QUOTES

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"America is not a blanket woven from one thread, once color, one cloth. We must build a quilt together...Blacks and Hispanics, when we fight for civil rights, we are right - but our patch isn't big enough. Gays and lesbians, when you fight against discrimination...you are right - but your patch isn't big enough...But when we bring the patches together, we make a quilt...Then we, the people, always win."
-Jesse Jackson.

"People who have been victimized sometimes unleash their anger and frustration by victimizing others. We must continue to fight for the respect and dignity all individuals deserve.

It is not enough to be content with making progress toward eliminating heterosexism. We must continue to show how all forms of discrimination and prejudice are harmful. We ask for respect for all people."

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 77.

"Nothing is lonelier in the whole world than a gay child. And I think all of us have that...I have a lot of pride, and when people don't take me seriously, I get angry."

-Edmund White, author

We grow up emotionally isolated because our families do not understand homosexuality, and then our access to the lesbian and gay community is limited.

As we grow older we have many more options, and much more access for support and validation. However, others will not take us seriously if we are isolated because our pride cannot develop in isolation.

Take advantage of your options and seek support. Reclaim your pride. Others will take note because our pride does not go unnoticed.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 76.

Queer by the grace of God
-1990s bumper sticker

Do you view your homosexuality as a gift or a hindrance? As children we are usually taught to see it as a hindrance, on occasion as something "Okay" but rarely as a gift. Yet, it is a gift. We may not initially see it as a gift because we took for granted the message that homosexuality was a hindrance.

Healing involves re-examining these harmful stereotypes, then letting go of the myths so that each of us can make the personal transformation from homosexuality as a hindrance to homosexuality as a gift.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 75.

Gay is what God made me. Proud is what I choose to be.
-Chris W.

Our gayness is a gift from God. It is part of our being that cannot be seperated from other aspects of the self.

Being gay is not a choice. Repressing our gayness or embracing our gayness are the only choices. We can choose to be proud of who we are or continue to buy into the shaming myths and stereotypes about homosexuality we grew up with.

Choose pride. It is a healthy choice. It is affirming. It is what is needed to heal from the shaming messages society has promulgated.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 72.

Gay lives cannot be examined through straight spectacles.

-Robert K. Martin, writer/critic

Other people have tried to explain lesbian and gay lives for decades without even asking us to share our voices. Implicit in this wayward approach is that heterosexuals must have superior insights about all things while homosexuals are incapable of accurately reflecting even on their own existence because they are inherently pathological.

It doesn't take a genius to recognize that we need to respect every individual's voice. This is why, my friend, you must raise your voice and share your story.

Don't let others speak for you. Don't let your voice go unheard. You owe it to yourself.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 68.

Not "special" rights but equal rights.
-banner at the 1993 March on Washington

In attempts to stall our fight for equal rights, some individuals purport that we are asking for special rights.

Protection from losing our jobs simply because we are gay is not a "special" right. It's a basic human right.

Protection from being harassed in our homes or kicked out of our homes is not a special right. Our demands for equal rights are fair and just.

Each of us must continue to speak up and demand equal rights, simply because we deserve them.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 91.

"People talk about family values. In my book, the teacher tells Heather that the most important thing about a family is that all people in it love each other. Like that's such a horrendous message to be spreading? The right-wing opponents of the book said it was propaganda."

-Leslea Newman, author speaking about her book Heather Has Two Mommies

Any message may be seen as propaganda. However, we get to decide what messages we want to pass on to our children. Those messages can be filled with hate or love.

The messages from bigots are clearly filled with hate. Messages of tolerance and acceptance are based on love.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 177.

Why we are Negroes, Jews, or homosexuals is totally irrelevant, and whether we can be changed to whites, Christians, or heterosexuals is equally irrelevant.
-Frank Kameny, co-founder of the Mattachine Society of Washington, DC

Attempts to answer the question why we are lesbian or gay is rooted in society's heterosexism and homophobia. It's based on the assumption that the only way to be is heterosexual. That it is more "natural" to be heterosexual than homosexual. The bigotry is clear. As long as there have been people on this earth some have always been homosexual. This will be true as long as there are humans on this planet. Acceptance of this reality is the real issue.

By challenging the heterosexism involved in attempting to answer why we are gay, we confront the blatant bigotry at hand.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 207.

I wasn't the most masculine child. The words "sissy" and "let's get him" were familiar to my ears...up in my room, I put the on my own Broadway routines. I was the only person I knew who danced to the "I Love Lucy" theme.
-Terry Sweeney, comedian

While the tauntings we endured as children prevented many of us from publicly expressing our real selves, within the walls of our own bedrooms our creativity, passion and dreams were given full reign. For some, the solace may have caused pain, but from that solace and suffering much life was born.

Those times when we savored the safety and comfort of our rooms were healing and empowering times for us. They protected us and helped us adapt to the cruel world outside our rooms. In those rooms the seeds of creativity were tended.

Today our talents and passions live on and are expressed openly and publicly. Take a look back at those childhood dreams.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 361.

"I don't think there is a heterosexual marriage in this country that would exist with the absence of support that we give to gay couples...I think we ought to take off our hats to them and cheer. I think they've got something to teach the rest of us about a holy relationship."
-John Selby Spong, Episcopal bishop

We form healthy, viable, loving relationships despite the tremendous prejudice we face. Our lasting relationships are a testimony of our love and commitment. Sometimes we do not take notice within our own community of these lasting relationships. We learn not to see them because we have been taught they don't exist. They do exist!

Just as we need more enlightened individuals like Bishop Sprong to recognize our relationships, we must take time to stop participating in the myths that our relationships don't last by seeing and supporting gay relationships.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 119.

If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influence from what is generally regarded as American culture, you would be pretty much left with Let's Make A Deal.
-Fran Lebowitz

Perhaps as outsiders we have been forced to look at how banal American life can be. Or perhaps gay people have a proclivity to the creative and discerning. Is it possible that this creativity develops partly as a result of society's attempt to silence us? Then again, in some societies homosexuals have been revered as special and gifted.

For whatever reason, lesbians and gays are often on the cutting edge of what shapes culture. We set the pace in music, architecture, fashion, literature and more only to find mainstream America eager to catch up years later.

We create culture while so often others simply follow.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 121.

You withhold the parts of yourself that you think will be unacceptable. Your survival mechanisms replace your availability and vulnerability. You give your power away to be liked, loved and accepted.
-Sally Fisher, educator/writer, AIDS Mastery Workshop

Being true to oneself is necessary to heal from heterosexism. Each time we hide our sexuality we are wounded again, destroying our self-esteem. Because we have been so shamed by society we being to look to others for validation. We become what they want and what is acceptable for them. They love us not for who we are, but for who they want us to be.

Living a lie has a price that is too high: loss of our self-esteem. We may lose people in our lives once we stop hiding, but we will have our self-respect and will find other people who accept us for who we are.

If others do not accept me because I am gay, it is now their problem, not mine.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 123.

If our American way of life fails the child, it fails us all.
-Pearl Buck, writer

American life does not safeguard lesbian and gay children. Most Americans still believe that all children are born heterosexual. This leads to a lack of respect of lesbian and gay children and teens, and their needs go unmet.

Americans easily profess the importance of taking care of our children, yet lesbian and gay children remain unrecognized and therefore ignored.

The struggle to provide school curriculum that shows the diversity of Americans, including its lesbian and gay members, is a reminder of how far we have to go to teach respect and tolerance for those different than ourselves.

We have the opportunity and the obligation to be out so that lesbian and gay children do not grow up in fear and isolation as many of us did. Remember your pain. Help a child today.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 125.

There's no question about it: if everybody who's gay was visible, we would probably eliminate 70% of the oppression. Everybody already knows gay people. They just don't know that we're gay.
-Jean O'Leary, former co-executive director of NLGTF

Lesbian and gay visibility hinders oppression. We do have a role in eliminating the oppression we suffer. We didn't cause, nor do we deserve the oppression, but our visibility certainly helps end discrimination.

As we come out to more people, remember how many times we feared an adverse reaction to our coming out only to find someone saying, "I already knew," "Oh, no big deal" or "I'm gay, too!" Coming out isn't always as difficult as we think.

Don't let your fear stop you from coming out.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 128.

Hate is not a family value.
-1990s T-Shirt Slogan

To think that people filled with hate and fear had anything to tell us about family values! We have been courageous in establishing our own families, thereby challenging society to see the true meaning of family-to nurture, to care for, to support and to love those individuals one holds dear.

Each day we allow others to see the families we have created, we chip away at society's denial of our inherent capacity to form nurturing, caring and loving families. And, as the diversity of our families shows through, we will have taught society to look beyond the makeup of families and to focus on the loving and nurturing that truly defines families. We are family, too!

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 129.

I'd long since accepted the fact that nothing had ever happened to me and nothing ever would. That's how the closet feels, once you have made your nest in it and learned to call it home, self-pity becomes your oxygen.
-Paul Monette, writer

Sometimes we delay our coming out to wait for the most "opportune time" to do so. And that time never seems to come. There's always some excuse as to why we didn't come out to a friend, family member or co-worker. What have we gained by this delay? Probably nothing. What have we lost? We've lost a piece of our pride, and many missed opportunities to share our life more fully with those close to us. We've lost a chance to heal by being honest with others about who we really are.

You can't turn back the clock. So take your next step in healing today.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 146.

I am proud to be a gay man because my gayness had impelled me to a deeper spiritual life.
-John G.

Numerous traditional religious institutions have tried to convince lesbians and gays that it is not possible for us to embrace spirituality because of our sexual orientation. On the contrary, our sexual orientation and the religious abuse we have suffered have propelled us to examine our spirituality in much more depth than many heterosexuals can ever hope to do.

Ours is not a spirituality that is measured by the number of times we attend a church service. Instead, it is a deep personal examination about the meaning of life, our role in life, how our gayness can be celebrated and how our gifts can be shared rather than stifled.

Being gay does not preclude spirituality. Openly embracing one's gayness is a form of spirituality.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 143.

The walls of the closet are guarded by the dogs of terror, and the inside of the closet is a house of mirrors.
-Judy Grahn, writer

The closet takes its toll. The fear immobilizes us. Personal growth is stunted. Hiding is an attempt to protect ourselves. But can we ultimately protect ourselves by staying in the closet? Can change occur when our voices remain unheard? The answer is no.

Free your voice. When you do so your fear will subside.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 152.

We [lesbians and gays] are not in the habit of thinking of ourselves as leading our civilization, and yet we do.
-Judy Grahn, writer

Lesbians and gays are leaders. Leaders, because we challenge society to look at their inhumanity. Leaders, because in spite of all the obstacles we face we learn to love ourselves. We build healthy, productive lives. And, we do more: we reach out and give back to the same society that has turned its back on us.

Take pride in being part of a courageous, spirited, giving and compassionate community. By taking care of yourself, you show the world that you are a leader.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 183.

Some Reagan Administration supporters have gone on record as saying that AIDS is God's judgement on homosexuals, but you have never heard one of them say that Legionnaire's Disease was God's judgement on the right-wing views of the American Legion.
-H. Carl McCall, chairman of New York State Division of Human Rights

Bigots have tried to use God as a means to justify their oppression of all sorts of people - from Native Americans to African Americans, and now lesbians and gays. Such rhetoric may appeal to the uneducated. We, however, don't buy it. It doesn't take much to see beyond the foolishness of their words.

Point out their foolishness. It may help others "get it". In time, history will clearly point out how foolish the bigots are.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 190.

Gays are in the vanguard of that final divorce of sex from conventional notions of sin...if we can take sex out of the realm of sin altogether and see it as something else to do with personal relationships and ethics, then we can finally get around to another phase of Christianity that is long overdue. That phase is the one which deals with the question of sin as violence; sin as cruelty; sin as murder, war, and starvation.
-Anne Rice, writer

Gay people are not a threat to society; violence and hatred are. Teaching tolerance and respect is necessary for a humane world. When religious and other institutions use their power to perpetuate hatred we must challenge tham to return to the underlying principles on which society's institutions are based: tolerance, respect, dignity and freedom for all.

Promote tolerance. Demand respect.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 192.

[in response to the Supreme Court decision that held intact Georgia's sodomy laws used to persecute gays]
"Isn't it a violation of the Georgia sodomy law for the Supreme Court to have its head up its ass?"
-letter from a reader of Playboy magazine

As much as we would hope, justice is not guaranteed. Justice is fought for and won. It is why lesbians and gays must continue to fight for freedom; basic freedoms such as the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Our struggle will not end until we can be free to go about our daily lives without the fear of persecution for being who we are. The fight is long, but it is a worthy fight.

In the meantime, we must continue to demand justice. We can take pride in our demands for justice.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 193.

When the light went on in my head, I knew it was from God...God didn't deliver me from my sexuality. God delivered me from guilt and shame and gave me a sense of pride...my sexuality was a gift from God.
-Carolyn Mobley, founder of African-American Lesbian/Gay Alliance

Without the support of traditional religious institutions, it has been a struggle for lesbians and gay to reclaim their spirituality. It has propelled us to truly examine out spirituality. Ours is not a "take for granted" church membership that mimics spirituality. Ours is a rebirth. A rebirth of spirit and soul.

Silence the shaming religious messages you grew up with. To reclaim your homosexuality is to reclaim your spirituality.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 194.

I am proud to be a gay man because I have been created by the same God who made all living things in tender and magnificent love.
-John G.

Each individual-gay, straight, bisexual, transgender - is a work of art. Celebrating one's being is not limited to heterosexual individuals.

Society has tried to condition us to believe that homosexuality is a choice, and that heterosexuality is the only pure form of being.

When we begin to accept and celebrate what every individual has to offer, we will then be able to see that it is foolish to say that "God bestows his gifts on only select individuals (i.e. heterosexuals)." In fact, our gayness is a gift from God.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 196.

The very fact that our laws make homosexuality a crime puts the stamp of approval on the idea that "queers" are animals...The society's values make the homosexual a "faggot", easy prey...
-Dr. John Money, sexologist as John Hopkins University

Society is responsible for the violence lesbians and gays face. Teaching children to devalue homosexuality perpetuates hatred toward homosexuals. Hence, the violence is predictable, but nonetheless reprehensible.

Since society is slow to educate children about positive images of homosexuality, we must do so. By being out and proud gay individuals we can teach young children to respect us, not hate us.

Stop the violence by being out. Being out helps eliminate hatred and teaches respect. Kids need it and so do we.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 209.

The Air Force pinned a medal on me for killing a man and discharged me for making love to one.
-Leonard Matlovich, US Air Force sergeant

Military madness-lesbians and gays continue to be oppressed and abused by the military. Some ask, "Why be part of a killing machine in the first place?" Others stress the need to eliminate discrimination in each and every institution.

The military has not been held accountable for their abuse of power. One need not look far to find sanctioned abuse of women, people of color, lesbians and gays. We must continue to demand that the military be held accountable for these actions.

As we wait for justice, we must remember the first step is in "breaking the silence" by continuing to speak up.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 219.

The U.S. Olympics Committee singled out the Gay Olympics with a lawsuit prohibiting the use of the word "Olympics". They didn't sue the American Olympics, the Black Olympics, the Chinese Olympics...the USOC claims that it was a question of trademark law, not homophobia...Anyone who believes that must think that Rosa Park's struggle to sit where she wanted on a Montgomery bus was really about transit policy.
-Art Agnos, former mayor of San Francisco

Attempts to mask discrimination by claiming other issues is an old trick. Though lesbian and gays may not "officially" proclaim a Gay "Olympics", many lesbians and gays informally refer to the Gay Games as the Gay Olympics in spite of the court decision.

We are able to see the truth. Time will place this injustice in proper perspective for all.

-Joseph H. Neisen, Page 217.

"Homosexuality is assuredly no advantage, but it nothing to be ashamed of, no vice, no degradation, it cannot be classified as an illness; we consider it to be a variation of sexual function produced by a certain arrest of sexual development. Many highly respectable individuals of ancient and modern times have been homosexuals, several of the greatest men among them (Plato, Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, etc.) It is a great injustice to persecute homosexuality as a crime, and cruelty too."
-Sigmund Freud, 1935/1951, p. 786

Public attitudes have tended to stigmatize homosexuality to such a degree that many of those engaging in it have suffered social and legal mistreatment far beyond the domain of sexual behavior. Most Americans polled in a recent poll claim that they do not see homosexuals as being good role models for children and that any relationship between two adults of the same sex is immoral. There will probably always be stigmatization despite the fact that in some larger cities, the percentage of gays make up 9% of the population at least, and probably many more suppress their sexuality rather than accept it.

-Daniel Johnson.

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