Jerry Falwell... What A Fag...

Well known as a party pooper and loud mouth, Falwell recently had to clarify what he really meant when he said the Antichrist would be a Jew. (Personally, in my opinion, the Antichrist will be a Falwell)

Then, Jerry Falwell has to stick his big foot in his big mouth once again when he attacked Disney, South Park, and (gasp!) The Teletubbies in his magazine recently. Now, Disney was no surprise, since the Religious Right has been beating the crap out of the Orlando establishment for years. Remember last year when Pat Robertson claimed Orlando would be destroyed by hurricanes and a meteor? (chuckle) And we can't blame Falwell for bashing South Park. Heck, we've even taken a few swipes at that show for its occasional stray gay bashing remark. But the Teletubby attack was a complete shock.

First of all, I am no Teletubby fan. I spent a few minutes watching the irritating creatures bounce around playing hide and go seek this past summer while vacationing in Myrtle Beach. I decided "no more Teletubbies!" I hate the show. Its almost as boring as watching Jerry Falwell's Old Time Gospel Hour or Pat Robertson's The 700 Club. (I like watching Jack Van Impe though - those Y2K stories are COOL!)

Even though I hate the Teletubbies almost as much as that damn Barney, I don't think they deserve to be treated the way that Falwell treated them. I mean, come on, no one wants to be outed, and I would say thats even true of Tinky Winky. He may be a fictional character, but I think it still hurts his feelings when a preacher makes fun of his skin color and the fact that he likes to carry a magic bag. The singling out of skin color is bad enough. I think it just goes to show that Falwell is indeed a RACIST!. I don't like racists very much. Just because someone is purple, doesn't give you or anyone else the right to call them gay, Mr. Falwell!

And so what if the little Teletubby carries a freaking purse with him! I am sure that Mr. Falwell himself is perfect and has never done anything remotely sinful in his life (except maybe for that... you know... thing in the outhouse...) and personally, I can't see where carrying a purse is a sin at all. Maybe effeminate, but not sinful. Even if Tinky Winky wanted to wear lipstick and nail polish, it still would not make him gay!

And about the silly triangle on his head... for crying out loud, since when does a triangle mean something bad? I mean, if my memory serves me correctly, the triangle is an important religious symbol for the Christian church. It is a symbol of the Trinity - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Perhaps you should stop demonizing the triangle, Mr. Falwell. I don't think God would appreciate it very much. It might lead someone to think the wrong thing about him...

In this case, the triangle is simply a shape on the top of Tinky Winky's head. That's all. There's no secret meaning behind it. Remember, this show is aimed at preschoolers, who don't even know what gay means. Heck, they can't even tell you whether Tinky Winky is male or female. A teletubby is androgenous; they have no gender.

The triangle is meant to teach children what a triangle is. The other teletubbies have shapes on their heads too. Is there some secret meaning behind those shapes too that determine the other teletubbies' sexualities? If you make a big deal with one teletubby, why not go all out and try and figure out the sexual fantasies of the other teletubbies as well. Hmmm. If Tinky Winky is gay... I wonder what it fantasizes about? Considering how very little Falwell knows about homosexuality (I take that back - how do I know whether or not he knows little about it? He may even be gay himself... who knows?) I would expect Falwell to brand the poor thing a child molestor while he's at it. It seems that Falwell can't distinguish between GLAAD and NAMBLA anyway... why didn't he accuse poor Tinky Winky of sexual misconduct on the set while he was at it?

I don't understand why Falwell doesn't go after Barney. That purple dancing dinosaur is a queer if I've ever seen one. No role model for me there. Someone (hint hint Mr. Falwell) needs to blow that damn dinosaur back into prehistory from whence he came. I still get the chills thinking about it.

I certainly do respect Falwell's right to free speech, but I would be interested to see what other kinds of dirt Larry Flynt could dig up on Jerry. Flynt took a little air out of the sails of a few other prominent Republican demagogues. Let's hope he decides to redirect his attention back at his old buddy, Jerry! Larry! Larry! Larry!

One would think that I should be concerned with publishing an editorial about someone so viciously capable at outing people. Well, Mr. Falwell, I want to say that I defend everything I said here in this article, and I also want you to know that I am abstinent, so therefore, I don't have to worry about a sex scandal. But have you been abstinent, Mr. Falwell? Now THAT would be a sex scandal that I think America would truly enjoy hearing about...

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