Before I came out, I had a big fear that everyone would hate me for
telling the truth -- that I would be disowned by everyone near to me, that my
friends would despise me and not want to hang out with me anymore, and
that school would become a daily nightmare. These are the fears that every
one of us share while we’re in the closet.
It’s really a very scary place to be. Contemplating what can happen
after saying the words “I’m gay” is downright frightening. Until you do it for the
first time, your mind is spinning with scenarios of all of the millions of awful
things that will happen, many of which are really blown out of proportion. Our
minds tend to make us believe that the world will come to an end after people
find out we’re gay. In reality, the world will probably remain fairly similar to
how it was before, but you’ll have the added benefit of knowing that everyone
knows you’re gay!
I’m not trying to downplay coming out fears seeing as the awful
situation we imagine do unfortunately happen to some gay youth. If they
didn’t, no one would be afraid of coming out. However, it’s also important to
point out that there are kids that came out and that they are a living testament
to how overcoming those fears can change your life.
Many of you will probably declare that although those kids might be
able to come out, things are different in your own life. Your family is
particularly religious. You live in an especially small town. The people you
know aren’t the same as other people.
Although you may feel that these situations are specific to your own
life, rest assured that almost all gay kids experience the same things. The
kids that came out are examples of those same backgrounds -- and proof that
while our fears may be valid, they are also fairly unnecessary. The fears are
just pictures on the closet walls we’ve built around ourselves. Parents still
love their kids. Friendships aren’t destroyed. Your life will not become a living
hell.
Compared to what I thought could happen, my life has gotten better in
hundreds of different ways since I’ve come out. My relationship with my
parents has dramatically improved. My friends respect me for who I am and
finally have a more complete image of me. School became a point for me to
sound off on my views and to stand up in class against discrimination and
false ideas of what it means to be gay.
There’s a big difference between being alive and actually living.
Everyone is alive -- it’s purely biological and lacks any sense of emotion or
adventure. Living is what life is really all about. Living is what you start to do
when you stand up for yourself and are willing to experience life as yourself
and not as the lie that you’ve perpetuated.
The longer you stay in the closet, the more fearful scenarios are added
to its walls -- when in fact, on the outside, everything may be a lot brighter
than you think. Perhaps it’s time for all of us to open those doors a little wider.