My Story

I can remember when I was very young that I wasn't at all like the other little boys in my neighborhood.  While they were out doing boy things like playing baseball, riding bikes and things, I was playing with the girls that lived next door.  At the time, it didn't feel unusal at all for me to be playing with the girls.  It felt so natural.  Of course the rest of the boys in the neighborhood thought that my behavior was not that of an ordinary boy.  They would ridicule me and taunt me.  I think even my mother knew that something wasn't quite right with me.   I imagine that she was aware that I was playing with the girls next door, for I remember one halloween that she dressed me up like a little girl.   She even made me go to the neighbors house down the street and pick up the dress and blouse and shoes that she had arranged for me to wear.  Oh, I moaned and groaned like any little boy was supposed to do, but deep down inside I was thrilled at the chance to finally wear a dress.  My brothers never let me live that halloween down.  I was ridiculed some more.     As the years went by, these feelings become stronger and stronger.  I was fascinated by female clothing.  I couldn't understand why, but none the less the urge to try them on got the better of me.    This must have been when I was around 9 or 10.   Since I didn't have any sisters, the only female clothing in the house was that of my mother.   I would go down to the basement where the dirty laundry was and pull out a pair of her underwear and a bra and try them on.  I can't describe the feelings that I felt, but it felt so wonderful, so natural to have them on.  But as we all know, these feelings give way to a strong feeling of guilt and off came the feminine clothing and back on with the boy clothing.  The feelings of guilt would be so strong that I would not dress in her clothes for weeks.  This behavior continued on through my high school years.      In my senior year of high school, I felt so ashamed of my feminine behavior that I tried to do what society would expect of a boy of that age, I tried having a girlfriend.  I won't even bother telling you how that went. Those of you like me know what happened.