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We have been in the lifestyle now for two years. We’ve used several different ways to meet people. Internet ads, online chat communities, and clubs. Over the course of two years we have met a great number of people. A number of our experiences have been incredible, others we’ve learned from and a few caused us to walk away wondering just what happened and where we went wrong.
Ads, whether on the Internet or in magazines, can be frustrating. You’re trying to get an impression of someone by asking questions. You’re relying on them to answer accurately and truthfully. At times, we’ve felt like we’re performing a cross-examination. Information is seldom freely offered and is suspect when it is.
When we first starting responding to ads, electronic photos were not popular. As a result, you relied on descriptions to determine if there would be any kind of interest. Hair length and color, weight, physical characteristics and sexual interests to name a few. This was often frustrating and ended in disappointment. Everyone’s idea of average is different, including your own. Photos went a long way to solving this problem but be sure to ask how current the photo is. People change and tend to use their favorite photo, even if it is 10 years old.
The secret to maintaining your sanity on the Internet…meet as soon as you can. The less chatting you do online, the less opportunity for you to conjure images in your mind that will end up being burst. Determine if there is a chance of interest and then ask to meet. This can be accomplished very quickly with a photo. If they are hesitant, they are likely not serious. We typically meet after only a couple of messages, it’s just easier.
You will also find that because you are a swinger, everyone thinks you’re easy and just in it to get fucked. We even had one gentleman offer to pay money to watch or take part in an experience with us. Swingers are not sluts and sluts are not swingers. Making that kind of an assumption is insulting and could end up being dangerous. It would be the same as assuming that because most swingers have hot tubs then most hot tub owners must be swingers. While getting fucked is a nice perk, it is not all there is to the lifestyle.
Also be wary of the “single” guy, there are some very sincere descent single guys out there looking to be involved in swinging. There is nothing wrong with that. However, there are guys playing who are not single. We were once told by a very lifestyle experienced couple that these guys love to fuck your wife but will never let their lily white wife partake as they couldn’t handle being married to a slut. Watch out for these guys at all costs. Look for warning signs like weird hours, nervous about giving you their number, etc.
Whether responding to ads or meeting at clubs; there are going to be people that you upset because you are not interested in swinging with them. This is life, your life, if you don’t feel like swinging with a couple…don’t. To be successful in swinging it will require some give and take. It is seldom that you find a couple that is a 100% match to both of you. Don’t compromise to the point that you can’t stand to look at yourself in the morning. Compromising a little won’t kill you and you may just be surprised. We had one situation where Tabitha, despite her wonderful instincts, was not really interested in playing with a couple. After expressing my interest about the couple, she agreed. To date it’s one of her fondest experiences.
We have even had a couple give us the “How dare you turn us down, we’re incredibly attractive” attitude. All the attractiveness in the world does not make up for attitude and relationship problems. If you play with a couple like this, they will bring their problems into your relationship. It can end up turning what should be a wonderful experience into a “Please get the hell out of my house” situation. Yes these do happen and they often end up being very stressful situations. We’ve been lucky in our adventures. We’ve had only a few such experiences and they occurred early in our swinging experiences. Since then, we’ve learned to watch for telltale signs of a relationship in trouble. Many couples are not so lucky, many have bad first experiences because of this. Be careful, such an experience could potentially end up damaging your own relationship.
Be wary, be fussy, and be honest. If you wouldn’t want them as your friend, why would you want to have sex with them? We’re not saying that everyone you swing with will end up being your friend but at least use the same taste and judgement you use in selecting your friends. If you do, you will be amazed at actually how many good friends you will make in this lifestyle and how you have fond memories of all your experiences.
