"His ignorance is encyclopedic."
- Abba Eban

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde

"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
- Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)

"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
- Carl Sagan

"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance."
- Will Durant

"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it."
- Henry David Thoreau

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
- Albert Einstein

"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."
- Ingrid Bergman

"I worship the quicksand he walks in."
- Art Buchwald

"Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
- Al Capp

"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever."
- Chinese proverb

"You're either part of the solution or part of the problem."
- Eldridge Cleaver

"Always do what you are afraid to do."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Computer : a million morons working at the speed of light."
- David Ferrier

"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
- Robert Frost

"Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

"The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made."
- Jean Giraudoux

"There is nothing permanent except change."
- Heraclitus

"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you."
- Eric

"When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money."
- Kin Hubbard

"Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you."
- Aldous Huxley Hoffer

"Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent."
- Napoleon

"Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life."
- Sophia Loren

"Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do."
- Katharine Hepburn

"A nuclear power plant is infinitely safer than eating, because 300 people choke to death on food every year."
- Dixy Lee Ray

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

"There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy."
- Swift

"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
- Harry S Truman

"People who talk in metaphors ought to shampoo my crotch."
- As Good As It Gets

"Revenge is a dish, best served cold."
- Katherine, Cruel Intentions

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."
- Katherine, Cruel Intentions

"Everybody loves me, and I intend to keep that way."
- Katherine, Cruel Intentions

"I'm sick of sleeping with these insipid Manhattan debutantes. Nothing shocks them anymore."
- Sebastian, Cruel Intentions

"You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough."
- Dr. Evil, Austin Powers

"Religion... is the opium of the masses."
- Karl Marx

"In our world, the blind lead the blind, and the sick go to the sick to be cured."
- Henry Miller

"The road to success is always under construction."
- Jim Miller

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
- Douglas Adams

"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
- Isaac Asimov

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there"
- Arthur Godfrey

"Class is how you treat people who can do nothing for you."
- Geof Greenleaf

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Alexander Graham Bell

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
- A. Whitney Brown

"Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."
- George Burns

"You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
- Al Capone

"Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door."
- Kyle Chandler

"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries."
- Sir Winston Churchill

"Good looks open doors, but they don't keep you in the room."
- Todd Comber

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children."
- Clarence Darrow

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
- Phyllis Diller

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."
- Albert Einstein

"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
- Robert Frost

"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take."
- Wayne Gretzky

"When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, Compared to what?"
- Sydney J. Harris

"When you're away, I'm restless, lonely, wretched, bored, dejected; only here's the rub, my darling dear, I feel the same when you're near."
- Samuel Hoffenstein

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature."
- Helen Keller

"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
- John F. Kennedy

"Some see things that are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were and ask why not."
- Robert F. Kennedy

"If a man hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live."
- Martin L. King, Jr.

"Call it what you will, incentives are what get people to work harder."
- Nikita Khrushchev

"Class has a sense of humor. It knows that a good laugh is the best lubricant for oiling the machinery of human relations. Class never makes excuses. It takes its lumps and learns from past mistakes. Class bespeaks an aristocracy unrelated to ancestors or money. Some extremely wealthy people have no class at all, while others who are struggling to make ends meet are loaded with it. Class is real. You can't fake it. Class never tries to build itself up by tearing others down. Class is already up and need not attempt to look better by making others look worse. Everyone is comfortable with the person who has class because he is comfortable with himself. If you have class, you've got it made. If you don't have class, no matter what else you have, it won't make up for it."
- Ann Landers

"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible."
- Doug Larson

"If you want truly to understand something, try to change it."
- Kurt Lewin

"Don't be afraid of opposition. Remember, a kite rises against; not with; the wind."
- Hamilton Mabie

"Learn to say no to the good so you can say yes to the best."
- John C. Maxwell