it and wants to help people who are in our situation. It seems that there are people who are concerned about the quality of the surgery and base that quality on the price. I can vouch for the quality of the surgery and am quite satisfied with the result

The pictures of the results will be posted on my website and I am sure that you will agree that he does a wonderful job.

We just had a brief power failure here and I lost some of the writing I had done. I hate it when that happens. Enough for now, I will write more later.

11:00 P.M.

The discomfort has subsided and the dilation is getting easier. At this point, dilation twice a day is good. Best to do it slowly and gently because rushing leads to pain. I am still using the #1 stent, but that will change later. The #1 is comfortable for now and doesn’t cause much discomfort.

There is a joke that I have been thinking about lately about the post-op TS who asks her doctor if she will have to learn to pee all over. The doctor replies “No dear, you will naturally pee all over!” The joke has a ring of truth in it. The angle of the swollen urethra causes the urine stream to rebound off the labia minora and spray all over. Get ready for wet thighs! In time that will go away, I hope. Bedtime for me now, I have a headache and I am tired.

September 1, 2001

Labor Day weekend and I am in another country recovering from major surgery. At this time last year, I was starting a new job and wondering if I would ever have my surgery. It has been a long road, but worth every mile traveled. Later on today, I will begin packing for the trip home. I think it will be a new experience in discomfort. 32 hours to get home, on a plane flight full of strangers. This time I will sit away from the bathrooms.

I have a suggestion for all of you who are contemplating SRS in Thailand. Book airline reservations months in advance of your trip with as few stops and layovers as possible. I am looking at an 8-hour layover in Seoul before my flight back to Los Angeles. What I am going to do for 8 hours is beyond me. I suppose I could do some sightseeing, but that will depend on my money situation.

I thought about going out to see the sights today, but I am not sure yet. I probably won’t. I really didn’t come to see the sights although this is a wonderful city.

3:00 P.M.

The power has gone out again. It seems that it is a normal occurrence here. It happens at the same time every day. If this were to have happened when I was on the operating table, I probably would have been in pretty bad shape. I believe that this power outage is limited to this hotel though. There are signs and radio stations outside that don’t seem to be affected. This time I had the battery in my laptop so none of this gets lost like yesterday. The pattern has been that the power goes out for a few minutes, then comes back again. This time, the power has been out for quite a while. Hope it comes on again soon, it is starting to get hot in here.

5: 30 P.M.

I am glad that I decided not to go sightseeing this afternoon; it has been threatening to rain all day long. I decided instead to stay here at the hotel and have dinner. The weather has been gloomy of late and I am expecting rain soon.

11:30 P.M.

I just did my second dilation for the day. It is actually starting to feel good. I think that by next week, I will be up to the #2 stent. I will try it first to see how it feels. I will be going to the hospital to see Dr. Pichet for my final check up before I depart for home. He wants to use special instruments to gauge depth and to see how I am healing.

After a week, I have plenty of sensation in my new vagina and my clitoris is sensate as well. Because scrotal tissue was used in the construction of the vagina, it expands and contracts with various stimuli. I feel it moving just like it did after my vasectomy several years ago. It is rather an interesting sensation that I am looking forward to getting used to. It feels like a continual tingling sensation. Kind of pleasant actually. I am off to bed now; I have an appointment in the morning.

September 2, 2001

11:30 A.M.

I just got back from the hospital where Dr. Pichet removed the stitches from my vagina. He took some more pictures and we had another long conversation. I am extremely impressed with the result of my SRS surgery and if you are going to have yours in Thailand, I strongly suggest that you make arrangements with Dr. Pichet.

Dr. Pichet is a wonderful man who has a terrific bedside manner. He shows compassion and caring that I have never seen in any surgeon in my entire life. He speaks English well and it takes no effort to understand him. I think that I will be coming back to Thailand in the future for him to do my tracheal shave. 

I have no need for breast implants, but if I should change my mind, I will have Dr. Pichet do them for me. He also gave me documents stating that I have had SRS and I will use these to have the gender on my birth certificate changed. All of my other official documents already have my female gender on them including my passport, which caused me so much grief a few weeks ago.

My plane leaves in about 14 hours and I think I will take a nap before I leave. Sitting doesn’t hurt so much anymore as long as I find a good position. I hope it will be easy to do it on that long flight home.

3:45 P.M.

I tried to take a nap, but all I did was toss and turn before giving it up as a lost cause. I will try again later after I talk to my boyfriend. I still feel like I have a million things to do before I leave, but I know that it is just anxiety talking. I will dilate before I leave here and most likely one more time before I leave Seoul tomorrow. I won’t have an opportunity to do it again until Monday afternoon when I get home.

I have given some more thought to adding pages on the website and I think a page devoted to post-surgical care would be most appropriate. I will include a dilation schedule as quoted to me by Dr. Pichet as well as first aid and cleaning of your new vagina. It looks like my website will be undergoing another major facelift when I get home.

It has been a long journey (30 years in the making) but it is finally in the home stretch. I will be home tomorrow and can finally close this chapter of my life on a happy note. I am a woman now, and no matter what people may say to the contrary, I will always be a woman. It is said that the defining factor of gender is what is between your legs, but I say that it is what is in your heart and mind. If you are truly female in your heart and mind, with no doubts, then you are a woman completely. Fixing what is between your legs is just icing on the cake.

I close this journal simply. I had a wonderful time here, and it has been fulfilling. I hope to come here again in the future under different circumstances. Think long and hard before you make the decision to undergo SRS. Once it is done, it is too late to change your mind.

Sylvia Paris

September 3, 2001

1:53 A.M.

I am writing this in flight on my way home. Just an addendum, I had to make an emergency stop at the hospital before I went to the airport. Some of my stitches broke this evening and I had to have the damage repaired immediately. I called Dr. Pichet as soon as I discovered the tear and he met me at the hospital to fix the damage. He was even nice enough to take me to the airport so that I would not be late for my flight.

How is that for bedside manner! I doubt that there are many doctors in this world who would do that for a patient. My deepest thanks go to my friend and surgeon, Dr. Pichet Rodchareon.

Thailand is a beautiful country, but I will be glad to get home.