Letter To A Friend
Sometimes in life you get something you didn’t exactly want. Maybe you’re just a
little different from what seems like everyone else. Maybe you’re left handed, maybe you’re
flat footed, or maybe you’re gay. Granted, being left handed isn’t a big deal now, but it used
to be. Even in our parents’ generation, people were made to write with their right hand
because the left hand was considered evil. But now being left handed will maybe set you
back a little in life, maybe you’ll have a few difficulties, a few obstacles, but you can get
around. But being gay is the same thing, you’ll have a few difficulties and obstacles, but you
can get around them.
You can be happy, really happy. You can have friends that know you’re gay and
don’t harass you. You can have lots of friends that will accept you for who you are. Believe it
or not, one day your parents will accept you. But all you see is the negative side of being gay.
Queer jokes, negative comments, from everyone, including your parents.
So you think you can fool everyone by going out with some girls. But each time
you’re afraid something’s going to happen on your date that’s going to make you feel
uncomfortable. Deep down, you know who you are but you just can’t admit it to anyone. So
you go out with girls, but you make it not work. You then set the unattainable goal so
everyone will think you’re straight and stop harassing you about going out. No one’s good
enough. With me it was no one had enough morals. No one was quite pure enough. But it
was still that I was setting the unattainable goal. It doesn’t work, though. The only person
you’re fooling is yourself. I’ve been there.
But lying to everyone makes you feel trapped. It’s like you’re smothering and you
can’t get out. It’s like society is forcing you into a mold that you just don’t fit. But you don’t
have to change to fit the mold. There are other people out there that don’t fit the mold either.
You’re just so scared that the whole world will turn on you. But they won’t, I won’t, and others
won’t. In fact of all the people I’ve told, that know for a fact, no one has ever rejected me.
I am gay. It took me so long to be able to say that. But I can say it. I can joke about
it. But now I’m secure in who I am.
But I’ve been where you are. Everyone, the movies, t.v., show gays as being sissies
or child molesters or sexual deviants. But you aren’t like that, you’re a normal guy who
happens to be gay. But from what you’ve seen and heard, those kinds of people don’t exist.
But they do, and you don’t notice them as being different and neither does anyone else,
unless you’re looking. I knew you were gay since long time ago. You’ve probably got this
sixth sense. You can probably tell who’s gay and who isn’t. If not now. you’ll have it later.
And you just want to go away to the big city, to New York, to Miami, to Los Angeles,
to Europe. Anywhere that gay people are accepted, anywhere that you won’t be an outcast.
Before, you’ve probably thought about killing yourself, but you really don’t want to kill
yourself. You just want to make it look like you want to kill yourself. You want to make it look
real, just real enough to get a lot of attention, but you don’t want to kill yourself. You’ve still
got some glimmer of hope of living a happy life. Believe me, I was there too.
You’ve thought about running away, but you don’t know where to go. You don’t know
where to go so that you won’t be found. You’ve thought about leaving your parents a note
and not coming home until they can signal that they’re O.K. with you’re being gay. I know you
have. I have, but for one reason or another something wouldn’t work exactly right.
But I can’t say all that you’ve thought or all you’ve done. I’m not you. I know you are
beyond some of these thoughts now, but I know you thought them before. I’m writing to let
you know that you are not alone, that everything will be okay.
I’m not asking for a reply. I just want to help you.