It began when I was about 8 years old. My father was a US Marine and we were stationed in North Carolina at Camp LeJeune. I made some close friends and spent alot of time with them. We went to the base pool alot and I noticed myself staring at the older men in the shower. For me, though, I thought that was what everyone did. It was more than just a glance, though. I didn't know any better.
I had my first real sexual experience a few years later at the age of 11. It was with my 13 year old brother. It started as just a game but I ended up liking it. We played around with each other for a few weeks before it became more than just experimentation. I began to like it more and more.
We went on a camping trip with our Boy Scout troop one weekend and things began to unfold which made me more questionable about my sexuality. That weekend my brother and I invited his friend, James, and a friend of mine, to join us. In the tent my friend and I performed sexual acts on my brother and James. I began to realize this was not something everyone did, and liked. Nothing was said after the campout by either my friend or James.
This thing with my brother lasted for a total duration of two years. I knew I was gay. I just didn't want to accept it. My father was a stout marine and had talked badly all the time of his "FAGGOT" cousin. I did not want to deal with this. I was called a pansy by him whenever I became emotional over anything. He'd tell me to act like a "man." Needless to say, the sexual activity with my brother continued until I was 13. By this time we had relocated to Rhode Island and began a new life.
Around the time this happened my brother had discovered girls and stopped all sexual activity with me. He asked me one night "What are you, a faggot?" I told him no and went back to bed.
I tried to lead a straight life. When I was 14 or 15 I met a girl and tried dating her. This didn't work. I still found myself looking at naked men and older boys in the showers. I knew I had to stop this though. I didn't want to be "disowned" by my parents like my father's cousin had been by the entire family.
Growing up in Rhode Island was a very hard thing for me. I was more kept to myself. I didn't make friends well. I was doing the "good" thing a lot, this is one of the reasons I was by myself. I didn't get into much trouble. I tried to fit in, but did not succeed at it. I spent most of my time either at home watching tv or in doing things with the Boy Scouts.
With all of this free time to myself, I continued to excell in the Boy Scouts. I earned the rank of Eagle Scout and Became the Assistant Scout Master of my troop. I even worked at the Summer Camp for a summer. But all of that has gone to pass. I am now officially boycotting the BSA because of their continued persecution/exclusion of boys and men because of their Sexual Orientation and Religious Preference.
The dating thing didn't last too long either. I became attracted to some of the boys in my school. I didn't know what to do, so I secluded myself in my own little world. I didn't have many friends and hated myself for what I was.
High School was no picnic either. I still had few friends. There was no one I could talk to about my homosexuality. I had to get-away. I needed to leave and try to be myself, but didn't know how.
