Sometimes being the partner of an FtM can be difficult. I believe that those of us who have chosen this path are truly very loving, understanding, enlightened people. It takes a tremendous amount of amount of personal strength and self knowledge to enable us to be supportive of our partners and all the doubts and fears they may experience throughout their transition. It's imperative that we possess the self confidence to be proud of our choices, because unfortunately there will always be, bigoted, narrow minded, homophobic, hateful, idiots, hell bent on making our lives miserable. Often I've been surprised by the source of this kind of hate

One of the most painful results of my marriage was being effectively ostracized from the lesbian community. Women who were once friends, lovers, and family to me were suddenly filled with tasteless remarks and accusations. I have found so little understanding within the lesbian culture that at times I've felt like a traitor and even had moments of self doubt when I've questioned my own sexuality.

Not all the trials and tribulations of life with a transgendered person come from outside forces. The emotional and physical changes our loved ones go through can make for a bumpy ride. One possible casualty may be your sex life. The elation of early transition  caused a marked increase in my sex life. I think my partner felt at peace with himself for the first time in his life, knowing that he had finally began putting right what nature got wrong. Body issues began to diminish as testosterone started to work it's magic, leaving him free to express himself sexually. After all, have you ever met a teenaged boy who wasn't always thinking about sex?

It can be maddening to keep up with our partners ever changing self images. I never know if what was alright and worked last time we had sex is going to be ok the next time. There came a point when J.J. reached a point in his transition he was passing. To all the world this was a man, until the clothes come off. Then he's faced with a body that isn't right, one that he even hates. We live in a rural community where no one knows that J.J. is a transsexual. In a way we are in the closet for the first time in our lives. I think that having to hide his transsexualisum and pretending to be a straight man just amplifies his dissatisfaction with his physical body. Regardless of the cause it's made sexual contact between us dwindle. For me it's important to remember that lack of sexual interest is not lack of interest in me, and that I can't control his feelings about himself.

I don't pretend to know how to solve all the unique challenges of being the S.O. of an FtM, but I've found that as long as J.J. and I keep talking with each other we do pretty well.